Dear Suzanne and David,
I am Mark Franke’s mother and I want you to know that my prayers are with you as you weave through the beginnings of the next phase in your life. Having never lost a child I can not imagine the enormous grief that you are currently experiencing and know that there are no words that can be spoken that will make a difference but I am going to try any way. I want you both to know that Davis made such a wonderful contribution in our life at exactly the time we needed it. Mark went away to UNT and then was promptly invited to not return after only three weeks. It was September 2001. Mark caught up with Davis and Davis started coming over to our house. He was the only friend that Mark had at that time who had significant time to be able to share, as everyone else was busy in college. He and Mark went to meetings together and he provided friendship and comfort to all of us during that time. It was a scary time (9-11) for the nation and a scary time for us as a family. Davis made all of the difference to us. He was caring, kind, compassionate and wonderful. We will be forever grateful to him and to you for raising a son like Davis.
David and Suzanne – As a new friend of the Armisteads, I didn’t know Davis well, and I know he is grateful for choosing two of the most beautiful people I know to be his parents.
Dear Suzanne,
I am choked up with sadness… that you should have to endure this loss deeply grieves me. You and your family will be in my constant thoughts
and prayers. May Divine Love surround you as you begin this journey of change. Davis looks like a wonderful spirit, treasured by friends and family. May your many memories be precious reminders of his Life, and gentle comfort to you.
While I never met Davis, I felt he was always there with both of you so, in that sense, he became part of our friendship and relationship. I sense, too, the strong presence he held with both of you, always.
Suzanne – My heart goes out to you and your family at hearing of your son’s death. Some time ago a friend gave me a pendant – a Mexican jewelry piece of a beautiful heart with a dagger through it. At the time I received it I didn’t really “get it” on the experiential level – but later when death came to my husband and friends, I would look at it and say, “that is exactly how it feels.” The heart is just pierced and broken and it is so painful. At the same time there is the pain, there is the life going on, beating steadily through it all and it is such a paradox that such joy and beauty can exist with such pain.
Suzanne & David,
I want you to know that he is home now and with beloved family.
With loosing a son, we will always miss them in this physcial place, however, they are always with us.
A song may play, a rainbow shows up at the right momment or a butterfuly shows up just as you think of him. They know how much we love them and miss them….
Suzanne – I am so sorry and cannot express my sorrow for you and your husband. Please know that I am sending you bunches and bunches of love and light. I love you so much,
Sue Parsons
my prayers are with you wherever you go in each moment. Prayers reach out to you like wisps of transluscent satin swirling through the winds and embracing you all at this special time. Thank you for sharing his life celebration with us. It allows us to open the doorways of our hearts and welcome you in…much healing comes about in this way for all that live and breathe…and for your son who is moving on right now – I imagine it makes his transition to new adventures a joy, oh I hope so.
Thank you for letting me see the light of life and joy in his eyes.
With gratitude and love to you
your Hildegirl sister
Marion
Suzanne and David, I am sending as much love your way as I possibly can!!! I am truly blest to have sweet funny experiences with your dear precious son. Those hard questions he would come up with; either you couldn’t answer or didn’t want to give him the information. The picture of the three of you is so beautiful!!! You all radiate with love. I have missed seeing you, but you all are always so close to me in spirit. Love Always, Gail
You and your family are in my heart and my prayers. I remember the summer that you and Davis came and stayed with me. It was the first time that I had met him and he was so smart, sweet and funny. He made me laugh! I am sure that you and David will laugh and cry at all of your memories.
I remember when Suzanne was pregnant with Davis then watching him grow into a sensitive and loving person. He had so many wonderful qualities from each of you.
I’m with you in spirit. My meditations and prayers will be for Davis’ safe passage.
My heart goes out to you both and anyone close to Davis. I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts. Davis will always be remembered. He was a great friend. One in a million.
-MUCH LOVE. -MUCH RESPECT.
🙂
-CHRISTIAN LAMBERSON
Dear Suzanne and David,
We are incredibly sorry for your loss. My heart is broken. Davis was the best friend I could have ever thought of having. An individual with an unlimited amount of compassion, positivity, understanding, and pure love. Spending most of my adult years with Davis was an amazing and extremely special period of my life. He molded me. He taught me. We also learned and grew together. He gave me the courage and support to step outside of my comfort zone; Opening my eyes and mind to things I would have never experienced had Davis not been in my life. He always had words of encouragement or advise which were priceless to me and I will always keep them in my heart. He was the only person I felt I could really let my guard down around. There was never any nervousness or anxiety when it came to expressing my raw emotions. He knew whenever something was wrong and had the exact words to console me. I need those words now more than ever. I love you both so much. I can’t wait to see you and hug you. Johannes, Barbara, and I are keeping you all in our thoughts and prayers.
With much love, Justus Lidl
I saw David in the photograph of your son’s face, the mischief, the love of life. I can only imagine what an amazing human being he must have been because I know the source in his amazing parents. I can only know the grand canyon of grief that I have experienced when losing those dear to me and won’t pretend to know how to comfort you. I will only say that you are so very loved, and by the words I have read, so is your son. Knowing that he is loved and that we hold you all in our hearts and our prayers, is all that I can offer. Please let me know if there is anything at all that I can do…
“Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.”
Dear Suzanne and David,
Here is a voice from the past you will probably not remember. No matter. Suzanne, I have certainaly never forgotten your sweet spirit and kindness when we were kids. Jan Wright knew I would want to know and was thoughtful enough to inform me.
I cannot express my sadness at the passing of your beautiful son. It is my loss to have never met him. The above tributes speak volumes. Please forgive me. I only wish I had the magic words to comfort you now. There are none. People will tell you that, “Time heals all wounds.” I tell you it does not. The only thing time does is brighten the best and happiest memories and help us cherish them. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. May God be with you now more than ever, and may the Holy Spirit sustain and keep you, indwell your hearts and lighten your burden with Faith and the “Peace that passeth understanding.”
Always Your Servant, beck
I was given a gift. The gift was knowing Davis Armistead and having the honor of sharing space and time with him.
I remember the very first time I met Davis. He had called me to come over to David & Suzanne’s place to visit with him. When I first met him, we connected immediately, like 2 brothers, that were meeting for the first time in person. I felt then, as I do today, a profound soul connection with Davis. He was wise, beyond his physical age.
I had great compassion for his struggles with his pain, and I was blessed to be able to walk with him, for a while, on his path to transcend his chronic pain. While with him, I could sense the simultaneous presence of his difficult experiences, merged with his naturally intiutive and insightful glimpses into the Spirit realms.
Davis always had a flowing and mysterious “knowing” that He was and is something quite beyond the pain that he endured while with us on here the Earth plane. Davis is a wonderous being.
Since the moment I read the email from David this morning announcing Davis’ death, Davis has been talking with me, visiting my thoughts and pouring forth his love energy.. I have a unexplaind, yet strong sense that Davis is at peace now and his pain is over.
Blessings and Peace to Suzanne and David, and the extended family as you adjust to life without your son.
I am saddened to hear of your loss of your very dear son. Our heartfelt condolences to you all at this time.
Know that our best thoughts are with you now and always.
Davis, Happy Buddha, what a beautiful soul you are. Too soon you have raced ahead, as always in a hurry, to know whats next.
I wont grieve for you but for us still here, without you.
Dear Suzanne, David, Family and Friends
Davis was a true friend of mine. It is rare to meet anyone as kind and trustworthy as Davis was. Our experiences together made a profoundly positive impact in my life and he will never be forgotten. I know very well how much he suffered, yet he always managed to find the energy to smile and laugh. I always admired Davis for his outgoing personality and ability to befriend all types of people. I am greatly saddened by his passing and I am going through a period of deep meditation and prayer. Please know I am channeling every ounce of positive energy available to me and sending it to you all, as I know Davis would have wanted.
Love,
Alexander Lewis
My heart and love go with you today and always. And my heart smiles with the knowing that you came to deep healing and resolution in your shared moments while Davis was home, and in the blessing of being able to say goodbye.
I am an old friend from Chicago Waldorf, and I knew Davis when we called him Justin. I remember playing with Justin and his ferrets and driving somewhere on a fieldtrip and all of us singing to the radio. Justin was the authority on the cool music in 2nd grade! I didn’t have much contact with him after he left Chicago but I always got updates through Justus and each time was impressed by his courage and stamina. Justin had so much charisma and determination! He was an inspiration for me. My heart goes out to you his friends and family (its nice to see pictures of you Suzanne and David, I remember your faces). He is blessed to have so much love.
Peace,
Simone Gourguechon
I spent 16 wonderful days touring China with Davis and others. It’s possible to come to know someone quite deeply day in and day out over 16 days, many of them spent on a bus together.
The most striking thing about Davis was the LIGHT of him. He was radiant, positive, funny, irreverent, and enthusiastic in everything. He was open to everyone, everywhere. I knew, despite the differences in our age, that he saw me as another soul on the journey and related to what we shared inwardly. He did not allow our outer appearances to blur his ability to speak soul to soul.
Still in his earthly self, he was so young.
A favorite passage of mine is Kahlil Gibran on Children. It begins:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
Davis was Light longing for itself.
I know that, now, free of a body wracked with pain, his light shines even more brilliantly.
Thank you for sharing him with us, however briefly.
With deep appreciation and best wishes to you both,
Sharon Heller
Davis lived with such affection for the world and for all people he encountered. When with him, it was so hard to tell he was struggling because he was so deeply empathetic and affectionate to those he was with. I knew he was suffering, and occassionally I would talk with him about it, but I assume he knew I could not understand. For a person dealing with such overwhelming circumstances, he did quite well managing himself in the world. He really got a hard hand dealt to him. It is amazing to remember the grace he often had in dealing with his problems. And none of us could understand it fully.
I remember him most for supporting me through the time when I came home from my first college experience, totally disgraced and sad. I wanted to change. I did not want to do drugs anymore. He didn’t either. So we went to meetings, watched movies, went out to eat, smoked american spirits, went to yoga classes, went to barton springs, talked for hours about spirituality and constructed dreams whose hopes inspired us to continue on the path toward happiness. My life would have been a lot different had he not been here for me in that time. In fact, I don’t know that I would have made it to be the person I am today. For I was the one less willing at that time to give up the fantasy. I came home, and for a while, continued to make choices that hurt myself and those around me. But, finally, it clicked. And grace has poured so deeply into my life. I have no faculty to process its magnitude. During this time with Davis, my life transformed. And he was so central in this process.
As I said, I will never understand his suffering, but I feel he has paid his dues on earth. That, though we wish he could have lived a functional and happy life, his work is complete. He made it. I feel totally immersed in his love right now.
Davis, I love you brother. You are my friend. I will remember you always. Thank you for all you have done, and continue to do for all of us. God bless you, man.
Love,
Mark Franke
Suzanne and David,
My heart is with you and overflowing with loving and compassion. I am physically in Florida, but I am holding the Light for you and for the soul of that brave one known as Davis. May you all be blessed.
Love,
Martha
I will always remember and treasure sharing some wonderful moments with Davis at the Hildys Concert this spring. Davis and I didn’t get enough time together, but that night we shared some hilarious (to us) and irreverent chuckles (nearly silent, we almost believed), during lulls in the concert. We instinctively knew each other’s delight in those conspiratorial Groucho Mark-like asides: Pure fun. Eternal moments: We WERE the desperadoes waiting for the train, and we damn well knew it.
I also loved Davis’ spontaneously contrived prank on his former fellow China Traveller, during the concert intermission.
In these moments, his great humor shone through the pain, and it was my joy and privilege to see it, and participate with him in enjoying it.
Rest in peace and joy, Davis; and please know your mother and father are very strong, have great friends and family loving and supporting them, and know how blessed they are by your presence in their lives.
David and Suzanne i don’t have words for the feelings that are moving thru me right now. i watched your slide show… ‘the early years’. seeing Davis in those moments. holding the memories of those times and events while knowing that he has left this world. i am so sorry.
i remember Davis in class. his courage in qi gong was incredible. his struggle and his perseverance. and your support for him without your need to push. you all did it as well as it could be done.
in this moment when i put myself in your place the loss of Davis seems unbearable to me. to have child so precious and so close leave.
Having been Justin’s friend, I can say that you both can be proud to have had such a wonderful son. And over the years, I have only known you both to be loving, strong, and supportive parents. I pray that you can endure and remain the positive forces in this world that you have been.
To all, I’d like to introduce myself. I’m the mother of two of Justin’s friends, Justus and Johannes. We live in Chicago and met Justin at about the age of 8, when he entered the 2nd grade at the Waldorf school. Justin was in Justus’ class and, if you are not familiar with Waldorf, the same class and the same teacher move through the grades together. But the kids had favorite friends and Justin was one of my son’s closest. We had visits, sleepovers, and some trips together. I liked Justin for his exuberance, inquisitiveness and just pure joy, to name a few. He was never mean or teasing.
When he moved back to Texas, I thought that may be the end of their friendship but they stayed in touch. They had similar interests and tastes, especially in music.
A few years after highschool, Justus joined Justin in China where they taught English for a year and a half. It was an experience my son would never have had if it weren’t for Justin. During this time they started planning to do promotions in the music industry, a driving force for their later stay in San Francisco. When they returned home last year, they were already planning to return to California, then China. I felt it was a wonderful opportunity to see and experience the world especially with a good friend such as Justin was.
Justin even became “my” friend! He’d talk with me for hours at a time on the phone. Just think, thirty years age difference! I think Justin could talk to just about anyone.
When I visited them in San Fran, I never saw Justin wince or utter a sound from the pain he was in. He would talk about so many other things that it was easy, unfortunately, for me, to forget about his deteriorating physical condition. I wish I could have done better by him in some way.
Now, without him, the earth seems to turn a little slower.
We will sorely miss him in our lives. I am grateful for having known him and having him be such a good friend and an illuminating influence in my son, Justus’, life.
Dear Ms Suzanne and Mr David: when my mom break the news about Davis, i can’t believe what i heard, and i don’t want to believe the truth, don’t know how much i wish the clock turns back. go back to that time when he is with us. i want to hear he laugh…..
so much want to say. but i can’t…
summer
Oh Dave and Suzy, what tragic news! I never knew Davis, which was my misfortune, but I love his parents, though I haven’t seen you for too many years. Thank you for the wonderful photographs. His spirit shines through and will continue to shine in the lives of those who knew him. My heart is with you at this time, and all my love,
Osha
I remember once, coming over for dinner. Davis was home for a while, exhausted, recooperating from a trip to China. He came out for a few minutes to meet us, to say hello. Sweet, kind, gentle of Spirit he was. He taught many about depth and Grace on his journey.
Gary and I reach our hearts out to you, holding you close as life’s dance takes this turn. You are both such loving, kind, fun, compassionate souls. May you be filled to overflowing with love and support.
We are all called to this life to open our hearts and love, not necessarily understand it’s mysteries. I send my deepest sympathies and hold you both tenderly in my prayers.
Dear Suzanne and David, I met you several years ago in Westlake. I have 3 son’s Travis who was 25 died July 8th of this year. I am so sorry, nothing can prepare you for the loss of a child. To love deeply is to greive deeply, May God hold you close,the memories you have of Davis be woven into your life to comfort you. Peace be with you…always Hope and Faith.
Blessings,
Danni and Pete Morford
Dear Suzanne and David,
I send my love and prayers. May you be surrounded by light and love.
From Hildegard –
Let your eye live and grow in God,
and your soul will never shrivel.
You can count on it to keep you alive….awake….tender.
Patricia
It Was Like This: You Were Happy
by Jane Hirschfield
It was like this:
you were happy, then you were sad,
then happy again, then not.
It went on.
You were innocent or you were guilty.
Actions were taken, or not.
At times you spoke, at other times you were silent.
Mostly, it seems you were silent – what could you say?
Now it is almost over.
Like a lover, your life bends down and kisses your life.
It does this not in forgiveness –
between you, there is nothing to forgive –
but with the simple nod of a baker at the moment
he sees the bread is finished with transformation.
Eating, too, is a thing now only for others.
It doesn’t matter what they will make of you
or your days: they will be wrong,
they will miss the wrong woman, miss the wrong man,
all the stories they tell will be tales of their own invention.
Your story was this: you were happy, then you were sad,
you slept, you awakened.
Sometimes you ate roasted chestnuts, sometimes persimmons.
I am so sorry to learn about your son’s passing. I can not imagine what you are going through at this point. I did not know your son but I am sure he was a wonderful person because you are both so great. I send my love and prayers.
I awoke this morning with deep releasing breaths that connected me inside and out, and, eventually, to emptiness. I was receiving the love and precious guidance that is here for one who is realizing, and accepting at the same time, the depth of the MYSTERY she lives in.
The last few days since you left your body, I have been journeying, too. It has been a complete ‘letting go”. There is an “ultimateness” I have received. That is to say that I am free, now, to be in, and stand with, as never before, the truth of my life, my love, my appreciation and my gratitude, for the life I have been given with you.
I still marvel at the transformation your birth gave me, an avenue of love beyond what I had ever known—-instaneous, beyond my will. It was an introduction to infinity, a foreverness. Love loving through me. Motherhood, with you, the greatest gift of my life.
I knew, daily, the gifts your bright Spirit brought me. Our laughter, our playing, our loving, even the darkest, scariest moments that we all learned to address and move through, together, brought a life long healing that you, your dad, and I had the honor of living.
As I laid in bed, this incredible awareness continued to reshape me by announcing the truth of my ultimate and deepest knowing. I knew with a fierceness that defied my deepest fears of you dying, that YOU ARE. I love you my Boot Stroot. I love you. I love you. I love you.
My husband and I met Davis on his first trip to China, back in 2002. He was such an energetic, happy guy, who came to remind me of the happy Buddha. Davis was the kind of guy who put a person immediately at ease, and I remember that by the end of the trip he felt like a little brother with boundless energy and a non-stop smile. After Davis went back to China to live and study, we lost touch. This is my biggest regret at his passing: that time ran out before I had the opportunity to spend more time with him and know him better.
My most vivid memory of Davis is him singing karaoke on the tour bus. I still can’t hear a Red Hot Chili Peppers song without thinking of him (or drink apple flavored-beer, eat Thai noodles, get a professional massage, or paint a wall. But that’s another story). He was a bright spot in our lives, and as long as we carry a little of him within us and burn as brilliantly as he would have, we can make sure that his short, but well-lived life will echo through time.
These last few days I keep hearing Davis sing the chorus of the song he sang that day on the bus years ago:
“I don’t ever wanna feel like I did that day. Take me to the place I love, take me all the way.”
Perhaps we can find consolation in the thought that Davis is in a place he loves, however far away.
My heart hurts for those left behind. Peace be unto you.
Love,
Amanda Jones & Chad Byers
This morning I read the obituary for your son, Justin. Even though I have never met any of you, I feel compelled to share with you how this death has touched me. When a parent loses a child, there are so few words that can releive the pain in your hearts.
Justin must have been a wonderful person that was here on this earth only to share his love and peace with his fellow travelers. Having you for parents was also designed by God for him to do his best work.
Inside every occasion for pain, there is the opportunity for great love and growth. We will all be together again. Until then, just know he lives forever inside you.
We are so sorry to hear about Davis. We know the pain that no word can ease. We are with you in our thoughts and prayers. Love is the greatest gift we can receive or give. Love endures all, love just is. Death can not change that love. It just seperats us for a while. Some day we will be together again with those whom have gone before. We lost our only son, Troy, as you know in December, and the world stopped, our lives have forever changed, but our love of Troy will always remain. The memories are there and we see and experience him in them. Davis’s and your love will always be. Nothing can change that. You can go on – one breath, one tear, one new day at a time. Vickie and I are with you in Spirit and our love and prayers surrounds you.
God bless Suzanne and Davie. Give them comfort and peace. Let your love fill their hearts and lives today and in the days to come. Amen
Suzanne and David, I feel it a tremendous honor to have been able to share in this memorial site. I don’t know you and did not know your son, but I feel that Carol Waid shared it with me out of love and respect for you. I know very well the pain endured in watching someone go through such a horrible illness and struggle to repair their health. When my mother died in my arms, that was a defining moment for me and it has shaped my every thought, word and deed every since then. It’s something that is hard to describe and no words will ease your pain, but know that I feel that you are so surrounded by love and grace and I hope it brings you comfort and joy in your heart. You and David had a wonderful son it’s very apparent and I know he must have loved you both so very very much. I am so sorry that his journey left his body so depleated, but I think that he himself even would not have changed a thing. I think he was so blessed to have you and your husband for parents, friends, and companions along his journey. I believe he must have touched a lot of people in his lifetime and the memories people have of him will be cherished ones. I pray that God blankets you with that peace that passes all understanding. I ask that he heal your heart, and dry your tears in time and that he continue to bless you with peaceful memories of your dear son as he will be in your heart forever. And, you too will see him once again, and that will be such a grand reunion. May peace be with you. Shelley
David and Suzanne,
The news of Davis’ passing came to our family just yesterday. I want both to know that our love for you comes throught this wonderful new method to be felt right away!
I still remember Davis coming to our house for Justin’s many Birthdays and parties! He was always smiling and so beautifully friendly in every way!
One particular evening it was late and a lot of cleaning and picking up needed to be done. He came up to me and said,”Mrs. Lowe,I want to stay and help you until you just don’t need me anymore. I have had such a good time!” so we cleaned up together for about an hour and then he left.That is the first and last time we talked and were together. He left a shining light when he left, and I realized that he probably had that kind of presence where ever he went!
My heart breaks for you both…I know what it is like to lose a piece of your heart..I will pray and ask God to comfort you in whatever way is best for both of you,for I truly found that He was the only source of comfort through many wonderful friends as I know you have!
Much Love and tears for you,Sheryl,Doc and Justin Lowe
Dear Suzanne & David ~
There are no words. Davis has “gone home;” returned to “the Source,” and although we grieve his passing and short time in our midst, he has left his legacy … Davis was/is a “light.” He was/is pure love – and it radiated from him. Our times together were brief, but always joy-filled and I so appreciated the “presence” between us. Davis was an “old soul …” ~ perhaps this time around, he “got it,” and it was merely time to exit. His transition has left volumes of thought for those of us left behind …
Thought-filled-ness.
Freedom, deliverance and the “keys to the Kingdom …”
Lights as big as Davis’s can never go “out.”
Love & light always … Barb
The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
You will always be his Mommy and Daddy. You are in my prayers.
A poem by Mary Frye~
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.
We are very sorry to hear of Davis’ passing. We go back to remembering our most recent evening with Davis and you both at Maudie’s. Davis was full of enthusiasm and warmth. We share in your loss and offer you both all our love and support. We will be there at the service.
To the Armistead Family:
I went to school with Davis. Like too many, we lost touch over the years. I happened to be going through the paper this morning and saw a familiar smile. I was astonished to see that it was in the obituarary section. Tears came to my eyes, especially after reading the previous postings to find out that he was in pain although I never knew it. That is the amazing thing about him: he was ALWAYS smiling. Everytime I saw him.
My thoughts and prayers go out to all who are remembering him. I hope that his smile will be the first thought that comes to mind when his name is spoken, because that’s what will come to mine. I also pray for some sort of comfort for all in the time following his passing and that God will wrap his arms around your hearts and hold you even tighter. Please know that he was a beam of sunshine to everyone and his smile brought many, many smiles to those around him.
We just found out about Justin (Davis’) passing, and as we review all that people have said here, Tim and I are humbled and honored to be in the realm of the incredible Armistead family spirit – and although words will never capture what there is to say — we connect here now in sharing with you.
We are blessed to have known Justin (Davis) as a youth in Chicago. We are remembering incredible times at our Christmas parties and Thanksgiving tables, sharing so profoundly in our wedding celebration, looking for his pet ferret in the alleyways, talking/walking and playing at our Cottage, and being at the hospital when we first learned that he had rheumatoid arthritis and what it took for you all as a family to deal with this in the best possible way.
As we heard from you last year, we cherished the full life that Justin (Davis) lived throughout the world and knowing that he reached people and places we will never know and yet leaves an imprint that will last many lifetimes.
We want to take this opportunity to acknowledge you as parents — the intimacy that you engaged and shared — and the life that Justin has been able to live way beyond his years. The combination of his fortitude, courage and grace is beyond words, and as he stretches his wing to fly through to the Light he will embrace and carry many lost souls who had given up making the journey.
We forever treasure your Souls and appreciate the forever connection we will always have.
When one is face to face with the mysteries of Birth, Love and Death, there is no refuge except that of being ruthlessly present to the moment. Spending these last few days with you two has, even considering the many travails we’ve negotiated together over the years, brought a new depth of admiration for your courage and wisdom, and has summoned the very essence of Grace into the compass of your extended family. Little did I realize that witnessing Davis coming into this world would take me along a path to such a joyful place of Gratitude.
Love always,
–Spider
I leave you with this:
Death, what are you?
–I am the shadow of life.
Death, of what are you born?
–I am born of ignorance.
Death, where is your abode?
–My abode is in the mind of illusion.
Death, do you ever die?
–Yes, when pierced by the arrow of the seer’s glance.
Death, whom do you draw near to you?
–I draw him closer who is attracted to me.
Death, whom do you love?
–I love him who longs for me.
Death, whom do you attend?
–I readily attend him who calls on me.
Death, whom do you frighten?
–I frighten the one who is not familiar with me.
Death, whom do you caress?
–The one who lies trustfully in my arms.
Death, with whom are you severe?
–I am severe with him who does not readily respond to my call.
Death, whom do you serve?
–I serve the godly, and when he returns home I carry his baggage.
As parents, we only get glimpses of the deep sorrow and pain that comes with the loss of a precious child. We did not know Davis, but from his pictures we can see that he was a beautiful young man with a zest and love of life. Those eyes are amazing. In this intense time of personal contemplation and life’s reflection, we send our love and prayers and our thoughts and prayers will be with you. May all that you stand for, bring you to the other side of this experience.
Early last week, I was thinking a lot about Davis (I’m taking some multimedia classes at San Francisco State) and his love of music and wishing that he was still in San Francisco to work with me. So when Craig called to tell me of his passing, I was just shocked as if this just could not be.
The last time I saw him was when we drove over to Alameda to pick up an energy machine and spend some time with this healer over there. We listened to Miles Davis during the drive and Davis seemed in good spirits and we had a nice time together.
I first met Davis over at Charlie’s when he was passing through from China and it was amazing to me how he could have learned and mastered Mandarin and lived in China as if it were his second home. And he was just 20 …amazing.
You both are such dear people as well as some of the most supportive parents that I’ve ever met Words seem very inadequate but you are in my thoughts and prayers and I am sending you heartfelt embrace from afar.
I love you both and I send you my deepest and heartfelt sympathy.
My best memory of Davis, since I only knew him as a child, is the time you had the birthday party for him at about age 4 or 5….you had a magician come to your house, and, as usual, your love was flowing not only to your son, but also to the children and families of those who were Davis’s friends. My 26 year old Danny and my 24 year old Robert still remember that awesome and fun party! AND I remember that Davis was a very intuitive and gifted child who was very loving and kind…and, of course, quite funny and bright. His shooting star lighted all the lives of those he knew.
Yes, he will be missed terribly. But, he has taken a trip to a wonderful land and he is already thrilled at being there!
My sincerest thoughts and prayers are with you. I remember a memorable eveing in the late 90’s when you hosted a performers night at a coffee house. I met Justin that night and we had a wonderful visit outside – he impressed me so much with his intelligence and caring demeanor.
May these words give some comfort….
I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord, which made Heaven and earth.
The Lord shall preserve thee from all evil; He shall preserve thy soul. The Lord shall preserve thy going out and the coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.
I wish I were only more practiced at this, but I have had similar feelings in contact with Davis as his friend did. In my readings to him of the Tibetan Book on the third day of his passing, I felt that he was already being guided, easily, and in his style, playfully, through the ethers. I am doing daily meditations for and with him and I continually see his mischievous smile and twinkling eyes.
The grace with which you all are handling his transition makes this all seem so normal, so healthy, such a blessing. I alternate between tears of sadness and tears of joy, and I am so profoundly experiencing Davis’ incredible, deep love for us, pouring through me from across the veil. We are all truly blessed to have one another this lifetime and beyond. Leave it to Davis to take the lead on this aspect of our adventure together and take us all by the hand…I will miss his physical presence immensely…my heart reaches across the miles to yours.
Trying to figure out what he wanted his name to be… Justin or Davis, Davis or Justin, what I liked is that he would answer to both!
This little guy was smarter than a whip with computer games and had the brightest cherub face you’d ever want to see.
He had a dog named Lazer, a loyal sidekick! He also had pet ferrets, it was the first time I had seen such a creature, cooool.
One Halloween he wanted to be Robin Hood and asked if I would make him his costume. Suzanne and I had fun creating the most courageous young man in green tights you’d ever seen! He was very pleased!
We danced together with Suzanne to the 5 rhythms of Gabrielle Roth.
He also loved food, while living in Chicago, Davis, Suzanne and David introduced us Midwesterners to Texas BBQ, shipped in from yes sir… Texas. We ate until we were stuffed and all had fun pickin’ our teeth together.
In recent years I visited the Armisteads in Austin. Davis picked me up from the airport, I don’t know many 23 year olds that would do this. After not seeing him since our Chicago days I recognized him immediately and our conversation picked up from where we left off. In his animated way he told me about his time in Asia, his love for music, his friends and the fun he had had and his intentions of returning. He also talked candidly about the medication he had been taking for his pain and his desire to be free of it. He’s always been a passionate kid and I could see that as a young man it was truly who he was.
Suzanne and David,
I am deeply saddened that he has left our physical world. What I know is that he is so loved by you both. He had the loving and peaceful soul of you Suzanne and that crazy, wacky side of David, always exploring and living life to the fullest. I know that you have each found the peace within you to let Davis be in a better place– free of his pain.
I’m sending you my love and radiate healing energy to give you strength through this time. I am with you my friends.
Love, Love, Love. I send you my sincere love and appreciation.
Ultimately all there is is love. I am silent and still here and now,
feeling my love for you.
If I ever do or ever did get the chance to be a son of yours… or a parent
of yours, I would take it.
Love love love your precious and sweet sweet hearts.
Forive me for responding in this impersonal way. However, prior commitments and travel out of country prevent me from being with you personally.
I did a candlelight vigil on Wednesday night to contact Davis’ soul. I found him happy and at peace. His only concern seemed to be that you would know with certianty that his death was an accident and not intentional. I
I saw his spirit soaring into the light and followed him as far as I could into it. I have stayed in touch for the past couple of days. He had so much spirituality in him that his transition was quite swift and easy.
I know this is an odd message. It is not the first time that I have been asked to deliver this kind of message. It is somewhat awkward for me to do so, but I made to promise and I want you to know that I am quite confident that it is true.
With all blessing and in appreciation of the joy and light that Davs was briefly in my life,
I am so deeply sorry about the loss of your son and want to send to you
my most heartfelt prayers for healing and peace to you both and your
family. From your message, it is clear that you all are surrounded in
love and that your loving relationship with Davis is a source of
blessing and strength in such a difficult time.
I want to express our deepest, heartfelt condolences upon your separation from Davis. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. We are moved and deeply saddened by the enormity of your loss, but encouraged and greatly inspired by your letter and the knowledge that you remain linked to Davis through the power of love.
Please don’t hesitate to call on us for any assistance that you may deem necessary, no matter how small, in the days ahead.
My deepest sympathies to you. I have been praying for you guys very much over the past few months….
I love Davis very very much, and I consider it an honor and a priveledge to have been able to meet him and spend time with him. He is a true Master, and a powerful teacher for me. I am so pleased to hear that you feel like you guys were able to gain completion.
At the same time, I know this is a big loss for both of you in this time of transition. I send you light, and my deepest and warmest regards of love.
I never met your son, as we have been separated these 25 years by geography and perhaps other things that I did not understand. It was a circumstance that caused me regret whenever I thought about it, as you and Suzanne had once been among my dearest friends.
Nor can I imagine your pain, as I have no children of my own, much less a son who has predeceased me; I only know that it is universally agreed upon that a parent’s loss of a child is the worst pain that any human can suffer. That my two loving, kind, and funny friends should have to endure this saddens my deeply.
However I do know that you two share a profound and sincere spirituality and are dedicated seekers of wisdom, and I can count on you to view this terrible loss as an opportunity for further enlightenment.
Please accept my heartfelt sympathy, for whatever that’s worth after all these years, and my sincere condolences. Be brave.
Suzanne & David,
We were so sad to hear about Davis. Though our paths have not brought us together in a while, I am eternally grateful to Davis for bringing you both to start the parents group and for being there to get it going.This group has been instumental in restoring relationships between parents and their children. I know for me personally I have learned to love in spite of the conditions. I will have to write to tell Shannon of the physical loss of Davis. I know he will be terribly sad for I know Davis was the light in connecting all of us.You were the most loving parents and I am hopeful that in times to come that same love will give you strength.
Love,
Hannah and Butch
Suzanne & David,
We wanted to tell you how sorry we are to hear of your loss. Davis is an amazing soul. He is on a much higher plane than the rest of us. Darin so valued his friendship. We were all fortunate to visit with Davis last Christmas holiday to catch up on his incredible life adventures. Know that Davis gave our family such pleasure with his presence and he will be truly and sadly missed.
Are hearts are with you,
Lowell, Sue, York & Darin Fowler
Death is nothing at all…I have only slipped away into the next room…I am I, and you are you…Whatever we were to each other, that we are still. Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way you always used. Put no difference into your tone; wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without effect, without the ghost of a shadow on it. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is absolutely unbroken continuity. Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near just around the corner…All is well.
Suzanne & David, I only just met Davis in the spring of this year, at a Hildegirls concert, but I had heard you both speak lovingly of him for years. I learned more looking through this beautiful website you put together for him and can see and feel the love you have for him. Words like loss seem so small because I know your hearts are so full.
Warmest Regards,
Mary Ann Reynolds
I do not know either of you very well nor did i know Davis extremely well. I had the pleasure of meeting him about 2 1/2 years ago through Shannon Munden. It was only about 6 months that i spent some time with him but was able to see such a beautiful person inside of him and a gentle and kind soul. when i heard of his passing, i could not help but feel extreme sadness. i had lost touch with him and had always wondered how he was doing and where life had taken him. My mom, Beth Bull, told me that Davis and i played together when we were like 3 years old and i really had no memory of that but thought that was interesting. I just want you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers and i hope you can find peace and comfort soon.
I have poured over every photo of this wonderful man who is your son, Davis. What an amazing gift from God that you got to be his mom, and that he got to be your son. Suzanne, remember when we were children and we planned out our lives as if we had complete control over our future? It is almost laughable now that, as experienced adults, we realize how very little power we have and how enormous is the power of God. As a mother, I feel your pain and suffer with you – and for you, and as a believer, I rejoice in the undescribable love you must have shared with your child – and that you have more love to look forward to sharing with him. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, along with Davis and his father, and all the many people who loved him. Your friend always. Love, Danna.
Davis always had a twinkle in his eyes that made me what to squeeze him!
I remember so many fun times when he and Michael use to get in his room, or at our house and make magic! I am so glad that we have the pictures of when we all went to Disney World! What happy memories of those two little boys mingling with their fellow magicians. Frozen in time is the photo of Davis when he saw the fire swallowing dancer. amd his sweet face as he watched the amazing fireworks.
Oh…and I still laugh when I think of that picture of him in his role as Siskel or Ebert…I forget which one he portrayed. He was perfect! We were all excited about his big break in show business because there was no doubt that he could have been a star. But, alas, when Davis saw how grueling “the bright lights” could be…he wisely said, ” I just want to be a kid.”
I remember Davis as sweet, kind, funny, and oh….what an imagination!
There are some people who are just too gentle for this world…and Davis was one on them. His precious light now is illuminating his section of Heaven, and I fully expect to see him as a shining star.
There are so many broken hearts today in Austin, San Francisco, Chicago and China. The world weeps with you, my precious friends.
Although I didn’t know Davis, I am so saddened by this news for my extended family. His grandfather Davis and my mother were cousins, and I still see Davis and Cora when possible. His father David and I saw each other yearly as children, and though I haven’t seen David in way too many years, I have very found memories of our childhood. I know with a grandfather and father that are so wonderful, that Davis must have been wonderful as well.
From everything I have seen on this website, it has been my loss not to have known this member of the family.
I can imagine no greater pain than losing a child. My grief for the difficult time my dear relatives must experience is great, and I know their grief is a thousand times that. It must seem that everything you thought the future would be, is no longer. Yet you will have a future, and I hope that, though the pain will never go away, it will at least allow you to have fond memories of this wonderful spirit, and keep him in your future that way.
It’s those left behind who suffer. For Davis, this time isn’t an ending, but a beginning.
I am so sorry to hear about the passing of Davis. My thoughts and my prayers are with you now and as the weeks pass.
There may be nothing in our lives more unfair than to surive a child. But I hope that you find strength and peace in remembering all that you all shared together. I wish I had some magic words to make you heart happy. Please know that you are held in love.
Dear Scooz and David,
What a little treasure Davis was… He was so impish and funny and deep. I love that we all got to go to see Amma Gi together and then go to see Ratatouille… I always felt like I saw some part of myself in Davis, just like I see myself in you. I will forever remember his smile and big bright eyes. I can only think now that part of his reason for living was to bring this peace and love and outpouring of genuine heartfelt sentiments to all of us, all of our family and all of our friends. It’s truly amazing that in moments like this in life, everything that isn’t important falls away and makes room for what “is” – like our profound love for one another…
“Important events-whether serious, happy or unfortunate do not change a man’s soul. They merely bring it into relief, just as a strong gust of wind reveals the true shape of a tree when it blows off all its leaves. Such events highlight what is hidden in the shadows; they nudge the spirit towards a place where it can flourish.”
Irene Nemirovsky
I will miss him but am grateful to have had him in my life. love, Tweet
Dear Suzanne and David,
I once meet the coolest man when I was visiting Dr B. I can see him now, he was so nice, low key and sweet sitting on the couch. His light filled up the room. I knew he was special. I was delighted, and not surprised at all, when I found out he was your son. How perfect. A son of two such joyous and loving people. He would be loving and share his love and light with all he met. How divine. Thank you for giving the world this gentle soul. I am so glad I got to meet your treasure. He’s smiling, I can feel it. Thanks Davis! Thanks for being so nice to me and sharing you when we met. Good job you guys. You gave the planet a good, loving man. I’m happy I got to meet him. Yea Suzanne and David!!!
I send my love and my thanks,
Maggie
Thank you for spending some time with me on the phone in the midst of
this. As you know, at some very important level, Davis, you and
Suzanne are indelibly part of our “real family;” those precious few
souls we affiliate with over the span of a life, who remain in the
heart regardless of time apart and distance. So, I have been
literally feeling this situation at a deep level, in my heart center,
since we received the news. Your request for Davis to be held up in
the light of our spiritual framework and practice is being honored. I
feel more connected to Davis now than ever, in an inexplicable way. I
also feel deeply that his soul journey was mightily empowered by his
splendid time on earth in this life — a perfect life, with such
splendid parents as you and Suzanne. That is, I suppose the other
reason I feel this so deeply; when we first met, and after I had a
chance to meet Davis, and then had my first child, you became a
larger than life, archetypal role model as a father. So, in a sense,
I feel I am watching a lineage master go through this. That isn’t
coming out quite right, but I think you get what I am saying. I am so
impacted by the way you have handled this, emotionally, that I can’t
thank you enough for the gift. I hope this all makes some sense. We
are in prayer for his transition. I know if will be perfect.
I learned late Friday and have been very sad. I just went and held my Cutco knives and cried. [Davis used to sell Cutco knives.] Seems odd to do but Davis touched me deeply.
I cannot express in words my grief and sadness, much less begin to fathom your tragedy or sense of loss.you two know .And as you know, I have always felt so close and beloved by you ,touched by your philosophical delicacy and tenderness in your apraisment of the world around us.
I know you are two people who can teach teach othes your depth of strength of courage and love , for it is what you have managed with grace and dignity.
I can only imagine Davis’s pain, not ever having been faced with a serious health issue.and although I was once diagnosed with artheritus in my eyes , I was relieved to have a second oppinion that it was, in fact not idiolectic arthritus. I looked it up and was frightened and faced teh issues he must have had to live with on a daily basis. And I do not fault him for wanting to ecape the pain.
Davis knew just how deeply he was cared for and loved by you , and how lucky he was to have two great parents who have been there for him and now have still more challenges ahead.
I want you to know, that I was so touched by his essence, his spirit when I saw him last. So full of life and hope and kindness and ambition. We promised to touch base for his dreams.And when I introduced him to his cousins Katy and Alexi, please know that his gentle kind comapassionate,gentility was more than apparent. He was so nice to the girls and funny too.
Thankyou for bringing his spirit into the physical world, and we were all touched by his laughter and wit and brightness forever.
I have written so many drafts and discarded them, wanting to impart whatever words of healing,I can muster , but knowing your capacity for higher consciousness I know you would probably already have them in your heart, to share with us.And from the out pouring of love you are receiving I want to add, but am a loss until I see you. To tell you anything more, if I could without restraint , I will share anecdotes you may not yet know that are a treasure.
So For now, I send you my best deepest felt hugs to erase this pain and shock and sadness we all are feeling for you now and forever more.You know how much I love you. Last I saw him, he showed me in the glint of in his eyes, his good heart and also hinted proudly to me how much he treasured your lexpressions of love between the two of you, whiule we were both watching you two dance at Bobby and Kristas wedding . You can imagine how we both shared a gentle smile of secret knowing , watching you two frolic and boogie , inlove and reenforcing his sense of belonging.It was a poignant moment I want to pass along , so you know the sacredness of that moment felt for me.
I love you so much I can only pray that you are receiptive to my condolences and that when teh sun shines, you will see where his sparkles fall, he will remain among our hearts forever.
I wanted to send you my deepest sympathy with the loss of your son and to let you know that Nick passed away on Friday 9/7/07 and we will be having his memorial on Thursday evening and if you are up to it would love to have you there. He thought of you as a true friend… Call me anytime.
Kristin
====================
Monday, September 10, 2007 8:55 AM
Well… We’re losing such good ones.
As you know, Nicholas was a real light to me. He was my hero.
Suzanne and I have scheduled a trip together to grieve and heal immediately following the Tue nite memorial for our son. We will not be back until the week of the 17th, and so will not be joining you on Thur – to my deep regret.
When I return, if you have the time, I would like to get together with you for coffee or lunch and share some time. There are some wonderful memories of Nicholas I would like you to have.
Sincerely,
David Armistead
=======================
Mon, Sep 10, 2007 5:12 pm
David,
I would so love to meet with you one day… Nick, really enjoyed the friendship he had with you…
Enjoy your trip and know that my thoughts and prayers are with you also.
I am trying to attend tomorrow nights service so I can express my sympathy in person.
No one knows the sorrow of loosing a child until they loose one. We’ve been blessed by still having our 3 boys, so, we’ve not “walked in your shoes”.
We are thinking of you & hope in time the pain & sorrow will ebb – it will never, never be forgotten.
Our thoughts & prayers,
Mary Jo & James
I remember playing swords with Davis. He made me laugh so hard. I saw him at Spider House, and he was so sweet and asked me to sit at his table,while he was making plans for an event in San Francisco. He will always be my friend, and I will miss him always.
We wish we could take all your pain away and wish this horrible tragedy never happened. But, you should have no regrets because you are two of the best parents. What a loving and fun house to grow up in! All that great parenting paid off because Davis was truly a special young man. He always seeked the truth from the time he was a little boy. His eyes were always so bright reflecting the love and sense of humor in him. If you met Davis, he was one of those people that you just fell in love with. He was such a wonderful mix of intellect and love much like his Mom and Dad. He knew how much he was loved. We know he is now with the True Healer and feels no pain. We pray that God’s comforting spirit be with you for He is the only one that can give you comfort. Don’t you know God has his hands full answering all of Davis’ questions? We will always miss Davis and always think of him. Love you dearly.
As a therapist and a hospice volunteer, I have spent a great deal of time with the dying and with those left behind. And still, for me it is a mystery that can not be demystified. I only know you through the Anam Thubten group and I did not know your son. The great Tibetan teacher, Marpa, who is especially dear to his countryman because he was the first Tibetan in a great lineage, deeply mourned the death of his own son, Dode. Marpa’s famous wife Dagmema and his famous student Milerapa both wept too. His son’s mental continuum was released into the vast expanse, the dharmadhatu, by the practice of Powa, the ejection of consciousness at the time of death. Even the great Patrul Rinpoche had Powa performed as he died. So, even though I have not learned much from my many great teachers over the last 35 years, I performed Powa, as I was taught, for Justin at my altar, under the watchful eyes of my masters. I would like to attend the memorial ceremony, but I am going to a lecture on how to understand white blood cell tests. As I have leukemia (as yet a very easy and even helpful disease), this is an area of special interest for me. Of course, if I can do anything to help, please call me. I have some experience in this challenging part of our lives. May all beings benefit.
Steve
762-2885
I met Davis at Colin Gilmore’s wedding. We had a long rambling talk about Tibet, Lubbock, music, weird friends, Jesus, Buddha, and a bunch I can’t remember. Throughout the evening we ran into each other again and again and the badinage flowed as between old friends. I always figured I’d see Davis again and I still figure so. Om Mani Padme Hum, little brother.
Thank you for including us in this awesome yet intimate circle of love for Davis and the two of you. It is very powerful as we can feel it from many hundreds of miles away from Austin.
Please know that our thoughts and prayers are with you today and always.
I am filled with so many emotions this rainy Sept. morning. Looking forward to embracing my lifelong friend, yet mourning the reason for this reunion. Davis’s sudden and unexpected death has brought back so many memories and emotions for our family. Cindy, knowing the depth of your loss and the numbing pain, simply wants to wrap you in her love. I still marvel at her strength and courage after having lost Trav. I know she will tell you that time does NOT heal all wounds, it simply makes things more bearable. We all cherish our wonderful memories of Trav, but grief is a long and painful journey. My admiration for my precious sister is unending. Her tribute to her son and her way of trying to make sense of his sudden death, is to be the kindest, most compassionate person I know. What more can we do but attempt to live in such a way that brings honor to our loved one. I know you and David live your life in just that way. None of us can make this easier or less painful. I simply hope in some small way our love will help make your grief more bearable. I love you, I have loved you since first grade, and will love you beyond.
I’m so honored and grateful that we’ve all had the good sense to find each other…
In meditation this morning I was taken back to a meditation of 5 years ago. The phone rang and it was my beloved Mom, who informed me that the Twin Towers had been hit. As so many of us did, I lost it because immediately I knew that the reality I had carefully constructed for myself was shattered forever. As I wept she said to me, with such boundless peace and love, “Sweetheart, it’s all going to be okay.”
Little did I know that 3 months later she too would physically be gone from my life. The grief was overwhelming. Yet her transfiguration gifted me with the courage to set out on my quest to learn to live my life to the fullest, with heart and eyes wide open.
Looking at the photo of the three of you on the home page, that’s what I see: three beautiful people with their hearts and eyes wide open (full of beans and bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as my Mom always said).
In my mind, Davis is now permanently entwined with me every year I celebrate my birthday, the date we share. I’ll always remember that day in your apartment, Suzanne, when he was so exasperated with you excitedly telling him for the umpteenth time that we were both born on March 12th. That was a great mom/son moment.
La Huntress and I love you folks so much and are here for you always…
oxo,
Mags
My intent was to try to write some words of comfort to you, and now, after reading all the wonderful things that have been written about Davis, I find that I am the one who has been comforted. When my own son died, it was Davis who would call me often just to see how I was doing. What a rare and special gift to find in someone who was then only 16. I have seen his smiling face at my door many times over the years and he will be deeply missed.
I know your hearts are so broken and I know that you want nothing more than to go and be with him. As you walk through the dark days ahead, hold tight to one another and find comfort in your memories and peace in how much your son loved you — and you, him.
I will always remember Davis’ eyes, always bright like the 4th of July and a smile that sang from deep in his heart, and in those things from him there always seemed to be a reflection of all you lovely people.
Dear Suzanne and David,
In my post above I very much simplified the story of Marpa’s son. I hope you don’t mind. I just wanted to say that even great spiritual teachers mourn and that the Tibetans value Powa. Reading these posts, I wish I had known him. Good luck.
It’s been such a long time since we’ve seen one another, but all time is dismissed in the urgent rush to grieve with you. Davis was just a little boy when I knew him — my own sons are 6 and 10 today. Mostly how I remember him is through my admiration for you as his mother, Suzanne — your free expression of your love for him and your wonder at every little miracle that popped out of his mouth. I can only get so close to imagining how heartbroken you are before I feel my own heart breaking too. I’m so very very sorry.
Dear David and Suzanne,
I want to share with you that this is the time to celebrate his young life and to know that you will see him again in heaven. When you feel that soothing touch on your face of an early morning breeze, that will be your son touching you with his love and thanks for the wonderful life you gave him. I am so sorry for your loss. But I know that you will be together again.
I am a graduate of the Truth Be Told Program and Carol Waid sent me notice of Davis’ passing.
My prayers are with you and yours. God loves you and He will comfort you as none of us can.
By His power to rule all things, He will change our simple bodies and make them like His own glorious body. Phillipians 3:21
Davis’ is now healed and hole like our Father. Love, Deborah Keahl
I am stunned and saddened. Yet as I watched the beautiful restrospective photos I am lightened and gladdened for a life well- and fully-lived. As a parent I dare not fathom your feelings. Even so, I am reminded of the words of a poet, which I would like to share with you in the spirit of closure, of awe and of hope:
And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, “Speak to us of Children.”
And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.
I wish you both the ultimate gladness of the bow. My love is with you. And Davis is in my heart.
Your friend,
I cannot begin to put into words the deep sadness that I feel at the loss of your only child, Davis. My mother’s mind just cannot begin to grasp or comprehend the tremendous burden that the Lord has placed upon your hearts. But, know that my mother’s heart goes out to you in consolation during this time of great sorrow, for yours is a suffering beyond mere words or understanding.
Please know that I am keeping you both in prayer before Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I pray as well that our Blessed Mother Mary will bless you and comfort you in the mantle of her holy protection. Place your trust in the Lord and He will bless you with the grace to sustain you while you endure this terrible loss of your Davis.
I am offering Masses for him and am praying a Novena of Rosaries for his soul beginning on the day he passed and continuing for 54 days. I pray that this provides you with some comfort during the coming weeks.
May the comfort and healing power of the Lord be with you both and may you find solace in the Savior’s unending Love for you now and always.
Love,
Sandy
At the end of a long night of sleeplessness or suffering, sunrise brings joy and hope for the day to come. At the end of the long night of death and sin, the rising of Christ, the Sun of Justice, brings joy and hope for the life to come. In the light of the resurrection, we see and live anew, knowing that all is in and from God’s hand, returning all to him with thanks and praise.
Clark Samson called us to tell us the dreadful news of Davis’s death…can 25 years have passed so quickly? I ran to the bookcase to get out my copy of the EQUINOX Fall 1982 and quickly flipped to the pages you so tenderly wrote about the birth of your dear son. My tears stained the pages, my heart aches for your loss…for my loss…because I never got to meet Davis. I have poured over every photo and every beautiful comment people have written to you in hopes of a glimpse of his precious life…and I felt so comforted! What a wonderful network of friends and family you have…what an incredible spirit your son has… it shines so brightly we are touched deeply without even knowing him.
I am so moved by this site and all the amazing love and support that’s been coming your way. I know that in the midst of your grief you are so proud of your son. I wish I’d had the chance to meet him for he surely must have been awesome.
Suzanne, a mother’s letter to her son that is no longer on this earth is a difficult thing to read – but I am comforted to believe, as you do, that HE IS.
Davis was one of the kindest and most generous guys that I know. He was always willing to listen to anything and everything anyone had to say and never passed any type of judgement on anyone at anytime. His soul was so supportive and encouraging as well as his awesome smile…it will be missed.
He was a man of his word and when he said he would call he would. Always reminding me of concerts and fun festivals that were coming up. The last time I spoke with him I was in Montreal and he wanted me to go to a show of one of his favorites…I felt so honored to be invited but I was unfortunetly out of the country.
I wish so bad to have him back. I wish so bad I could hug him for one last time and to see his contagious smile light up any room.
Suzanne and David, your son was a beautiful person inside and out and loved greatly by everyone who knew him. He will be missed but not forgotten.
Dear Suzanne and David…
Last I saw you at Friday night meditation, I now realize how deeply you both were into Davis’ lightening and transition, tho no word was said…. I think of Kahil Ghbran’s poem about how our children are not ours but God’s, and they come through us. We then become an archer’s bow, our child the arrow whom we load w/ experience, strength, courage, and laughter – and release into their own flight —- so it seems it is w/ Davis, as he arcs and lights the sky cresting into a target we do not know.
If heaven is a practice and not a destination, then this lesson not one a parent plans and yet you have opened the book and have kissed the words….
Martha
I’m sad that I didn’t have a chance to meet Davis and hang out with him. Since we all became fast friends so quickly, I just assumed that was coming… we take things for granted. It didn’t happen, but he’s still there in your hearts, so in a sense I’m meeting him now, by feeling your love for him, which is intense and touching all of us.
I want you to know how wonderful and amazing the celebration of Davis’ life was last night. I was incredibly moved and uplifted. It was truely a celebration of a life well lived and a life full of love and spirit.
I hope that the days ahead of you will be a time of healing and love. My heart, prayers and good thoughts will be with you both.
Suzanne is was so good to connect with you again. I won’t let go this time . . . that I promise. You and David are both a very positive force and love and energy radiate from both of you. I felt this even though it is such a difficult time for you. I want to continue to feel your energy and spirituality.
Take good care my friends. I love you both, Dannie
Growing up with Justin in Chicago and attending grade school with him, the memories that stay with me to this day are his warmth, humor, intelligence and energy. I always felt welcome at your home and looked forward to the times when I could spend time with Justin. To this day I am amazed at his curiosity and insight at such a young age and am happy that I was able to share that time in my life with him.
Dear Suzanne & David,
Having known, directly and indirectly, Justin since he was about 8 years of age, I can say that you can be proud to have such a wonderful son.
Also, over all these years, I have only known you both to be loving, strong, and supportive parents. I pray that you endure and remain the positive forces in this world that you have already been.
Thank you too for being a great comfort to Justus.
To Susie,
Thank you for making this website for us all to share our memories and express our emotions. I draw comfort from everyone even though I am a perfect stranger to most, only knowing Justin. It’s awesome. I have logged on to this website every day now in my time of grief. Thank you everyone.
I would have written, shared, sooner but I had trouble posting. I’m the mother of Justus and Johannes, two of Justin’s friends. Justus was the one who lived with him in China. They taught English there for about a year and a half. It was a rare experience that I know he wouldn’t have had if it weren’t for Justin. I thought, what better way to see and experience the world, as living and working somewhere, most especially with a good and so gifted a person as Justin.
We met when Justin entered Justus’ 2nd grade class at the Waldorf school in Chicago. They became good friends. I liked Justin for his exuberance, inquisitiveness and just pure happiness. When he moved back to Texas a few years later, I thought that was the end of their friendship but they stayed in touch, especially Justus. They had similar interest and taste in music. So, during the China stay, Justus joined in on Justin’s plans to eventually do promotions/shows in the music industry. This was the driving force for Justin’s later stay in San Francisco and Justus joined him there, after a little coaxing from Justin. They did get along though, through thick and thin. Justin even became my friend! He’d talk to me on the phone for hours at a time, mostly about Justus, never himself. I think Justin could genuinely connect with just about anyone. And never dismiss anyone either, even me, a “mom”.
When I visited them in San Francisco, I noticed that he was moving very stiffly but I never seen him wince or heard him utter a sound from the pain he must have been feeling. And, he would just talk about so many other things, it was too easy for me to forget his condition. By the way, he made the greatest ginger vinegar flavored sea bass that I have ever tasted! He said that he learned it in China.
Without him now, the world seems to turn a little slower.
We will sorely miss him in our lives but I know we must be grateful now for the times that we had with him. And when we finally follow him, we will then know the sense of all of this.
I was so saddened to hear about your loss. After looking at the pictures of Davis and seeing the laughter, love and happiness in his eyes, I feel like he lived a blessed life. My prayers are with you constantly. Carry on with your good work in this life. God bless
I have only spent hours with you, and a single evening with Davis,
but I love all of you.
I miss Davis and I believe we would’ve spent time together when
I was in Texas.
Also, I feel that Davis was blessed to have you for parents and that
there was a plan for you to be together. If you were my parents,
and Davis were my brother, I would feel as blessed as I do in this
life with my own dear parents.
My love is with you all. And my missing of you, Davis, fills my heart
with a deeper awareness of this life.
As parents who, like you, have lost a child, we know your pain,. We feel it with you all over again. But like us, you will get better, though it will never be the same – nor should it be. Though Davis touched our lives just briefly, we will remember him, and you, always. Be well … we know you will. With compassion and love, George and Madelaine
The celebration for Davis was incredible. I am so glad that I was able to attend and be a part of his journey. The two of you are remarkably strong. The waves of grief will always be there but the happy times of your lives together will outweigh the sad ones. My prayer for Davis,
May the angels lead you into paradise;
may the martyrs come to welcome you,
and take you to the Holy City,
the new and eternal Jerusalem.
May the choirs of angels welcome you
where Lazarus is poor no longer
May you find eternal rest. Amen
Eternal rest grant unto them O Lord
and let perpetual light shine upon them
May they rest in peace.
May their souls and the souls of all the faithful departed,
through the mercy of God,
rest in peace. Amen
Though I did not have the good fortune to know Davis, I feel so sorry for your profound loss. The photos of Davis tell me that he was a bearer of the light
and I imagine that now he is a greeter for all of us that follow.
My heart is with you during this time and know that you are enfolded in the arms of love with all around you.
To the Armistead Family, we extend our heartfelt sympathy to to all ofer your great loss. May God bless each of you. May it help to know that others care and love you .
Dearest Suzanne and David,
Every member of our family fell in love with you two, and by agreement with that, Davis, from the moment we met. We have cried, grieving with you, and Ann, our oldest, talked about how she would have liked you for parents. We all knew in a blink that your family, your special trio were part of the heart of who we are too–as individuals and as family.
I wish we could have all been there for Davis’ Memorial Service. Andrew and Jen were both touched by it, by Davis, by you both. Please know how much we love you both and honor the preciousness of Davis.
Shalom …. Welcome … Peace …
On behalf of Suzanne and David,
I want to welcome you to this Service of the Heart:
a service for their precious son — Justin Davis Armistead.
In addition to “Shalom”.
there is another Hebrew expression
that means “welcome:””B’ruchim Habaim.”
The literal translation is “Blessed are those who come”
And truly, we are blessed to come together this evening.
We are blessed to be here
in this sacred circle of family and community,
And we are blessed by the gift of Davis in our lives.
To each of us, that gift meant different things.
Yet, all of us are united in gratitude for that gift.
We don’t get to dictate the terms of a gift.
The fact that a gift is given at all is grace.
And so, we thank Almighty God, the Giver of All Gifts,
for the precious gift we received in Davis.
David has spoken of the ferocious love
that characterized Davis’s life.
The ferociousness of this love
invites us to accept Davis as he was:
All of that passion … and yes, the pain.
And that same ferocious love asks us now
to accept his death as one more step
in the unfolding of his life.
We wish that it were otherwise.
We wish that Davis were here,
so that we could feel one of his bear hugs
one more time.
Instead, we must embrace him in our hearts
and experience what is truest about Davis:
that shining, pure and beautiful essence.
There isn’t a one of us in the past week
who hasn’t been struck
by David and Suzanne’s courage,
by their incredible openness in the face of loss.
This sort of radical openness invites us to face
our own unspoken fears …
our own unattended sorrows …
our own unexpressed grief.
If we can only accept this present moment
And all that it holds, then we find that
grief embraces grace,
tears reveal transformation
and loss can lead us to an even deeper sense of love.
In this present moment lies an opportunity
to experience the deepest truth of life …
the truth of a thousand lifetimes.
We are asked to look beyond the illusion of form
to a reality that is limitless … deathless …
radiant in the Oneness of All That Is.
At last, we find the message that the gospel has for us:
A peace that passes understanding.
Davis’s memorial was the most loving and amazing human-created space I have ever been graced to experience.
I never had a child. I wanted children, but, my body and the universe said “no”. I don’t know what it is like to bear, birth and raise a baby to an adult. I have joyously watched my friends do just that journey. I make a great “Aunt Mona”. I probably would have been a good mom.
So, I don’t know the joy of being a Mom or the unspeakable grief of losing a child. I know the loss of wanting children, of praying for them but never having them. In the space of Davis’ memorial, you two granted me a small glimpse of the journey of being a parent: joy; sorrow;laughter; Davis’ brilliant gathering of articulate and loving friends-each with their own journey; cousins; uncles;aunts;grandparents; trips to the river and Big Bend and just a whisper of what it is to “stand in the Gap” for your child. I am eternally grateful for your gift to me.
Susie, your dance pierced my heart. When I came to speak with you, your Mama love was so fierce and so pure that I became speechless and shy in the presence of that love.I remain in awe. Thank you for dancing. You have my heart; my prayers and,always, my hand.
Thank you for sharing Davis’ life for us. The memorial service has forever changed me.
In the quiet moments of everyday life-at a stop light,after a phone call, my thought and heart slip off to the two of you. I love you both very much.
I love you so much. I want you to know that I have shared, again and again, how i was touched by the magnificence of the three of you. You have modeled for me – love. The four letters that has meaning that is only that which isn’t explained, but what is. The room, filled with so many human beings, in our own worlds, were held by you both and I could feel Davis’ spirit shining on us all, with his so beautiful Armistead smile — which is literally from one ear to another.”
I want to tell you also how much you are guiding me to be my Higher Self. When Nathalie and I came to your home, you met us with open hearts and open minds. It causes me to weep in this very moment, in my very little tree house (office). Your lives have literally given me a path to more wholeness.
I can recall coming to the little wood house, Wolf Sittler’s home and Davis and Dave were on the couch and there was something like Laurel and Hardy on, not sure, but it seems like an old movie. Dave, you and Davis, looked so light with each other and so like ones that were chosed for each other. I am remembering all the times you have all shared about your special movie times together and how you so loved to be family time with each other.
You are such awesome parents that allowed Davis to participate in the world that many children never are able to. You stretched yourselves, financially and emotionally, to allow him to reach his dreams and his ways that he would leave his mark on the world, and so he has.
The eyes are the window to the soul and I believe this more than ever now. As I looked into you both, as you stood so gracefully and present, before us all and held us up as you do, I felt like I was at the feet of GUS (Virginia’s God, Universe and Spirit). Thank you for who you are and for opening you to us.
love love love,
smooch, smooch, smooch
how is flower?
The very next morning, my grand-nephew was watching Bambi at my house and the only part of the movie that I saw was when the skunk came up out of the flowers and Bambi called him/her flower….I saw his/her face and shyness say, “You can call me Flower if you won’t to.” That little flower that Davis gave to you both is certainly a treasure (well now I am not potty training, so it is easy for me to say), but he sure looked like he would be awesome to snoodle with.
My heart goes out to you both. I am so sorry for you indescribable
loss. I remember what a smart cute kid he was, and it is unbelievable that he is gone.
I also remember what amazing parents you were. So caring and patient and gentle. I care very deeply about you, and I hope you can feel my love.
My prior commitments will leave me thinking of Davis and sending my thoughts, prayers and love to you and everyone else who appears at the memorial – from afar. Please forgive my absence. Had I the opportunity to speak there, I would have shared something along the lines of the following:
David was loud. In every sense of the word, Davis was loud.
Yes, he did, in the literal sense, have a boisterious voice that tended to carry. In fact, if Davis ever told you a secret, the you know that even his whisper was unusually loud and was typically accompanied by a level of pronunciation rarely associated with whispering. But his loudness wasn’t restricted to the volume of his voice.
Davis’ personality was just as loud as his voice. And on some days some might even go so far as to say that his personality came off as overbearing. But that’s part of what made Davis who he was, and part of why who he was was so great. Davis wasn’t put here to sit quietly in the back or to watch patiently on the wayside while others bicker back and forth about who’s going to be calling the shots. No. Davis wasn’t shy about much if anything at all. He certainly wasn’t shy about voicing his opinion. If he had an opinion on something, which, as you know, was more often than not, you were going to hear it.
Davis was both blessed and cursed with the ‘gift of gab.’ On countless occasions I witnessed this ‘gift’ get him into trouble. However, more oftenthan not, much to my dimay, I’d see him use this same ‘gift’ to get himself out of the trouble he just got himself into. Davis was a verbal savant. He could run verbal circles around even the most linguistically talented without breaking a sweat. Even though he didn’t often feel compelled to prove this to his professors, he was very book smart. If you’ve ever spoken with him for more than a few minutes about anything then you know this. His way with words and sense of timing and humor amounted to a charismatic persona that Davis emitted during daily dialogue, which, if you’re like me, not only impressed you, it intimidated you. I often felt frustrated for not having neurons that fired as rapidly as his.
Davis was probably the funniest person I’ve ever spent time around. His humor was unique in that although it was signature to him, it was also contagious. Some people have a laugh that makes you want to laugh. Davis said funny things, said things in a funny way, or sometimes said nothing at all and just made a funny noise that made you want to say funny things, say things in a funny way, or simply make a funny noise to make the both of you laugh. His humor was not only spot on and down right hilarious, it was inviting and it made you want to take part in it. Davis was so funny, that if you spent enough time around him it was inevitable that you would become a funnier person just for having been exposed to his comical demeanor.
The majority of Davis’ jokes weren’t the type that lead up to a climax at a final punch line. Instead they were far more original and spontaneous. Usually he sould simply repeat what you just said in a ridiculous voice or show you his imitation of you in a way that usually wasn’t as offensive as it was just weird and laughable. Before you knew it, the two of you would just be sitting there taking turns being the one who laughs and being the one to take the already ridiculous sentence that he made fun of one step further by saying it in an even more exaggerated way than the last. This would go on until what you were saying back and forth wouldn’t even be a sentence any more. and would instead be something that could only be described as a series of throaty, indecipherable noises. Many of these weird word/noise exhange sessions resulted in some of the all-time greatest inside jokes ever: “never AGAIN!… Quiet stepdad,” “merrrrr,” “miggle-moo,” “a pond upon a pond,” and of course, the crowd favorite, “igga-da-dibba-da-baewl-haewl the dew-baewl, what are you dew-baewling? Aewl fa-shaewl!” … Just to name a few.
Now someone with nothing more than the traits I’ve already mentioned alone would amount to a pretty memorable and outstanding person. But what truly made Davis as extraordinary a human being as he was is that all these parts of him complemented by a much deeper, truer side. There was a part of Davis that I had the opportunity to tap into on countless occasions where I heard him say things of such profound insight that I still come back to them on a daily basis. He could be performing some ridiculous act for you one minute and if the situation called for it the could be discussing the meaning of life with you the very next.
Davis was and is a very old soul. He was always wise beyond his years. There was a part of him that just always seemed to know the right questions to ask. Whether he was asking someone else, himself, or some greater power that he sensed, he was always seeking out the meaningful and truthful answers.
Perhaps what I found to be the most inspiring thing about this depth that he possessed was the lack of fear in his eyes. He was never afraid to find out the truth. He was never scared to seek out the answers. And like his sense of humor, this fearless truth-seeking part of Davis was also contagious. And as a result of having spent time with him, I am not only a slightly funnier person, I’m also a stronger and more curious person who seeks the answers to my own questions with far more courage than I ever would have had I not known Davis.
This aspect of Davis was without a doubt in my mind the loudest part of him. I am most gratful for how loud this part of him was… because as a result, this wonderful part of him will continue to reverberate through me and my actions for the rest of my days.
I love you loudly Davis. I love you loudly.
*******
I regret I was unable to share this with everyone at the memorial, but in my heart I know part of Davis knew this is how I felt about him. And in the end, that’s what is most important to me. I am however, grateful that I had the opportunity to share these feelings with you.
I know that you both feel lucky to have had Davis in your lives as long as you did, but the reality is that he too was just as lucky to have had the time that he did with the two of you. Although I speak of Davis in past tense, in my heart-of-hearts I know that he is no more dead than the memories I have of him. And I know that both of you are just as and even more aware of his presence than am I.
I love you both very much and look forward to staying in touch regularly.
As my heart goes out to you, so do my thoughts and prayers. Your memorial service for Davis touched me on many levels. I can’t recall that I have ever witnessed such a loving and beautiful gathering.
I was both inspired and guided by the event as well as both of your abilities and presence of mind to elevate everyone’s level of love for those special moments.
The ‘Angel Whisper’ scheduled for the first day of autumn (sept 23rd) is dedicated to Davis and inspired by both of you.
Angelic hugs and butterfly kisses,
Russell Forsyth
———————————————————————————————
Angel Whispers September 2007
From Russell
To be ‘free’ is to be free from the illusion that separates us from All That Is.
Welcome to the Angel Whispers. I’m inspired by my work in the healing arts to learn more about our world in which we live. If you feel inspired, send your word for a whisper. Please forward this e-mail to your friends and family. It’s free!
This weeks Angel Whisper is dedicated to Justin Davis Armistead
Grief
The process of letting go is my definition of the word. I feel like somewhat of an expert on this subject, due in part to the book I have written, called Mariposa. Inside the heart of this writing was my own deep, new perspective on the word and its meaning.
The story about the Graham family and the way they dealt with their grief was something that became a part of me. Call it compassion, sympathy or even pity, it can be hard to detach ourselves from certain events, especially a friend’s loss of their child.
Last night, I attended a memorial service here in Austin, and I am still processing from that event. I guess that’s part of my guidance to write the whisper of guilt. Hey, wait a minute you see my typo? I was talking about grief and in popped guilt. Guilt and grief are so often partners in the range of emotions that surround a loss.
But what I witnessed during last night’s display of closure was a spiritual teaching from the parents who were laying their beloved son to rest. The two of them led us through a soulful journey into the life of this young man. And they did it in a way that created space for all of us to open to the love that surrounded his beautiful life experience, and beyond.
Instead of the typical sadness and ceremony that often accompany a tragic event like this, there was a feeling that this spirit was now being set free to dance around the room. And I think he did just that. As a medium, I was getting my own strong messages regarding his dance of the soul last night. What surprised me was the number of people who came up to me with their own messages from this young man. Everything from “he is thrilled” to “this is the way he wants it” was said to me by perfect strangers.
Grief: Deep sadness as that caused by bereavement: sorrow. In some ways this word was redefined for me last night. I’m not saying there wasn’t or won’t be sadness, but the sadness last night was somehow coated with love and a celebration of life as unique and special as this young man. Bittersweet!
Angels, a whisper please:
Everything that you ever wanted to say to someone can still be said. The unspoken can become a part of the guilt that holds the grief. So for you to truly honor those that you love, you must turn pain into joy, sorrow into acceptance, guilt into forgiveness and life itself into love without end.
There is a reason that you possess the sixth sense. This is so that everyone can communicate without the spoken word. Sometimes this is the purest form, because it emanates from your feelings and therefore the heart.
The mystery surrounding the journey of the soul is part of the dreams and inspirations of men and women, while the essence of the meaning is without doubt. You truly know another soul when you carry them in your heart. Simply allow them to reside there.
To heal grief, first remove all judgments of self and others. Remove all guilt from the past and present. Then, invite the soul that has crossed into your heart for an exchange of communication. Ask for the answers to all your questions. The message you receive is the true nature of your love and loss delivered from Source. You will then know how you can support this soul and yours as you journey together forever.’ ”
Bring joy, ease suffering and create beauty, then dance like you mean it!
Blessings,
Russell Forsyth russell@RussellForsyth.com
1107 Mariposa Dr | Austin | TX | 78704
I love you so much. I want you to know that I have shared, again and again, how i was touched by the magnificence of the three of you. You have modeled for me – love. The four letters that has meaning that is only that which isn’t explained, but what is. The room, filled with so many human beings, in our own worlds, were held by you both and I could feel Davis’ spirit shining on us all, with his so beautiful Armistead smile — which is literally from one ear to another.”
I want to tell you also how much you are guiding me to be my Higher Self. When Nathalie and I came to your home, you met us with open hearts and open minds. It causes me to weep in this very moment, in my very little tree house (office). Your lives have literally given me a path to more wholeness.
I can recall coming to the little wood house, Wolf Sittler’s home, and Davis and Dave were on the couch and there was something like Laurel and Hardy on, not sure, but it seems like an old movie. Dave, you and Davis, looked so light with each other and so like ones that were chosed for each other. I am remembering all the times you have all shared about your special movie times together and how you so loved to be family time with each other.
You are such awesome parents that allowed Davis to participate in the world that many children never are able to. You stretched yourselves, financially and emotionally, to allow him to reach his dreams and his ways that he would leave his mark on the world, and so he has.
The eyes are the window to the soul and I believe this more than ever now. As I looked into you both, as you stood so gracefully and present, before us all and held us up as you do, I felt like I was at the feet of GUS (Virginia’s God, Universe and Spirit). Thank you for who you are and for opening you to us.
love love love,
smooch, smooch, smooch
love,
carol
It just occurred to me to share this. Suzanne & David, I think, hope, you would like to know.
I am not a very mystically inclined person, my loss. Those experiences I can count on one hand. So this experience is rare, to say the least, for me.
Justus, & I, had experienced some minor things shortly after Justin had passed away that, I would say, were coincidental. One was when we two were driving a short distance to our neighborhood restaurant for breakfast. An ad on the back of the bus in front of us referred to something about having lost a loved one. We both looked at each other. Justus said at that time that he’d been seeing things like that lately.
This happened the day after the service for Justin, when Justus was coming home on the train, a 29 hour ride, that I saw it.
I was driving back to the office, west, on my lunch hour. I thought to myself, I wonder if I would see another sign. Just as I broadened my gaze, not knowing where to look, it hit me. I couldn’t have missed it. The whole horizon had this “train” of clouds across it, in an otherwise cloudless sky! Same-sized clouds, not connected, in a row, end-to-end. There were no clouds beyond either, just a single row of clouds from one side of the horizon slightly curving around to the other side. It was a few miles long.
I knew it was Justin spiritually sending Justus back to me and his way of comforting me, saying goodbye in the peaceful and loving manner he always had about him. I also felt that I would see no more “signs”. The sky was clear when I left the office later at 5:00.
I just heard about Davis’ passing away all the way here in Europe. My deepest condolences and heart goes out to you. We met in Shanghai along with his buddies while I was studying with Thunderbird MBA after my JD. It was a moving, delightful night … a harvet moon before Davis was going to sing an improvisational rap song in front of hundreds of people. As an expat, he welcomed me into his circle. Since that moment, in China and during our numerous conversations in the US, I can assure you, Davis even though younger than me, acted like an ambassador…one his parents would be proud of. Davis really impressed me with his sparkle of life & congeniality. He understood things were changing in an electrified China before others. He had the vision and courage to pursue his heart in: language, spirituality, and music career. He had a pure heart. I looked at Davis as a young man onto a road less traveled, ready to embark onto great things. He had that special goodness and unique sparkle. Yes, Davis was truly an exceptional person and always spoke highly about you as parents. I feel very fortunate to have known him. I will celebrate his Life and moon light sparkle!
I known Davis online, but he always sparkled with so much personality and life. Its hard to know that that glimmer has faded, but I’m glad that a bit of the glitter has rubbed off on me. He had inspired me to do things that I wouldn’t dare to otherwise. Davis had a lot to give to the world, and I hope that this would go on through those who had known Davis. My condolences and sympathy to the family. My heart goes out to you as well. No matter how many times have we faced Death, it will never be the same. My prayers would be my only gift I could give to your family.
I’ve known Davis since we were best friends in kindergarten. I have such gratitude to have had such a person as Davis whose accomplishments as a friend are so very numerous. A few examples of who he was to me must suffice for now.
Davis’s strength in character was always shining through his compassion, wisdom, curiosity, hunger for knowledge, relentless humor, and abundant love, and empathy. Who couldn’t love a kid like Davis? He provided a way for people to be inspired toward an appreciation of the true values in life – what really mattered.
I remember always feeling like a kid when I was with him or talking on the phone for literally hours, taking in all that I could as I know what he had to give was true, full of wisdom, and exciting. He would love to talk and I would love to listen, learn, and ask questions. When did my friend become a mentor? He could help and be so willing to guide in any facet of life.
I think we all would have wanted a little bit of that spirit to be within us and now it is obvious. He is definitely part of me and all of the goals of ours we expressed to one another, I believe, can still happen because he lives inside and will continue to inspire me whenever I am and wherever we imagined being together. Thank you for all you have contributed to our lives.
A week ago, out of the blue, these notices of “chats” came up on my computer. Not being a “chat” person, I didn’t know what it was about at first. Then I realized that Davis had friends that he chatted with who were not aware of his passing, and they were showing up on my computer.
Something that was wonderfully moving for me was to write to these people and introduce myself and let them know of Davis’ passing. David joined me and soon we were “chatting” with people all over the world. It was extremely wonderful.
One especially beautiful experience I had was with a young woman from Malaysia named Nadine. Nadine wrote a poem for Davis and sent it to me. I treasure it and am putting it in the memories for I want to have it close to me, available. She told me that she writes poetry as a way of healing herself, emotionally. Here is what Nadine wrote to Davis.
“I shall watch the sunrise,
Every morning,
As I do when the moon
Blossoms and wanes every month.
The leaves shall always
Be green for you my dear
And the flowers
Ever so vivid.
May my message
Be delivered across
The skies
With the soaring birds.
Your humor and wit,
Shall be your charm,
Your adventures,
A personal legacy
Enlightening us with
Knowledge and wisdom,
Teach us
The pleasures and treasures
That you have found
In Life,
So that
We may keep it alive
And you,
Through it.
‘You make me want to strain
Until I can see the shore’.
That single phrase from a song… Is
What you have made me feel…
It’s how you had inspired me…”
Nadine
Thank you, Nadine, thank you for sharing your heart and soul with us. There is nothing more profound than yours and others beautiful giving of yourselves with us at this time. Your poem gives me such comfort and love, both of my beloved Davis, and you. I hope to meet you face to face some day. Until then, thank you for being in my life this way.
Thank you so much for sharing the poem with those who cared about him. I hope we get to meet in person.. I want to know how he was.. When he was with you.. I want to know about the Davis you loved.. How he was as your son.. I want to keep as much of him with me as possible..It might be selfish..I don’t know.. If it is I’m sorry
Let me comment briefly on Davis’ unique and hilarious brand of humor by citing an example that has occured since he died.
A friend has called and relayed to me that not long after Davis died she cleared his name and phone from her computer and mobile phone, only to find soon thereafter it was inexplicably back on both her systems. So, she cleared that data off both instruments again. And this morning she discovered – Davis’ information is – inexplicably – back on there again!
This is exactly the kind of fun trickery he loved and would find totally entertaining.
God bless you Davis and every one of your kind hearted jokes, of which I experienced many.
Here is a memory of Davis during his teaching career in China, which I shared with Suzanne today:
It is an email Davis sent Suzanne from China…
—–Original Message—–
From: LucidThawts@aol.com [mailto:LucidThawts@aol.com]
Sent: Friday, March 05, 2004 7:03 AM
To: sarmistead@spire.com
Subject: Re: FW: Seven Wonders of the World
Hey Muthier!
Yes…! I am actually recieving your letters with all of the little “bundles of Joy” I can feel you’ve attached to them. THANK YOU Skwoodle Boodle!!!! You are the best muthier EVER!
I had a dream about you the other day. I can’t remember a lot of what happened, but I know that the gist of the dream was that I was back at Westlake High School and I kept needing one thing after another for class and stuff. And of course the only person who could help me and consistently pull me through my wierd and tough situations was “YOU” my little sweet MUTHIER! And at one point I told you how much I appreciated it and how you were the only person that could possibly do so much for me! I love you skwoot Boot! And I hope the next time I talk to the Mr. Dude we can chat a little too, so I can tell you about my classes. Also, I’m trying to take pictures of my students in my classes so you can see who, what , and where I’m teaching!
I think about Davis all the time. I had a dream the night I talked to Suzanne last in Novemeber….
I walked in to a joyous party and there Davis was dressed in a white tuxedo with white shirt, shoes, everything white. He was smiling, I saw him and we just connected, didn’t say a word. Then I turned around and saw Andy Morgan. I walked up to Andy, totally amazed and bewildered, and in broken speech tried to indicate that it was quite amazing to see him and Davis, you know, given that they are dead, or I thought they were. I never really was able to squeeze out a sentence and consequently I was just standing there with my mouth open– only indecipherable garble coming out of my mouth. Andy looked at me with a funny look and was like, “What, dude?” And then turned back to his friends, continuing his life as usual. after this I kind of settled into the reality of their continued existence and just sat on a couch or something and out of the corner of my eye people were gathered around Davis whose arms were flailing about as he mesmerized them with his story. It was like a normal day. It was like everything perfectly normal, like no one thought they were dead. It was so delightful.
I smiled from heart so deeply when I awoke. I think about him all the time.
I love you, Davis.
I loved this Mark… You were always such an amazing writer, and more importantly, friend. I love and miss Davis too, I still think about him all the time too, I miss catching his flagrant-story-telling-hand-gestures out of the corner of my eye too. I love you Mark, good man.
-Jacob K. Cunningham
I added candles to yours on my altar this last week for my friends Jo Rae and Theresa who lost their mom this time last year. I am meeting them in Taos to do ceremony as they spread her ashes along the Rio Grande.
I told them about you and Davis and they were “there” with you even though they don’t know you.
Suzanne, I was reminded of you at Davis’ memorial when I saw a photo Theresa took of herself dancing before the altar she made for her mom.
See you,
xoox,
mags
(added by David Armistead from an email from Maggie Duval)
I have had moments of the deepest love and delight and joy that have taken me into new realizations about my eternal connection with Davis. The love that these moments reflect carries me into an ever strengthening awareness of eternal love and eternal life.
The day he died, I said a prayer from the depths of my soul. The prayer was “Show me how to do this, My Holy One. Does my beloved Davis need my help? What can I do for him? You know, God, that when daddy and Sambo died, I was in shock and thought each time, at age 18 and 25, that they were gone forever. I suffered for 25 years living in that untruth. The pain of that incredible suffering separated me from you, as well as from them, in my own consciousness. I want to stay present to you and Davis with this change, and love like I have never loved before with each of your help. Please, Oh Holy One, show me how to live in complete awareness of my most loving connection to you and Davis. Show me how to honor you and Davis and my life through embracing the truth about death— .”
Since I prayed, my life has shown me the kindest, most loving and magnificent guidance on a new journey in response to my request. I feel closer to Davis than ever before. We are one. The love that comes to me and from me has grown exponentially, to such dimensions that I stretch moment by moment in order to let such grace fill me and change me. I want to share as much of what I am given, as best I can.
Being in these depths I am living in, today, Davis’ presence has brought many surprises as well as jaw dropping moments, a few of which I will share.
One such surprise happened a few days ago when I was returning from LA with David on an airplane. I felt tired, uncomfortable and afraid. The chatter in my head was hard to be with, and I was trying diligently to surrender to find peace. I tried meditating, breathing, writing, and all to no avail. The need to go to the restroom got me up out of my seat to walk to the restroom.
As I walked to the back of the plane, I passed a woman who had a baby boy sitting on her lap. He caught my eye as I passed and grinned at me. His eyes were blue and the size of dimes. As I returned back down the aisle, he grinned at me, again. The thought I had when I passed him was, “make my day you beautiful little spirit.” His smile was so big, innocent and full of love that it immediately shifted my whole reality. I decided to go back to the mommy and let her know how wonderful her little boy was, and how he had made my day.
When I approached her, his big incredible grin was now accompanied with his outstretched arms, reaching up to me. He wanted me to hold him. I told her what I had come to say, and sat down across from her in the aisle seat. She was very open and loving, herself, and when I sat down she lifted him over to me to hold.
I held him and we looked into one another’s eyes. He was so full of wonder and love. My God, he was so full of love. He was grinning at me. He spotted my necklace that Diane and Suzy gave me that symbolizes my love for Davis. E.E. Cummings poem has a poem that I repeat many time daily to Davis called “I CARRY YOUR HEART IN MY HEART”. I wear the necklace all the time. The little boy stared at my necklace. He took it in one of his little hands. He was gentle and didn’t pull, just looked at it with total focus.
I felt nudged to ask her his age. She said he was 11 months old. I then asked when his birthday was, feeling that the words were speaking me rather than me speaking them. Before she answered, I heard the words, “March 12th”. She said, “March 12th”. March 12th is Davis’ birthday.
I felt like I was in a dream, completely in another world, with no past or future, only the moment. It was a moment of knowing that love was with me in the profoundest of ways, that it always had been and always would be. Nothing else existed in that moment. I knew Davis was speaking to me through this beautiful little boy. I heard him with all of me, loving me.
I have many such things happen often to me since I have asked to be aware of my connection to Davis in my heart and God. That same day after we had gotten home, I went to the pet store to get chews for our little puppy named “Flower”. I went over to the ferret cage to look at the ferrets. We had ferrets when Davis was growing up and three of them were with us for 8 years.
Each of us had picked a ferret at different times to bring home. We were all crazy in love with these amazing spirits. They taught us to laugh and play again after some very dark times. I had checked out the ferret cage at this store other times when I went to buy chews. But today, it was different, there were only three in the cage, sleeping. The three who were sleeping were like our ferrets who lived with us. They looked just like Billy, Morgana, and Gandalf. They were the same size and color as our ferrets.
These are two of the amazing experiences that have come to me to let me know that I am connected. I want to be awake to the love I am given in that connection for the rest of my life. I want to live the truth of death that I may live the truth of life. The truth of life and death is Love, and that is my truth and your truth and the truth of all that is. I want to live in that truth from now on, realizing that any seeming interruption or disconnection from this truth is my opportunity to learn how to live further in it.
Thank you, Davis, for joining me in healing myself and also in my commitment to living in love. The truth is that I don’t have to live without you because I love you.
Today is your birthday. You were born 26 years ago at 11:18pm. I was so excited for you to come. I was ecstatic! You arrived three weeks earlier than the date the doctor figured you were due. I walked for hours to get the contractions started after my water broke. All I kept thinking that afternoon anticipating your arrival was that my life would never be the same, David’s and my life would never be the same.
I was so mesmerized at the thought that we’d be a family of three instead of the two that David and I were. The coming early thing, you always did that. You cleared the way for us, and others as you grew. Your leaving, now has cleared the way into as big a transformation for me in my life as I could have ever known or imagined. Do you know what you have done for me in clearing the way? You have cleared the way of death for me.
I am no longer afraid of of it. I am actually open to it and in wonder about it. My connection with you has prepared me far beyond what I ever knew was possible in knowing death in my heart, and helping me realize the love and friend that it is. That is the biggest transformation for me, as well as witnessing myself having tremendous strength, courage, and love for my life. What incredible depth of life I have come to know through your presence with me, now.
Last night at Hildegirls, Sus asked me to sit in the circle and share more about you with the group. I was joined by Sue, Helena’s mommy. Sue shared about Helena so beautifully bringing her present in such splendor. I shared about you and how I feel closer to you than ever before. It was divine. Again, we all laughed and cried as I shared. We had a wonderful piece of eternity last night with your and Helena’s presence.
Justus called this morning and we talked and cried and laughed in our immense love for you. He remembered it was your birthday. People from all over called me and emailed me all day long loving you and me and your dad, and acknowledging our love for one another and what a gift they have received from knowing us. I was in and out of tears all day.
Dianie took me took lunch and I had a beautiful heart to heart with Maggie about you and how you keep on leading us in showing us how to read the signs to love’s presence in our lives through you. Your dad and I ate sushi for dinner with Steve and Verena in honor of you and saw a movie. It has been a fantastic day of celebrating you in my life with those I love. I love you, Davis, I love you.
Your little frog muthiur
PS one last thing I want to say is that your death has been the grounds of transformation for more people than I can count. We have received countless testimonials in phone calls, emails, face to face of how the memorial service changed their lives and others have shared with us that as they live with us in the aftermath of your leaving, they are seeing what change you continue to bring to their lives in so many, many ways. I know you continue to do this for me. I am grateful, Davis, my little frog son. I love you to infinity.
PPS I was given a frog today by Marsha. Everyone loves the frog stories I tell them about us and how we played teasing one another about looking like frogs. The frog Marsha brought is so happy. It is you, it is you.
Hey Davis…well, it was your birthday. We always used to argue about the fact that I was 6 months older….you made it to the next stage first, so I guess you will always have that before me. I often think of you and Landry…I wrote something in yall’s memory….with love, Suzy Q
She Breathes.
By:
Suzy Dillard
She closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath, felt the air stream into her lungs, inflating them both like two full balloons, one at a time.
She let the air out ever so slowly and with the air she tried to free the tension, the uneasiness, the trepidation, the fear.
All sitting heavily upon her chest and heart this night.
She concentrated on her breath, in and then slowly out, listening for the sound her pursed lips made as they bade farewell to each and every breath. The silence of sadness was far more deafening than the ambient noises around the room tonight.
Back to her breathing.
She can hear the hum of the air conditioning, the flicker of the light, and feel the cool air as it escapes out of the vents, trying to cool the room, hot from her flood of emotions showered upon the stagnant air.
Tonight was tough, however, no more difficult than any other grief stricken night.
Grief. She sits and ponders it purpose. It fills her every inch, her core, her being, her stomach, her throat, her eyes. It even fills her hair.
She sits and wonders when the heaviness will lighten and when the hurt will go away.
They say time heals all wounds.
It’s been months since they passed away, those sentiments echoed around inside her head, for she has heard them from many before and seen the expressions of confusion on the faces of other people around her, when she still mourns.
It has been months, they say, why do you still feel this way?
Another deep breath she draws in and with it the cool air. It is the air of a new beginning, a new outlook, a new emotion, she hopes for
Anything other than grief.
With every new breath she breathes in the hope, the hope that she will one day feel free of sadness and left with gladness that they were a part of her life at all.
Hope. What a funny word in a time of grief. Do hope and grief go together? Do happiness and sadness sit on opposite sides of a forbidden kingdom? Sitting and staring at one another as terminal enemies. Or is sadness a part of happiness? And a price we pay for the ability to feel such joy?
To have known love and lost it…..such a sad truth to our lives here on earth.
To have felt in your inner core, in the depths of your soul that you are a part of the beautiful miracle of life is joyous and happy, but what about when a life that was created is extinguished? What about when a light that has burned so bright in so many people’s lives is blown out too early? What about when that light was someone’s everything, someone’s miracle?
What then do you do when your miracle’s light is extinguished?
Back to the breathing.
She drew a deep cleansing breath bottomless into her soul, in through her mouth and it traveled down through her lungs, filled her every inch and every being….
With the breath she hoped for happiness, resolution, anything other than the sadness and despair that was choking the life from her tired soul and feeble body.
She closed her eyes, and began to drift into a world of dreams where they were still here. And the sadness that now sits as a watch guard to a forbidden kingdom of her heart slowly picks up his things and
step
by
step
walks away…
Freeing her heart and her soul once again.
Grief.
It is a strange emotion, void of devotion to better feelings of happiness, serenity and glee.
But it is an integral part of life. Without grief we would have no happiness. Without sorrow, we would have no glee. Without loss we would have no gifts. Without death, there would be no life. Without tomorrow, there would be no today.
So she sits, with her grief.
Her grief sits with her.
They have become all too well acquainted in this lifetime for her comfort, yet she seeks solace in her grief. She feels alive with her sadness and lost without her sorrow. To abandon her grief… would that mean she has lost the connection with her loss? Day by day her grief shows up throughout her life in different and unexpected ways. Watching a baby smile at his mother might send waves of immense sadness throughout her tired body one day and send a sense of complete joy for the beauty of that child, the next.
Seeing a picture might awaken sadness so deep, deep within her now shallow soul of emotion, shallow from the inundation of tears and lack of room for anything else. Another day that same picture might fill her heart to the brim with delight and joy for the beauty it reminds her of.
Grief.
Sadness.
Hope.
Happiness.
She breathes all four emotions into her every pore. She feels each one differently and unequally.
But she still breathes.
She hopes for a day when she can say goodbye to the
Heart wrenching,
Heart breaking,
Heart stopping enormity of
Grief and sadness
And
Hello to the hope of happiness….
Since you passed away your website has been visited 9, 103 times. We come to this site…click on your pictures and read the memories. We love you Davis….over 9,000 times, wow, I hope you know how much you are and were loved….
My Dearest Davis,
At last today, although we have had many conversations these weeks since you left your body behind, I feel I can write. I think of you so often (as always). I savor and treasure our heart connection that needed so little outward display to feel its depth and breadth. How dear and precious your being is and has been in my life since that night you were born.
There are some days that I do miss knowing that I can pick up the phone and hear your voice or plan a time to see you. Every time I think of your smiling face and hear the sound of that voice, reminisce over the profound places our conversations would roam into on the occasions we talked, the ways I kept vigil from afar, hear your laughter, contemplate all the ways small and large that you have touched me leaves me forever richer, wiser and full of joy.
I regret the pain you had to live with in your little body & so wish it could have been otherwise. Yet it is the path you chose somehow – I thank you for the sacrifices you made being here for all of us – all who you love so much. My precious and sweet Davis, I love you with all my heart & feel the comfort of your spirit like a gentle loving softness around me. I am happy you are free at last to expand once more into the hugeness of who you really are. Thank you for being you – all of you – and all the ways you have contributed to my growth. Peace be yours.
Dearest Suzanne and David,
The years since we saw one another have flown away and you are before me now in the shattering force of your love.
You have remained in my heart, unforgettable in the gifts of self and spirit we enjoyed in your friendship.
Whenever we spent time with you and Davis / Justin (as we knew him then), the way that you lived LOVE, GIVING and ACCEPTANCE was luminous and palpable. That is what has always stayed with me. I think of many examples, perhaps David’s generous leadership in the Cub Scouts about the ‘belief’ issue will stand in for all the rest of them. The way you were together was like sitting at a fire. We could bask in it, and share the joy and the sparks, and feel the warmth. It was easy, it was fun, it was deep, it was precious — it was real.
I have thought of you often since then, always with a smile and deep affection. If we’d run into each other again, it would have been with that easy way of old friends, re-kindling what never went away. I always hoped that we would. I still do…
When I learned of your great loss it was almost unbearable to imagine. My heart broke for you. Looking through your site brought many memories and more tears. Most of all, admiration and amazement at the beautiful human being Davis grew to be. Hardly a surprise, knowing you all in formative years, but still an individual miracle. Through this virtual book created in his honour, you bore witness to his awakening to his deepest, truest and most lovely self. I gazed at the wonderful pictures as he grew beyond the years we had known you. Still the same dear faces… his transforming as he claimed all that he was and is. In my heart flowered a pleasure and a sense of satisfaction, in that, even alongside the anguish of learning it only in his passing.
First I wanted just to reach out to you and tell you how much you are still thought of, and share with you my sense of grief and loss. To hold you from a distance. To add one more voice to the community of love that surrounds you.
But now I am on my knees before you. In seeing what you have made of this unimaginable gift, my heart is full of so much more that I can hardly find the words. Oh my dears. Oh, my friends — now become my teachers….! To accept your son’s physical passing from this world with the same “YES” which you brought to his life is just stunning…. the most piercing example possible of how to BE, how to live, how to LOVE with all one’s soul. You touch me to my core. I read your words, and know that what I am witnessing is holy — here is the Burning Bush. I see it blazing — through the cracks of our hearts filled to breaking. How can you GIVE courage and awe, out of an experience like this? Yet you do — and out of these gifts and lessons, out of Davis / Justin’s life, out of your truth and your journey and your sharing — out of your spiritual work in love’s most absolute crucible — we are all gifted with grace.
I see here so many lives, changed forever. To all, namaste.
Yet this gift remains the hardest of all. Too great to carry, at times. Sometimes still there must surely be unimaginable hurt? How can there not be? We are human, our sorrows and joys twist together inextricably. My dearest fellow-parents, David and Suzanne — please know that I see and hold you both in your humanity, as well as in your blazing witness. I would walk with you, on your journey. In the middle of the night I think of you, as well as in the daylight.
My heart cries: please dear God do not give me such a lesson. Please dear God give me one-hundredth of the grace I behold here. Give us all that much. Let each of us see what we truly are, as these pages bear witness: let us know so much of love. What light there would be in the world, if we all could. It would be brighter than the sun.
Words aren’t enough, but they have to do. I hope you feel the love that comes with them.
With tears, humility, hugs, gratitude, sorrow, joy, and most of all and again and always LOVE,
from all our family (Howard, Jeremy, Laura) to you and yours,
Alison
What a gift to hear from you. Each word from your and others’ souls lifted in heart and prayer to David and I is in itself a rebirth for us. It really does give us that instant of healing that being one with all is. Thank you for your incredible expression of love to us and for us–all three of us.
Hearing from our Chicago friends, Justus, Nathan, and Simone was a most exquisite moment of gathering, one which we wanted at Davis’ transition. And, now, your powerful and beautiful words of love bring to us a renewed connection with you, and remembering of our lives in Chicago at the Waldorf school and its blessings that are still with us, just not seen with our body’s eyes. It gives our hearts that momentary relief to know you are with us as we are able to live with the full embodied acceptance that he is still with us, we just can’t see him with our body’s eyes anymore.
We feel and know his presence with us continually. There is a closeness he calls to us with that brings this new life into balance. The shift in identity, as well as the stripping us of all that we knew, previously, is what we are learning to live in—-yes, with grace, pure unabashed GRACE. And, here you are, speaking and living right into that with us, all of you.
We send you all our love and gratitude for going with us where many who love us dearly cannot go. Our hearts are filled with the grace you give us and we are healed once again.
In reception of the tears, humility, hugs, gratitude, sorrow, joy, and most of all and again and always LOVE,
Allison – I hope you see this note I’m entering to Davis’ memorial site.
First – I want to be understood. Nothing I’m about to say here should be taken as any kind of idea that Davis had to die for me to receive or enjoy any gifts of the Spirit, or that his death is now welcome or a happy thing for me, or is suddenly easy. If I could choose I would my son alive with me again this instant. The experience of his death has been utterly shattering and starkly empty. But as true as that is, and it is, that is not the whole of the truth nor even the largest part, because it is also true that death is nothing like anything I was raised or trained to expect, and every idea I had about it is being stripped away in the experience of standing present within it.
To all who visit here, I am grateful for Allison’s deep, loving and kind words of encouragement given above. They flow, I know, from her whole amazing family of light – Howard, Laura, Jeremy too. And there are many others. I am grateful for the continuing flow of kindness and affirmation – love – from all our wonderful family and friends throughout the world who reach out to us here, from Chicago land, from Tribal territories, from California and New Mexico, from Turkey and Malaysia, from Lubbock and Midland, it goes on…..
Mirroring this flow of uplifting love from outside, I want to share that I continue to receive deep connection internally with Davis, who reminds me frequently to let go of my notions of time and history and form with which I’ve previously packaged my experience of him, because these inner structures and preconceptions constrain the scale and scope of our contact.
He reminds me also to look to love, to choose love in every moment, over any other thought or idea or orientation, because that is where I will find him – and more. And when I do he is always there with me, ever more present.
Death is nothing like what I expected. Nothing is as I understood it. I have no understanding of it.
It is a great transforming. And in the endless silence and emptiness I find opportunity to place every mistake of the past, every regret, every sorrow, every unloving choice – into the grief, and there, in the presence of that deep empty silence, all these are being transformed into a simple inner quiet and peace, into Love. Love is what is real.
Davis brought me a dream gift a few months ago. In it I came awake, dreaming in a formless place. Davis was with me as presence, and I was in a conversation with God. I asked God how could I withstand this loss without a bottom? I asked God how I could encompass and integrate this experience of endless pain? I asked God to show me the Grace, to enable me to stand present to that to which He has delivered me.
He responded. He granted me, instantly, a deep inner change within my heart and being, in my body, in my heart, and this change opened my heart in some endless sort of way, and gave me infinite space there to hold Spirit and Davis’ presence, and death – all at once in healing. And He told me He wanted me to change in this way, so that I may receive the blessing of life in death and death in life, as well as many other things of which I have no understanding. And in that change, which was wholly unexpected, I found acceptance and an inexpressible wholeness that includes everything.
Then God told me even that was not enough, that He wanted me to continue to change in that deep way always and forever, in every moment, always, because in that Way my soul could expand to accommodate the infinity that is Spirit, and the vastness of His Presence in the emptiness of my loss.
I saw then how much I have missed by resisting this kind of continual deep change, and how much of Davis I have missed before now because of resisting. And I repented and opened to this gift. But doing this always and forever seemed at the time utterly overwhelming.
Then I recalled something that had happened to me a few weeks before Davis’ death, and which went by so quickly it was almost completely unnoticed by me at the time.
A few weeks before Davis died, early one morning, I went walking in the beauty called Bull Creek with my mentor and teacher – Bob F. As we walked I told Bob I had never seen him act in a way that was anything less than open, honest, sincere, loving and kind. He said his teacher had told him that if he wanted to be saintly he had to act saintly, so he did. I said this kind of uplifted behavior was very hard for me to do all the time, and that I admired him deeply for being able to do it. He replied that it was not as hard I thought because I didn’t have to do it all the time, I only had to do it right now…..
Drawing on this, when I awoke from the dream of Changing, I saw God desires me to open to all of Life, including death, and that He wants me to choose every moment to turn to Love and not to get lost in anything less. And I saw that I only need to do that right now.
So I am finding this Way of choosing Love, new in each moment. And on this Way I am find healing, not so much as something done but more as just a discovering of what is real. It more a letting go than a getting. It is more a relaxing than a doing. Love is what is real, and resting in that right now, I am beginning to find connection, Grace, transformation, and instruction.
For these I am so grateful.
At the memorial service I shared a reading called The Mystery. That Mystery is what Davis seeks now to show me. That is the initiation here. And somehow standing present to That I am gradually finding the emptiness is filled with an inner spaciousness and peace, with enough room in the love to take in the loss and pain inside Infinity.
I am grateful to each of you for every kindness. As I said at the memorial – I have never felt so empty and so full at the same time. And you make it so much easier.
Allison – I hope you see this note I’m entering to Davis’ memorial site.
First – I want to be understood. Nothing I’m about to say here should be taken as any kind of idea that Davis had to die for me to receive or enjoy any gifts of the Spirit, or that his death is now welcome or a happy thing for me, or is suddenly easy. If I could choose I would my son alive with me again this instant. The experience of his death has been utterly shattering and starkly empty. But as true as that is, and it is, that is not the whole of the truth nor even the largest part, because it is also true that death is nothing like anything I was raised or trained to expect, and every idea I had about it is being stripped away in the experience of standing present within it.
To all who visit here, I am grateful for Allison’s deep, loving and kind words of encouragement given above. They flow, I know, from her whole amazing family of light – Howard, Laura, Jeremy too. And there are many others. I am grateful for the continuing flow of kindness and affirmation – love – from all our wonderful family and friends throughout the world who reach out to us here, from Chicago land, from Tribal territories, from California and New Mexico, from Turkey and Malaysia, from Lubbock and Midland, it goes on…..
Mirroring this flow of uplifting love from outside, I want to share that I continue to receive deep connection internally with Davis, who reminds me frequently to let go of my notions of time and history and form with which I’ve previously packaged my experience of him, because these inner structures and preconceptions constrain the scale and scope of our contact.
He reminds me also to look to love, to choose love in every moment, over any other thought or idea or orientation, because that is where I will find him – and more. And when I do he is always there with me, ever more present.
Death is nothing like what I expected. Nothing is as I understood it. I have no understanding of it.
It is a great transforming. And in the endless silence and emptiness I find opportunity to place every mistake of the past, every regret, every sorrow, every unloving choice – into the grief, and there, in the presence of that deep empty silence, all these are being transformed into a simple inner quiet and peace, into Love. Love is what is real.
Davis brought me a dream gift a few months ago. In it I came awake, dreaming in a formless place. Davis was with me as presence, and I was in a conversation with God. I asked God how could I withstand this loss without a bottom? I asked God how I could encompass and integrate this experience of endless pain? I asked God to show me the Grace, to enable me to stand present to that to which He has delivered me.
He responded. He granted me, instantly, a deep inner change within my heart and being, in my body, in my heart, and this change opened my heart in some endless sort of way, and gave me infinite space there to hold Spirit and Davis’ presence, and death – all at once in healing. And He told me He wanted me to change in this way, so that I may receive the blessing of life in death and death in life, as well as many other things of which I have no understanding. And in that change, which was wholly unexpected, I found acceptance and an inexpressible wholeness that includes everything.
Then God told me even that was not enough, that He wanted me to continue to change in that deep way always and forever, in every moment, always, because in that Way my soul could expand to accommodate the infinity that is Spirit, and the vastness of His Presence in the emptiness of my loss.
I saw then how much I have missed by resisting this kind of continual deep change, and how much of Davis I have missed before now because of resisting. And I repented and opened to this gift. But doing this always and forever seemed at the time utterly overwhelming.
Then I recalled something that had happened to me a few weeks before Davis’ death, and which went by so quickly it was almost completely unnoticed by me at the time.
A few weeks before Davis died, early one morning, I went walking in the beauty called Bull Creek with my mentor and teacher – Bob F. As we walked I told Bob I had never seen him act in a way that was anything less than open, honest, sincere, loving and kind. He said his teacher had told him that if he wanted to be saintly he had to act saintly, so he did. I said this kind of uplifted behavior was very hard for me to do all the time, and that I admired him deeply for being able to do it. He replied that it was not as hard I thought because I didn’t have to do it all the time, I only had to do it right now…..
Drawing on this, when I awoke from the dream of Changing, I saw God desires me to open to all of Life, including death, and that He wants me to choose every moment to turn to Love and not to get lost in anything less. And I saw that I only need to do that right now.
So I am finding this Way of choosing Love, new in each moment. And on this Way I am find healing, not so much as something done but more as just a discovering of what is real. It more a letting go than a getting. It is more a relaxing than a doing. Love is what is real, and resting in that right now, I am beginning to find connection, Grace, transformation, and instruction.
For these I am so grateful.
At the memorial service I shared a reading called The Mystery. That Mystery is what Davis seeks now to show me. That is the initiation here. And somehow standing present to That I am gradually finding the emptiness is filled with an inner spaciousness and peace, with enough room in the love to take in the loss and pain inside Infinity.
I am grateful to each of you for every kindness. As I said at the memorial – I have never felt so empty and so full at the same time. And you make it so much easier.
Dear Hearts,
Although you’ve designed this memorial for friends and family, you will see that you have them everywhere, some you’ve not met. I am one…for the time being.
I thank you for this message, and recall my own Zachary who died at 16. He would be 25 in June. Sometimes I see him riding his bike and wonder what he is doing where I see him. I suppose he is always here, just as your boy is for you.
The profound expression of your community is so full of gentle love and warmth, and I cannot possibly contribute at any deeper place than the heart that we all share as one.
Know that I am sharing mine with you, as you have obviously done with so many others. Through your generosity, courage, and love, light will pour in to places you will least expect it.
My remaining children have turned me on to so many precious things, and I never take for granted one child who will always be special…and each of us was once someone else’s little baby.
May you find the comfort of your gifts as they continue to enter your world..and ours.
With much love and respect,
Sherry
Beyond The Grey Sky
It is a gift I know
A moment of bliss that we hold
A firecracker flash of light then on
To the next plane soul remain
Come along if you dare
It’s gonna be that you’re scared
Lovely life I thank you
For the reason to see the pain through
Light a candle for the dead
The wick is burning returning what we have
It’s who we are
We’ll reach you if you’re beyond the furthest star
Don’t give up the fight to stay alive and even if
you have to
Find the reason of another’s pain if they lose you
If not for your self then those around who care
like I do
One day you’ll see the clear blue
Beyond the Gray Sky
Light a candle…
The wick…
It’s who we are…
One day you’ll see the clear blue
Beyond the Gray Sky
I can’t believe you didn’t call
What made you want to end it all
Wasn’t there something I should have tried
To help you see beyond the gray sky
Suzanne, I had the most amazing day with you and Davis today. As you know I have been involved with filming on a pilot show about Angel Readers and just before filming started yesterday, I read this blog for the first time and was overwhelmed as the cameras entered my house. Like the last posting from Sherry, it is hard to add to the beautiful expressions of love found in these pages.
This site speaks volumes about Davis and his parents. My addition at this time is in the form of music. Today when we met, I felt as if I was being pushed to communicate for Davis and he wanted music instead of words. Before I post the words to this song though, I want you to know that the teachings of today’s messages were profound and far-reaching. From ‘the memories may fade, but the feelings of those memories are eternal’ to seeing your future as ‘one that includes Davis’, as well as ‘my father helped me transition with his love and understanding in that moment’, had healing effects and emotional empowerments that I will carry for the rest of my days. It shows that Davis is a leader with a heart and someone we must follow even if that structure is a mystery.
The song that I recently wrote is titled ‘Her Beating Heart’ The idea and inspiration behind the music speaks to the one common link that we all share in the human experience….the mother’s heart. That link lives with you, David, and Davis forever and translates into the meaning of love and life itself. Thank you for being open to receiving as I have dedicated this song to Davis. As I write this I am realizing that it was conceived on or around his birthday.
Her Beating Heart
He lays his body down
in his mother’s arms
and listens for the sound
of her beating heart
Is there more to life
than this moment right now
Is there more to a life
than feeling the sound
of the mother’s heart
her beating heart
The child makes a noise
his expression of love
then fills with the joy
from the mother above
Is there more to life
than this moment right now
Is there more to a life
than feeling the sound
of the mother’s heart
her beating heart
He opens his heart
to feel divine
the outside world soon departs
the soul that shines
Is there more to life
than this moment right now
Is there more to a life
than feeling the sound
of the mother’s heart
her beating heart
the mother’s heart
blessings of joy with angels hugging,
your friend
Russell Forsyth
Thank you for your love for Zachary and how it has you reaching out to us. The poem is exquisite and requests of me that I read it over and over and over as each time I do, I find a new connection to my own soul’s response. There is much for me in it, thank you.
Art does this for us, enabling us to speak the unspoken. Poetry is such a gift. It says so much in speaking to the mystery that the God side of ourselves can only say, and may not be uttered, otherwise. Your poetry is a beautiful “beating heart” to your son. I am grateful for you reaching out to share your love with me and David.
May your life continue to express itself with Zachary’s presence, and the beautiful poetry you give to all of us and the world from your ever deepening love for and with him,
[The following is quoted from Carol Waid’s blog at the “Truth Be Told” site, where you can see much more about love, and read her full column detailing her important work with women in prison. – David Armistead] (see her full column at: http://www.truth-be-told.org/story.asp?i=24)
by Carol Waid, Founder and Director of Beyond Bars Program
“Love can build a bridge, between your heart and mine. Love can build a bridge. Don’t you think it’s time? Don’t you think it’s time?”
I attended a memorial service for 25-year old Justin “Davis” Armistead. Davis is the son of our co-founder and dear friend, Suzanne Armistead, and her husband Dave Armistead.
Under a brilliant sapphire sky, the Wildflower Center was baptized in magic and mystery; open hearts, Crocodile size tears and laughter, expressed that which cannot be explained. Davis’ life and death had built a bridge from one heart to another, calling us to cross over that which separates us: fear of being vulnerable. Suzanne and Dave stood in their grief and modeled the elegance of grace, inviting us to experience the mystery.
At the end of the service, I floated into one embrace after another, growing lighter and brighter. It was/is time for me to receive a new understanding of how death and birth hold hands.
“Justin Davis Armistead passed away on Septermber 5, 2007. Justin was a student in our school… a member of Kathy Matlin’s class in Grades 1-6 during the mid-1990s. …Those of us who knew him when he was here remember his deep love of his pet ferrets.”
Justin Davis Armistead
Current mood: crushed
Category: Friends
This is just a message to Davis. Rest in peace. You and I had spent most of our adult life together. You taught me so many things, not only about myself, but about the people and situations that are/were surrounding me everyday. You always looked at the bright side, never a negative moment. I will love you, and think about you for as long as I live and breathe. I matured with you. I grew with you. You were the reason I grew in many cases. There are so many things I never expected to do in my lifetime that just because I was in your presence I was able, and willing to do. I honestly don’t think I will ever have that kind of courage again. You were my best friend. My partner in experiences. There will never be words that could describe my love and appreciation for you. Till we meet again in another life.
I remember how he loved you, dearest friend/little/big brother. He loved the year and a half you spent in China, together and San Fran, too. He cried one day with happiness sharing with me how he loved to go to the market each day in Shang Hai to pick out the fish he would cook for y’all for dinner. He loved the cooking for y’all and the structure of doing what he loved, daily. Then, off to the clubs with you for the opportunity to deejay and “wrap” his improv music for the openhearted and hungry gathering of folks who listened and received it all with excitement. His plan was to return there, as you know, hoping you would join him, again, and bring others to join the two of you for the incredible world change happening there. He was always ahead of the game, wasn’t he?
There was much more that he loved about your friendship, not the least of which was your unconditional love and acceptance of the struggle he had come to know. He loved how you brought out in him and others the kindness, brightness, and acceptance you have such a way of doing. He was your mirror, Justus, and he knew that, and was so grateful to you for your allowing him to share what he naturally seemed to know. You were the brother that I couldn’t give him. It makes all of my efforts to have other children and not be able to—PERFECT. He had the brother he so very much wanted— in you, and your friendship, and he knew it and told me, often. We were happy about that, together.
Your story, telling me how you got the job at Whole Foods in Chicago, having watched how Davis got hired by Whole Foods in San Francisco, is a monument to the courage and maturity you live and breathe, daily, since Davis’ passing. It is also the utmost expression of your alive and present eternal connection with him, within you.
Precious, wonderful, Justus, I am so grateful for the love and gifts you gave to Davis. Your honesty and natural ability to let him give to you his gifts was paramount in his love for you. He knew how much you appreciated him, and it kept him going in untold ways. I love you, Justus, and look forward to watching you continue to grow and shower the world with your humility, kindness, and soft and unconditionally loving nature to all as you have to my son.
I am opening in my heart as completely as I can, that I may come to the moment when I may be able to speak my deepest gratitude for the depth of love and knowing that your song has given me. How could you have known that for the first year of Davis’ life I napped daily with him. He slept on his tummy on my heart? Pure ecstasy.
In order to do this,I am going to the creek, first. The wind will give me direction. The water will wash away the illusion of the moment. The trees will rock my soul with their magnificent swaying. The smell and sight of the flowers will immerse my spirit in the arms of Mother Earth, giving me a place in which to be held. I will rest in the belly of the surrounding rocks that hold my connection to my Mother’s heart. Your song guides me to cherish and fulfill my reception of your gift in this way, for now.
In a day or two, invitations will be going out via email for
Moving Love: A Mother’s Transformation of Grief from Darkness to Light.
This is an inspiration that came to me a couple of months after Davis’ passing. Finding myself in moments that were unsurpassed in emotional pain, and wavering in my ability to be present to them, my friend said something to me that opened my heart and shifted me to a new awareness.
I had told him that having a child was the transformation of my life. I had learned to love unconditionally, and that no matter what difficulty showed up in my life in his growing up, no matter how traumatic or severe, what I was aware of was how much I loved him. There were times that I didn’t like what was going on, and even if I felt helpless, stupid, incapable, selfish, anxious, angry and afraid, those emotional moments that can wipe out love’s presence, I was still aware that the love I had for him was strong, alive and in all of me.
Here are the notes I took from what my friend said. “Remember the love
and fulfillment I had when Davis was born—the love that a creator has for his art. Pray for that love and creativity to my Creator, saying, ‘help me to be like you.’ That’s what I am praying for, now, to have that again.”
This conversation and prayer came from an answer to a prayer that I prayed two months earlier on the day that Davis died. I asked God to help me live with Davis in my heart forever, consciously, and to know what that looked like. I wanted to know and love God as well, no separation. I hadn’t had that experience when my dad and brother died 30 years earlier, I had rejected and hated God and used it as proof that God didn’t love me.
When Davis passed, I was a mature woman having lived a life of seeking God, learning to stop the blame and suffering. I now was committed to living in and with God, in love, with Davis, forever. The way I have been learning to do this has come about in these last 11 and one half months of opening my heart and soul to the grieving process to be healed by God’s presence. I am accepting more each day that my life is here to be lived the most sincerely and preciously that I possibly can with my Creator. I want to honor, love and hold in the holiest way I can, my relationship with God. Davis’ life and death has brought me yet another step further in knowing and living this.
The production of Moving Love… is the love and creativity I prayed for in wanting to accept Davis’ death with love, and to learn what living with him in my heart forever meant. I am choosing to be healed in the face of his death, rather than die. Davis’ life and death can only really be lived, authentically by me in my art, the art that has saved my life over and over in countless challenges. It is self-expression through movement.
Art heals. As I write those words, I feel dizzy with the reality of what I am saying. Moving Love is the self-expression through movement of the unconditional love I have been given. Now, may I give it back.
If you are interested in attending Moving Love, please let me know.
Its been a tough year since Davis left us all. As I was sitting there, on the 5th of September 2008, I sent a prayer up to God, asking Him to take care of him for us. It might not be long before I shall join him as well. Suzanne, I wish with all my heart that I could attend Moving Love and share it with you and David. I requested for my church community to have a special prayer for him and I hope he received it, for he has given us love without looking for it to ever be returned. Suzanne, as I have expressed before, on the chat we had on MSN, I wish to be able to get to know him more, so please email me on blubabe_devilz@yahoo.com ( it will be very much appreciated)
Davis, you were amazing, you still are. You have made our lives a lot more better than what it is. I don’t know if that is true of everyone who has known you, I’m sure it is. But, you have made my life one heck of a good one. Remember, when we wanted to travel to Japan together? This time I shall go and bring you with me, in my heart. Or, maybe you are already there =)
With all my love to the Armisteads,who has shown me love in all its beautiful form.
Hello Mr. Popular Davis. Well, I just thought I would check in and see how many times your page has been visited….well…the verdict was 10, 000 times!! Ten Thousand times Davis! Oh how you were and are still loved. Quite the popular guy you are! Hope you are having fun wherever you might be at this moment. With love, Suzy
I am writing on this website for the first time since we produced Moving Love at One World Theater in Austin. I remember checking it to see if there were any entries but seeing none and feeling not up to writing on it myself, I went away.
I want to speak about my experience of that evening, the constant miracles of the months leading up to it, and all I can remember to share the healing that resides.
In doing so, I first want to say thank you to Nadine, Vicki, Kelly and Suzy for leaving a reply on this site. The tears of joy that come in reading your replies are in themselves deep connections for me to both you and Davis. I am very grateful. Thank you with much love and gratitude for living a new awareness of grief with me and David and Davis.
If I am repeating myself in this sharing, please hang in with me, and, if need be, forgive me. I have written quite a bit since Davis’ passing and am interested in bringing forth the new, but may include that which has already been said in an effort to help myself remember the events I want to speak of.
I want to tell you about how this came about. I had an Angel reading with Russell my dear friend and Angel reader “dude” as Davis would say. Russell is a kind and loving, deeply intuitive, open and non-judgmental presence who loved David, Davis and I after his meeting us all at the memorial service given in Davis’ honor. His “angel” wife, Beckie, is my close friend whom I met at Hildegirls. She sang with my HILDE sisters at the memorial service, bringing Russell to the memorial that evening.
Russell was touched, very moved by the service as were many, and offered David and I a complimentary reading. When I went to have the reading, he met me at the front door of his home with a big smile on his face asking me if Davis was persistent. He asked if Davis could enroll anyone in his plans, and did they feel it was their plan when he finished. He asked many more questions of which I answered “yes”.
Russell, who had never met Davis in body, was sharing with me about his meeting him across the veil. I had thought I was going to an Angel reading that was going to help me get through this next year of my life without Davis. I am so glad I was surprised differently.
Russell said that Davis wanted me to know that he was very happy and at peace. He also said that Davis said he wasn’t going to leave me until he and I both knew, together, I was okay. OKAY??? what in the world could that mean?? All I knew was that I had a layer of love surrounding me that helped me at that moment stay alive.
I was in shock. I could barely get out of bed, not knowing day to day how to take each next step. But, each next step was taking me –with the love and genteel I thanked Spirit for daily. David, family, the Hildegirls, friends, dreams, our little dog, Flower, sunsets, books, meditation, prayer, sleep, Dr. Morguelan and the Energy, long walks in nature——all was holding me near, dear, wrapped in a new awareness that I was being healed by being put back together.
At the time of his death, I was stripped down to being the observer of an illlusion. I didn’t know this. I just knew that who I had been until that moment was no more. The identity I had lived, thinking I was, gone.
I told Russell that I didn’t want to hold Davis back from all of the wonder and fabulousness that he must be in NOW. He was no longer in pain, living in peacefulness and happiness. How could God give a greater gift to a soul who had suffered with pain in his body, soul, and spirit for most of his embodied life, being as true to himself as he could be while he dealt with shame and embarrassment of addiction to pain killers, which incresed the pain of the arthritis that crippled his spine? I watched him do this while doing his very best to love everyone and himself with humor and adventure, music and playfulness? I didn’t want to be in his way of being FREE of that suffering.
Russell told me that Davis was now mulitdimensional and was not held to one place having let go of his body, and could help me and still do what was there for him.ff Hearing that, I said, I said, “Well, I”ll take all the help I can get, then!” I meant it with every atom of my energy and every cell of my body. I felt open and grateful.
Then, the most amazing thing happened. I opened my mouth and spoke the words that I was going to do a performance and express with all of the love within me how Davis had taught me unconditional love. It would be on the first anniversary of his death, September 5, 2008. I had no idea what it would take. I knew, though, that I was going to do it, in fact, it was a done deal, already. Don’t know how I knew. Just knew.
After that moment, there were many moments of questioning myself. What was I was thinking? I WASN’T THINKING, THANK GOD!!!!!!! I was listening, and in my heart and soul, I knew it was Davis’ prompting having me do what my life’s work is—self expressive movement—-art—-for healing the whole person—-healing myself to wholeness.
People came forward to “volunteer” their support. Magnificent artists who are healers in doing their art. Beckie came forward first. She has the art of management. She said she wanted to produce the event. She made the cue cards and sat in front of me the who 2 hours keeping me on time, and reminding me of what I wanted to say through improvisation. Russell joined her. Having done production for t.v. for years, they were the perfect first step.
Russell played the crystal bowls that symbolized the seven steps of the spiritual journey, coinciding with each chakra. Each bowl has a tone also coinciding with teach chakra. Russell also brought his band and they played the song that he wrote for me around Davis’ birthday.
David joined me, having been a pillar of strength in his presence and desire to participate from the moment he heard I wanted to do it. He was the narrator, an eloquent, fantastic, grounding and clear presence. He told the TRUTH of which I had no words for and moved from the inside of myself OUT. He was the bridge that connected the audience to body movement of our joint spirits with Davis. The three of us created a paradigm shift in transforming grief from darkness to light. David and I, together, through our own artistic mediums —-his dreams of Davis’ presencing himself, plus his speaking and writing, as well as my movement, writing, and listening to Davis’ guidance within me—–created our spiritual journey that paralleled Davis’ life.
Shortly after Russell and Beckie stepped forward to help, Susan Lincoln and Craig Toungate, two of Austin’s most beloved and talented musicians stepped forward to join the Moving Love production. Susan brought the Hildegirls, whom she founded 10 years ago, an acapella singing group who heal with the voices of angelic song and spirit. Fifty of the 75 came to join our production. Craig brought his expert song writing, performing, and discernment to the musical repetoire.
I got kicked off. So, I am here to complete my message. Many more stepped forward. Sherry Scott handled invitations which rang my and David’s bell from the beginning. We offered the performance as a free gift to family and friends. David and I had no idea if 5 or 50 would show up. The other producers told us it would be a sellout.
The months came and went with myriad miracles daily for all of us. The emotional aspect was compelling for all of us. From each one of us individually to the group we all dealt with the darkest night of the soul to bring ourselves awake and conscious to living the love that this process offered us. It was extremely challenging, for we are trained in our culture to avoid and ignore our mortality. Living Davis’ life and death for David and I readily brought forth our offerings to forgive ourselves and each other, while the others faced their own challenges with great dignity, also.
We worked together with love and guidance from each of our own inner interiors as we came together and committed ourselves to the miracle that this show was offering us and those who would participate. It was a miracle. In August, three weeks before the performance evening, we were realizing that the venue we had booked was not what we wanted.
Russell remembered me saying that I saw myself on a “stage with my head and face surrounded in darkness”. The venue we had booked didn’t offer this. Russell went to the research table and called several theaters in town. Only three responded, one of which was Deborah Avren at One World Theater. Deborah had only one weekend open–September 5th.
Through her commitment to us as well as her own spiritual experience in grieving the loss of her beloved husband, and seeing the power that this event could offer to all who attended, she worked a deal out with Russell that we could do!! It was a dream come true.
At the same time, Sherry had sent out invitations to 700 plus people and the theater held 300 max. In two days, we were sold out and had a waiting list. We had emails, calls, and letters of love from friends and familly and friends of family. People were so ready to join us in celebrating Davis’ life and were open to what in the world this could be!!
Dr. Morguelan, who is our doctor and chi master from LA, was helping David and I move through daily dark nights of the soul, and guiding us to see this paradigm shift of darkness to light. His amazing mentoring, as well as his sending us the 5,000 year old energy he works with for healing, was in full swing showing us that we were astounding ready to make our own conscious leap of faith into the unknown—-now, and that most astonishing of all that we had been ready all along.
Our eternal love for our son, Davis, had transformed our lives, and over the first year of grieving his leaving this plane, we had started a creative and loving integration of oneness with him that our lives were being lived from—-heart to heart and soul to soul—–ONENESS in Spirit forever.
That evening was magical and wonderful and full of love’s loving all. We received a standing ovation when we came out before the show began. We started the show 15 minutes early because every person was there and ready to start. We ended it 15 minutes early with a standing ovation from the most present and loving audience I’ve ever been in to the recording of the song by John Lennon called “Love Is”.
People had their arms outstretched into the air and were moving and singing as we ended. We had angels who raised money for the filming of the event by Lava Productions led by Grace Lanni, and a most incredible photographer, Jeremiah Cunningham. Some of the photos can be seen on MovingLoveProductions.com, and the ending video sequence with people singing and moving to John Lennon’s “Love Is” can be seen too.
The miracles that led us to this moment and since have been continuing. The love that is healing our hearts also moves us forward with more work to do that Davis joins with us in producing. We love all of you who attended, who wanted to attend, and who are reading this website. Our love for our son moves us to bring forth an ever present creativity that is divinely inspired and heals us and those who wish to join in.
I end with a quote from Emily Dickinson that our niece and one of Davis’ favorite people gave me in a card. “Unable are the loved to die, for love is immortality.”
I’m taking this little opportunity to give you some public thanks and recognition for the miracles you are working in so many lives, and for the love and beauty I have come to know with you. I’m very aware right now of how long (forever) we’ve been so closely linked, and how our connection will never end. And I’m grateful for it. I’m so deeply and profoundly grateful.
Here’s a note – Scott and Bryan at Lava are strongly encouraging me to dig up your music master recordings. They want to produce and release your CD! Help me find the songs.
The last few days have been rocky. As I enter into the holidays, I find that the longings of love and celebration of that love feel harsh to me instead of soothing. I wonder if I ever have reached for the truth in times like this.
For instance, as a little child, the lights of Christmas, the tree, the presents under the tree, the caroling—-all was very magical, a dream that visited me and stirred my desire to make real something that wasn’t.
As an adult, this all speaks to me of an instant that is over before it begins. There is no truth in it that comes from within me, and so I am reaching in this message to you straight into my heart to receive that which I seek.
It is 4am. I awoke at 3 and couldn’t go back to sleep so I got out of bed to check this website. What I have found is that you have brought me here to write and find my way home.
I am learning to forgive myself. It is something I have had no awareness about for most of my life. I am now learning to do it. The message in my world is to choose LOVE. Forgiveness brings love and love brings forgiveness. It is crucial that I learn this for I am promised that I will see differently and the fear, guilt, regret and remorse will disappear.
I know you brought me to the computer tonight. I know you have spoken to me and brought me many awarenesses over the last week. They have been an uncovering of the buried pain and guilt that I’ve chosen to listen to just recently that seemed to block the LOVE. I say “seemed to block the LOVE” because if I know one thing, it is that LOVE is all powerful and eternal and nothing can take it away. So, blocking it is just an illusion.
Forgiveness. I am learning to forgive myself for choosing to let the thoughts that carry the guilt and pain, and that seem so true and real, have a voice. I am frankly just now learning that I have a choice in following these lies or not. For all of my life, I felt like a victim of this kind of assault. Now, I am learning that I am no victim. I have a choice to not listen. This seems so small, but it may just be the biggest realization I have ever had.
I know you struggled with this. I know that this is why you have been so present in my heart speaking to me, and guiding me, lately. You have seen how much I struggle with this, and you know it is a terrible waste of life.
The healing with my Hilde Sisters, yesterday, was a great and profound circle of love that helped me come out of an avalanche of pain, guilt and fear that was tumbling down upon me. I saw how very much all love me, and how very much I love them, but I realized that if I didn’t forgive myself for listening to the lies the voices were telling me, that I couldn’t receive the love being showered on me, nor could I give the love I so very much wanted to return.
I see I was giving attention and energy to something that is not real. Only love is real. I have been learning this since you passed. I forgive myself, and thank you for guiding me in this healing. I am here to forgive myself. Forgiveness allows me to know love, and to be who I truly am—-love.
I love you so much, Davis, thank you for showing the way to God,
Suzanne
I have much to share and much I want to say. This memorial website of Davis is the place that draws me and calls me to write. I am not inclined to write on my own website or the Moving Love website. I love that I have them, but this website is where I am called and I answer the calling with no hesitation.
It is my hope that anyone who reads this may receive awareness and resolution, if wanted, toward healing from the passing of a loved one. And, if this is not the reason for coming here, whatever the reason is, I am grateful that you are taking the time to be with me, and your deepest self in this way.
Perhaps the memories you have of Davis that are triggered by coming here, or meeting him, virtually, through my writing will give you laughter, joy, and lightness of heart. This is my reason for coming here and writing. I may begin in struggle but I have left and continue to leave after writing each reply with the miracle of grace taking me home.
Today, I want to share about a Moving Love event that happened Saturday, January 24th at my sister’s home. She has a lovely old home on an acre of land with trees and a sculpted waterfall and pond on the property. The videographer of Moving Love, Scott, in collaboration with David and I, and nine other friends and family, met at this lovely place.
The purpose of our coming together was to film those who had communicated with us about their transformational experience each had at the Moving Love event on September 5, 2008. We asked them to share on film what had happened for them. They were gracious, humbling and inspiring. Most of all we were connected to the profundity of the event and the love we all shared.
It was like magic! One of our friends who is a musician, shared that he doesn’t believe in magic, so when it happens to him he doesn’t know what to say. He did speak in spite of the it being magical for him. He spoke of Davis’ humor and how he is very picky about what he thinks is funny.
Hearing Davis’ humor had him laughing and laughing and laughing. His acknowledgment of Davis’ humor reminded us of how powerful humor is for dealing with and/or healing from pain. I shared about what an amazing mimick Davis was. He could look into your soul and feed it right back to you in facial, whole body, or verbal expression. He did it to me, often, and I almost have to stop writing about it because it is so funny (I can’t write and laugh so hard at the same time) to see myself—that part of me that I think I hide or want to hide for whatever reason.
Others spoke of the raw emotional, authentic self – expression I shared with movement and improvisation of the love I have for Davis. They appreciated how nothing was hidden or concealed, and said it gave them permission to have their own feelings about death. The immediate gift to me of the conception of Moving Love was that I realized I wanted to express to the world the unconditional love I had learned being Davis’ mother.
The unconditional love was seeded, harvested, steeped and brewed. It continues to quench the thirst of my soul’s need to live a life of self-expression speaking the unspoken. I realize in writing at this moment about Davis’ humor, that it was his gift, his unconditional love for me, and others, which in turn taught me to heal many wounds I tried to hide.
Our friends also expressed their appreciation for David. His eloquent and authentic way of speaking genuinely and honestly, expressing what the script guided us to share, was a 3D moment of what I had moved and danced, emotionally. Knowing David’s eloquence like the inside of my own mouth, it never occurred to me that his speaking so honestly and upfront of Davis’ passing could be so powerful and releasing, to not only me but others, too.
I see how my honesty grants my existence. There is a distinct empowerment I am given when I don’t hide, and that means even in words. Humor presences just that opportunity. As I end this moment of writing about the gift that Saturday’s interviews afforded me, I thank the process of transformation that is inherent in grieving when I don’t hide from it. When I open to and welcome what is coming my way, I am healed. I am grateful to keep learning this.
One of the people at the interviewing, who has lost a child, said that in her years of grieving, some 20 plus, now, she has learned that her son died for her. What she meant was that there were immeasurable gifts that had come to her through the transformation from darkness to light when she opened to the grief.
David concurred as did I. We would give anything to have our children here, in body, but not having that option, we open to the greatest challenge of our lives. That challenge is to receive the change with love, and go for that which looks impossible but really is possible. Living our lives without our children here in body, and finding the love and happiness and humor and peace in life, everyday, is the gift and the challenge.
The famous poet Emily Dickinson is a master of playing with death, and yet what she wrote was true. Those who are loved cannot die as they live in our hearts.
I’m planning to go to Japan this year, to finish up what me and Davis had promised. I’ve been wanting to take something of Davis with me, as a physical reminder, and to leave it there, in Japan.
I regretted that I have never met Davis in person, but I’ve known him through his parents and friends and what a legacy he has left us all. Our children are born from us and with us they shall remain.
His first anniversary didn’t go forgotten, I lit my candle and prayed for him and asked my family to do so too despite the fact that their belief differ from mine. God has freed his soul, and those who have been watching him suffer would be thankful. However, it is not easy to let someone who has left such a HUGE impact in your life go.
Dear Davis,
You have left me to deal with a great deal thanks to your courage. I could use a shoulder to cry on sometimes, but you still remain the light of my life. I remembered that I told you I love you, so many times and I still do. You are beautiful to me, despite all your pains you held on – so STRONG and so DETERMINED. I pray for you all the time, prayed for myself too. I missed seeing that bright smile of yours, I missed your voice. I am grateful to have known you, because I could carry apart of you in me. Our promises of going to Japan, it shall be met – I in my physical body, you with your soul. I’m sure you have visited it already, you should have waited for me. Also, you have beautiful parents and I’m glad that you have made this possible, for me to be able to speak to them and to not lose you in the process. You know how it is like, when they say that the faces of those who passed on will become faded after awhile, but you are still shining strong in my heart. I shall remember you always.
Sometimes in life we encounter beauty in the form of free, moving spirits. We may find them in their natural free state or we may find them confined and yearning to be free like a wild horse suddenly penned up. When we encounter spirits such as these, we are immediately in awe of their strength of purpose, swiftness of mind, and underlying gen-tleness and devotion. I met Davis when he was at the end of his “high school days.” He was a wild and beautiful spirit trapped in a school that he wished to be free of. He was a seeker of knowledge but not the type of knowledge being offered at Westlake High School. He wanted much more. He wanted to know as much as possible of what I knew. He also wanted to know as much as possible of what else was out there in the world. Davis was not only curious but an explorer. At the time, he asked me about Stanislav Grof. He knew more about him than I did. (Now, years later, I lead breathwork workshops that are an outgrowth of the work of Stanislav Grof). Davis wanted to explore hypnosis, talk about different forms of healing, and discuss how energy can move through one’s body. He was fascinated with Chinese medicine. He wanted to know about how drugs and alcohol affected the human body. Davis was also actively exploring how music affected us. He had such a strong desire to learn and to use knowledge to enhance life that he was always a joy to be around. He lived with a passion for life. During those times, his intense passion and desire to be free to explore challenged us all, especially his parents. Yet, the enduring love expressed by both Davis and his parents always shone through brightly and forged their lasting bonds. He had his share of pain and problems, as we all do, but he refused to let those things contain him. When Davis returned from China he was infused with new knowledge, experience and wonder. I could see that at last he was in his element, free to roam, free to learn about those things in which he was most interested. I did not have the privilege of seeing Davis in the last years of his life. But I can see him now and feel his presence. He is still challenging me to learn to explore, and to actively connect in life. Davis continues to connect with us all in his own unique way. He is still that same beautiful spirit and he is still free.
Jack Morrison,LCSW
Thank you for your plethora of love and acknowledgment to Davis. You have given us a window that allows us to share in some of his life relationships.
Your words are kind, loving, and bring about the Spirit of Davis and his commitment to travel, learn and grow. David and I have been overjoyed to focus on the many loving comments that Davis’ friends, like yourself, have offered.
Thank you, lovely young woman, for giving us yet another glimpse of infinity of Davis’ life and joys and love.
If you are interested in going to the Moving Love Productions website, there is information about our current creative and connecting experiences with Davis.
Your words are the liquid presence of Davis’ character for David and I. Reading your comment gave yet another glimpse of the joyful, creative, exuberant, and Indigo Spirit that Davis brought to me and David and others.
I found a picture of Davis the other day when I was looking to see what the box contained. It was a picture of Davis at 6 years old. I have put it on my memorial altar and light candles to it along with the last picture taken of him before he passed, and beautiful keepsakes that I am deeply grateful to have.
There are moments when I am passing the altar and look just long enough to carry his bright light with me to whatever is next for me in the moment. Sometimes I stop and look into his eyes in the pictures and realize that he is so present in and to my life with the knowing of the eternal, that the notion of death is truly revealed to me as a lie.
There are other times where I can’t believe that life has delivered me this challenge and I talk to him in the rawest way to express the overflowing love that keeps me present to being awake, alive, and with the truth. The truth is the love that he is, that our family and friends who who can go there with us, like yourself, hold in their hearts. It is the alternative to descending into a blackness, the cultural trauma that we all are called to challenge around what death really is. I know I could never emerge out of that darkness, ever.
Thank you for sharing with us. You are channeling a presence he is that he certainly has taken with him, and is refining his journey of the afterlife.
David and I send you much love and thank you for the connection to Davis that lives in our hearts and souls, too.
Davis’ 27tg birthday was March 12, 2009. He was celebrated by David and I at a local sushi restaurant that was his and our favorite. He was truly a conniseur (sp?) of food and especially sushi. He turned us onto it when he was in high school. He loved to laugh at our expressions when we were served and hadn’t had much experience around eating raw fish, shrimp heads, fish eggs, etc. That was one of his trickster ways of rocking the boat.
If ever anyone needed their boat rocked, it was me. I held on tightly to life and love in ways that didn’t serve me or others. I have been learning to let go of the fear and control issues, as I seep deeper and deeper into grief’s process.
I asked God today where to go, what to do, what to say, and to whom.
It is a prayer from A Course in Miracles that allows me to relax and unburden myself from ego, chaos and resultant confusion. I went to see a dear friend earlier today whom I have known for 25 years. Our boys played together and she has been a rock of a friend as long as I have known her.
I had the opportunity to talk to her about Moving Love and what’s next. I still find some bottle necking happening when I begin to share with people about Moving Love. I find that there is much to say and I often don’t know where to start. It flowed today, however, and as we talked, we cried together, deeply, and with God’s love and presence guiding us into our love for each other and our children.
She is the one who took the picture Davis, David and me at the top of this website. She captured the essence of our family journey in that picutre. There had been so much healing, and she told me today that she wanted to take the picture because she saw so much light in Davis when she took the picture.
She couldn’t get over how bright and present he was at that time, especially since he had been in so much pain. I know now that he was already leaving us, and another reality was blessing his awareness. He embodied it with such peace in that moment.
As I go forth into the next half of the second year of his passing, I feel the acuteness of the pain within me of his leaving. Thank God for the prayer I prayed at the time of his death, which was reaching to God and asking for guidance in how to live with Davis in my heart for the rest of my life. I wanted to live into this life change with God’s total healing, and be with Davis as long as I lived. Not knowing how to do that, I prayed and surrendered. Miracles have proceeded .
I am going to teach a Stillness Moves class for six weeks beginning April 3rd. I have been doing movement to open my heart and soul to the changes grief is opening me to have. The class originally began to share with others the physical release from feeling shutdown over the last year.
I have had great help and listened continually for the healing whisper of God’s guidance and presence. It has come in the form of moving with deep care and honoring of myself. As I do it, I find more spaciousness and relaxation within. It’s also given me an awareness of how we stress ourselves out in our culture, and now I am offering it to others.
What I have seen is amazing grace. I know that God’s kindness far surpasses any attempt on my part to understand what I am dealing with and going through. I am following the guidance given me, and one of the most beautiful gifts I have been given is the new consciousness and ability to grant myself existence.
The people pleasing and needing to control myself and others is diminishing. Making choices around loving and nurturing myself, and asking for what I want is growing within.
I go within as much as I can with breathing, meditation, movement, singing, writing, being with those who mirror my journey of the road less traveled to know God, and resting. As I do this, I am drawing my attention away from the external world’s clutches, and into the inner world’s freedom. I will write more as I receive guidance , listening and following its will for me.
I am so grateful for your “musing”. I always knew that you loved what I did, dancing and teaching dance, but I didn’t expect to have you so very present as I go forward with teaching new classes. Your presence is more than obvious to me. It warms my soul as it brings me to some of the most creative and inventive moments I have ever had.
I have begun planning more, too. I am still very intuitive with the movement, and yet, I am very grounded in ways I haven’t been able to be before. Planning the class is one. I know that even though I have years of showing up and getting out of the way so the Energy can move through me, I am now learning to center myself around the very blessings the Energy gives me by planning and designing the class.
Never mind that I may show up and all is changed and I use none of it! The point is that I have grown in flexibility and trust and that enables me to work with the Energy as a partner. The partnering is quite fabulous. It connects me to you and the way you provide information as my muse that gives me a new strength and actually a new brilliance that I can’t claim is all mine. Thank you for believing in me, remembering me, and giving me a new way of “seeing” into the Energy’s presence.
I feel so brand new, today. I am doing that which underneath I thought I would never be able to do, and I am doing it quite amazingly well. When I look at all the times I said, “I yam what I yam” in order to not have to try and fail at something I thought I couldn’t do, I realize that is a time of my life that is over. For that I am grateful, and seeing such new abilities that underscore my many new endeavors gives me much joy in living my life.
Seeing you Sunday was such a joy. Davis loved you sooooooooo much! You brought him right into the place of “silly” and “fun” and music, and you know how he loved silly, fun and music. I connected to your and his friendship, highlights of it, and your healing, as well as his.
Have you ever been acknowledged for bringing him into a new passion? He loved music all of his life, but you led him into finding his niche and playing in it. By the time he went to China, you had initiated him into his biggest dream—a musician and deejay. Playing in the clubs in Shang Hai was the thrill of his life, along with living in China. I acknowledge you with much gratitude for sharing such beauty with him— and helping him find his muse, in your being yourself and sharing your gifts with him.
I know it was not easy the last few years of his life for you or him or any of us. In his last year, though, he got very clear in many moments of his love for all. That’s quite a gift for him and all of us, isn’t it? He talked to his dad for hours and hours and hours, many many times cleaning up old painful stuff between the two of them. He shared with me about his music and friends who were playing, including his dreams of going back to China. It was very awesome to be included in his life that way. I felt loved.
He was very happy to be with you that funny evening where y’all stayed up until the wee hours of the morning playing and sharing and being together. He came home that morning and told me y’all had reconnected and visited into the wee hours of the night. He was excited telling me about it. He was quite smug and humorous, very “on”. You know the way he was with his humor, he would say or do something very funny and look deep into your eyes and soul and wait with an infinite presence for your response with a look of total impishness. He would wait forever, if needed, in order to come right back with a rascally response.
He shared with me in his way, that morning, what you so beautifully shared in your way at the memorial service.
His sharing with me about being with you at that time, is one of my happiest memories of that last year. When I saw you, Sunday evening, it all flooded back to me and through me. Along with it, my sincerest fondness for you also washed through me. I am very glad to see you and connect with you, again.
My love to you, and also to beautiful Hannah. I look forward to taking your and Hannah’s classes, and sharing teaching with both of you at Empower Yoga.
I have a day that is filled with peace. I have been wanting to write on this website for a number of days and am now doing it. I have two other websites that I could go to to write on, but this one is where my heart lies. Peace is a strong motivator for me to open my heart up and write.
I keep realizing that the grieving process is not something I can predict in terms of how it will show up or when or if it will end. Since the first of September, and the week before that, as well as the weeks after that, I have been in an intense and new process. There really are moments when I think to myself, “I can do this.” There are also moments in this process where I have been over the last few weeks where I think to myself, “I don’t know if I can do this.”
Here I am finding myself starting new classes to teach and focusing on them with an open heart. This in itself is quite amazing that I have the focus I have to do it, because there is much static that pours in wanting my attention to continue grieving at moments that I had thought had come because I had filled the quota of grieving for the time being.
Not so. It comes when it comes, and my job is to be awake and aware to what I am being given to respond to. This is the healing. It may be with me for all of my life, in fact, I welcome it to be. I say, “what else am I going to do?” When Davis was with us the last year, he would apologize for me taking so much time to help him, and for not being out in the world doing other things rather than being home recovering from illness. What I said to him, then, was “what else am I going to do?” I meant this with all of me. I didn’t want to be anywhere else. I wanted to help him transform.
Now, I am transforming myself with my commitment to grieve his death in love. I have come to a place that is honest, earnest, peaceful, and trusting of the process no matter what it brings. Just a few weeks ago, a friend had to remind me that it’s only been two years since he died, and in reminding me, I realized that I had been in some internal conversation that was telling me I was done. Telling me this over and over and over, she opened up an awareness within me that I am going to let it take what it takes for me in this life to grieve in love for as long as it takes.
This has been a gift of self love that grieving Davis’ death is evoking in me. I can come to this sight, talk about my process and not be concerned that I should be done or that someone will tell me I will be done. I am not done, but I am awake.
We love life, not because we are used to living but because we are used to loving. We find that we continue to love Davis not because he is simply living physically among us, because he continues to live among us through his love .
Thank you, Jack, for such beautiful words. Last night I danced at the 10 year celebration of Hildegirls. I was asked to dance to the song, “Oh Mother” as a tribute to Davis. His passing resulted in a community connection that the Hildes made with me and David to join us in learning about death and grief and grieve with us. They joined David and I going as deeply with us and as far as they could, to heal themselves from grief that didn’t contain their healing.
We rehearsed three days before the performance. Each time I moved, I went deeper into the love I am for him. Each rehearsal cleared away the overgrown conditioned thinking that sets in about death after a beloved has passed that I didn’t know had made a place within me. I remember after his death that one of the most frightening things to me was that I might forget things about him I loved, i.e., forget him. Conditioned responses we have toward death contributes to this.
As I danced at the celebration last night, I was free of the the fear, the conditioning that hid the depths of my love for him, and any need to resist reality. I connected with all of my Hilde sisters in the love that has grown us all since his passing. It was shared in my dance and our singing with the audience. It was a Moving Love experience that takes me daily into a greater ability to live my life loving my beloved son.
This is my favorite place to write. I feel closer to Davis at this website than the other places I blog. Sometimes I wonder if I am the only one who comes here. People tell me however that they come here and check in, so I know I am not the only one.
This past week has been full of our awareness being focused on Davis. It comes for us at the same time. It really doesn’t ever leave, but it gets more intense at some times than others.
Mucho sadness pervades the intensity, yet, a liberation that comes with acceptance also works its way through us. Grief is so underrated. It is a miracle, especially when lived the way we have chosen to live it, together. I love you, Davis. I love you, David.
Hi Suzanne..I dont know you or anyone here..Somehow I ended up on this site from different Links I cLicked on from youtube..I have read everything on this page and now I FeeL Like I know you aLL..The tears I’ve cried from reading everything..The Strong Emotions I get from you..from everyone.. MyHeart goes out to You..(Hugs For You) Love ALways ApriL
Tomorrow is Davis’ birthday. I was so relieved that I was awake and aware this year before it hit me and decked me with sadness. I feel so sad, today.
I am the most grateful for his birth, ever, and the life it’s given me. I am reminded of the quote, “It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.” I feel this way.
I am in Hospice Training with my Hilde Sisters. We will be singing to the dying in their last days, perhaps hours. The synchronicity of the training being on Davis’ birthday is difficult, but at the same time gives me healing. As I do the work, I have the utmost reverence for death, it’s process, and the grieving that we all join in together. I feel so small. Not like unworthy, in fact, the opposite, but aware of the vastness of life and love and my process. I pray with all of my heart and soul that I am able to take the learning I am living and sing it to infinity, the infinite love I have for Davis. In grace,
Suzanne
Mark–Davis’ loving dear friend, is this you? Do you know how much we all love you?????? Thank you for checking in and sending your love. And, congratulations for your upcoming betrothal. We love you both.
My heart goes out to you, and I found your website by way of my therapist, as I struggle to come to grips with my son’s disease which is Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy…. thank you for the love you have shown me
Dear CJ,
It is my honor to serve you in your love for your son with my love for my son! Thank you for the love it takes to reach out and acknowledge someone who stands in a place that you hope you never have to confront or deal with. You are a very courageous and open hearted, loving person. What you are acknowledging in me is that which you contain and are expressing to me. Honestly, had I not asked for awareness of my eternal connection with Davis, there would not have been anything to say here. At the moment of his death, I knew with all of my heart and soul that I would have him with me, forever, if I chose that. I knew that God is that good, wonderful, present, and loving, and my part was to ask for it. I asked, and I have been given all that I asked for and more, fueled with the most astounding grace and awareness of Davis’ presence with me since that instant. You are welcome, welcome, welcome. In love,
Suzanne
There is such a sweet presence here that I check in every once in a while, even when I don’t leave a message. Just wanted you to know that I am thinking of the three of you and sending all my love and blessing. With much grace and gratitude … Susan
Susan,
It is so beautiful to hear from you. Thank you for walking with us in such a journey in the way that you do—the way you do everything–with love and presence and grace and gratitude.
I just had to check the website tonight, feeling a love pull. Of course! It was you leaving a message that fills my heart and reminds that there are probably many of our loved ones and friends who also check this website as you and I do, and may not leave a message each time. All I can say is that your leaving a message is the greatest gift you can give me, my friend.
This website is committed to our love—all of our love in whatever respect it can be given and communicated to one another in Davis’ memory. It is the honoring of my eternal love for him that heals me, day by day, moment by moment. There’s rarely a day that goes by that the fabric of my being isn’t aware of his passing. Others in my life go on with their lilves, as they should, and I am glad they do. Yet, this is the place where I can share my heart and soul and love for him, out loud, allowing the grieving process to grieve me and heal me with those who have moved on. What a gift! Love you, Susan,
Suzanne
Dear Suzanne,
I graduated from WHS with Davis. The reason I am contacting you is that our 10 year HS reunion is on October 1, 2011 and we would like to give our classmates an opportunity to remember Davis, since he cannot be with us. It is our plan to have remembrance posters at the reunion where class members can write thoughts, prayers, or memories of our fellow classmates who have passed away. After the reunion, we would like to give these posters to the families of our lost friends.
We have a photo of Davis from our senior yearbook, and I wanted to know if perhaps you would be able to email me a photo or photos of Davis from his time at WHS and beyond. We would love to have pictures of him with people he loved, and doing things he loved at WHS. I would appreciate any help you can provide. I’m sorry to contact you in such a public manner, but I didn’t have any other contact info. You may email me back at WHSChaps2001@gmail.com.
Thank you so much.
Sincerely,
Anne Knox Bederman
WHS Class of 2001 Reunion Committee
I received the wonderful gift of memories you passed on to us through Suzy Dillard. Thank you. It is wonderful. It gives me such a beautiful window of presence with Davis. You need not apologize for how you contacted us. We feel very honored that you thought of us and responded to us in this way. Also, as the years pass, the gifts extended to us acknowledging Davis’ life mean more and more to me. His being remembered is such a wonderful instant in time for me to share with others. It truly brings what we call memory into present time, and I live here as often as possible. Thank you for your loving kindness, Ann.
Dear David and Suzanne,
I have spent the morning watching your TEDx event and reading this blog regarding “Pookie” as I knew him. I remember him as an exuberant, curious, affectionate, articulate and intelligent little boy. I had the honor of being around the three of you in the early part of his life. I have always cherished that time. You all were so loving and patient with me as I went through my own personal self-esteem challenges. You always made me feel worthy and I thank you for that.
I am at once sad that Davis’ physical presence and light was taken from this dimension and uplifted by David’s AND Suzanne’s words here, your presentation to TEDx and all of the LOVE that pours out from this tribute to Davis’ continued being.
So I can only attribute the strong desire to find out where you are now as a sweet poke from Davis saying “Babars, what are you doing?” as he was fond of asking me when I was working at your house. Why today? not sure however, that is the way love works isn’t it? Unexpected.
Davis grew to be a remarkable and creative young man, no surprise given the richly textured environment that you provided. I wish I had had the opportunity to have met him again.
I will always remember “Pookie”.
with love,
Barb “Babars” Hewitt Tate
Dearest Barbars,
As I read your sweet message to us, I cried eager to hear what you’d say and hungry for your response. It’s wonderful. Thank you for finding the website, reading it, gathering your love, and sending it to us. I read it to David, and he cried with me, and then when I concluded he asked me how you got the name, “BARBARS”.
I told him that is what Davis called you. It was the best way he could say “Barbara”. Isn’t it wonderful??
I’ve thought of you so often, and wanted to get word to you but like you, I didn’t know where or how to reach you. That didn’t stop the loving thoughts I sent your way, however. We have a picture framed of our vacation to the coast that you joined us on. It is of you and Davis with his sand bucket looking at the camera. You were busy helping him build a sand castle or hole, not sure. It’s beautiful and you look very engaged in the moment, as does he.
Barbars, he never forgot you. I would ask him over the years if he remembered Barbars and he said yes he did. Often, he would chuckle when he looked at the picture of y’all together at the beach.
Sometimes he made one of his very funny faces that (my interpretation) expressed a certain humor of the joy of knowing he was loved. He was very hilarious, could go all over the map with different kinds of humor, making it up as he went along. One of his friends said he had always wished Davis had done stand up comedy. We all could say this, too. There was not a dull moment with him. His humorous way of looking at the world grew and was expressed more and more, I noticed, as he dealt with the arthritis.
Pretty amazing that you have contacted us. We are thrilled!
We love you and thank you.
We live in Austin. We love it. If you’d like to contact me and give me your information, you can go to http://www.instillmovement.com.
This is the website for the work I do. There is much to say about instill movement, a gift from Davis both before and after his passing. I would love to hear from you and so would David.
It’s time to write, again. As I’ve said before, this seems to be the best place for me to write/blog. This website that my precious niece Suzy set up for me is very much a loving connection that I honor immensely.
There’s so much growing and learning that is healing my soul at this time. Yesterday, I was in the creek with my great nephew, Bode Dillard. He comes every Tuesday and we go to the creek and play.
He’s 2 years old, going on 20! He heals my heart and restores my soul. There’s only so much one can say in the grieving process, at least in my life, about the sorrow that accompanies me after the passing of my beloved Davis. And, that’s not a sad thing, either. I am filled with his loving presence like never before, and talking about that is so deep and vast that it shows up other ways, like with Bode.
When I’m with Bode, we play, communicating in the finest of ways that can’t happen any other way with him. It’s very honoring of him, me, Davis, LOVE to be together and not speak words, except here and there. It’s wholly magnificent! Holy Magnificent. I am joined to my internal Divine knowing that we’re all one, and yet, Bode has a place with me that honors who he is and the fantastic gifts he brings just being himself. He has shown me how much more can be given in silence, the joining of spirit!
Yesterday in the creek with him, I had profound awareness of my intuitive abilities. As I witnessed my intuition open up, I followed it, leaving blocks and past doubts about myself and what I can and can’t do—BEHIND!!!! I was AWAKE, CAPABLE, and in touch with parts of myself that I have been praying for to emerge. Here’s what I mean.
Bode is a child who thinks, feels, acts on his feet. He is intuitive, swift, brilliant, and very focused and curious. Each of the 4 weeks we’ve spent time in the creek together, he has gotten less afraid and more adventurous! He’s been walking about 9 months, now, so I am especially attentive with a sixth sense to his balance as well as mine. The creek is full of nature at her best. Clear, rushing, flowing water, green, green, green plants of every shape, size, and depth in vision, fallen trees in the middle of the streaming water flow, and rocks of every size inside and outside of the water, life in its magnificence, glory!!! Beauty abundant!!! And! I felt how essential it was on all levels of my being to enter this dance with abandon, like Bode was!
I found myself moving with him, every move! He held my finger and charged forward, yet, in his amazing Buckminster Fuller way, he was doing everything in learning to learn that is deliberate, no matter how precarious it looked! Bucky said the above about children learning to walk. I went with him keeping my awareness acute, and now was flowing like the water with him. As I write, I realize this is how learning is when there are no voices in the head screaming to watch out, be careful, or hold back to be safe! The whole moment showed me I can move with an internal knowing and listening that the aftermath of voices can’t touch. Until yesterday with Bode, I’ve judged falling down, unsteadiness, having to do the same thing over and over, etc., as not knowing how, rather than “knowing how”. We were learning at the same moment, he, doing what he did, and me, doing what I did.
I went into the zone, like athletes who do incredible feats, and watched the dance we were as we danced it, yet, participated fully in it! I found parts of myself that have been soaked in doubting myself be non-existent as they merged with clarity of the wholeness I am and CAN DO! It was miraculous!!! Love is miraculous.
What a beautiful and loving picture you paint with your words-I can see you both discovering your capability, confidence and freedom. I love you, Suzanne!
Barbars
Thank you for the nudge. I been feeling it for days. I was unaware. I tend to not extend to sense. You know that all ready. Its been part honoring a request another still not letting go. I find my heart aching. But I am slowly reawakening. Still a bit to do. I haven’t been ready or able to let go fully. I have one foot in this world and another tuck nicely away in a smelly sock I believe no one would bother. I been doing very well hiding in the ordinary. I tried. But its hard. There is not enough good I can do. But I try. I spent time reading the wonderful words of the lives you touch. I am loving you found your light and despite having much to struggle through, you were able to die before you die and allow everyone to see what it meant to be awaken. You really pulled it with that one there. Yeah I caught the 25 bit. HeHeHe.
On a more up beat note. I am getting clear though. I understand what Gurdjieff meant when he said “Until man realize in what way he is a machine and like a machine he is program, he can never be free. I believe recent clarity in this regard plus a massive push to get clear is what allowed me to sense you enough to feel the impulse, Just. You already know. I love you. I keep you in my heart. I have read much of what has been written. Actually I met a 2nd connect a while ago when I knew I had to do the work that you went to China. Conversation lead to name dropping. I was wowed at how small the world is. But I immediately ran into my cave afterwards. I get out. I been getting out a lot more since Khalil was born. Its a force outing. If I had my choice, I would stay in my little cave still trying to suppress the abilities I felt until today unworthy of. Yeah I know enough is enough of that. Thank you. HEHEHEHe Yeah, I been a tease. Man do I make a impact when I do step out. I am laughing at the similarity of the paths and interest to. Connection may have not been direct, but the influence is there- the work needing to be done is getting done. I know you know. Back to my baby though, I am praying he lives up to his name sake and truly become a friend of humanity as well. I am so proud of you.
I been wondering which to leave, but yeah I think I will leave this one. Love you and hugging you.
Idries Shah tales of the Sands
A stream, from its source in far-off mountains, passing through every kind and description of countryside, at last reached the sands of the desert. Just as it had crossed every other barrier, the stream trie
d to cross this one, but it found that as fast as it ran into the sand, its waters disappeared.
It was convinced, however, that its destiny was to cross this desert, and yet there was no way. Now a hidden voice, coming from the desert itself, whispered: “The Wind crosses the desert, and so can the stream.”
The stream objected that it was dashing itself against the sand, and only getting absorbed: that the wind could fly, and this was why it could cross a desert.
“By hurtling in your own accustomed way you cannot get across. You will either disappear or become a marsh. You must allow the wind to carry you over, to your destination.”
“But how could this happen?”
“By allowing yourself to be absorbed in the wind.”
This idea was not acceptable to the stream. After all, it had never been absorbed before. It did not want to lose its individuality. And, once having lost it, how was one to know that it could ever be regained?
“The wind,” said the sand, “performs this function. It takes up water, carries it over the desert, and then lets it fall again. Falling as rain, the water again becomes a river.”
“How can I know that this is true?”
“It is so, and if you do not believe it, you cannot become more than a quagmire, and even that could take many, many years; and it certainly is not the same as a stream.”
“But can I not remain the same stream that I am today?”
“You cannot in either case remain so,” the whisper said. “Your essential part is carried away and forms a stream again. You are called what you are even today because you do not know which part of you is the essential one.”
Dear Suz & Dave,
Today I’m sitting here feeling Davis’s warm smile and the mischievous sparkle in his eyes. Makes my heart open and my breath catch.
As you know, I have had his portrait, started just days after his passing on my drawing table for years now, unable to ‘finish’ it. I’ve looked at it almost daily for so long – with every good intention of finishing it. Yet something inside just couldn’t budge.
Last week as I visited a the JFK University (realized only today it was on Sept 5) checking into their program ‘Art & Consciousness’, I took a step toward a new horizon & claiming self expression through art. Later as I shared with Craig the overwhelming joy I felt from this new set of possibilites, we happened to be standing by Davis’s portrait. Craig looked at it and said for the first time ever, “I think it would be really good for you to finish this now for moving forward.” Inside, I sorta brushed his comment off…
A couple of days later, I felt a strong urge well up inside to finish the portrait. Truth be told, I’d had some ideas about finishing it bubbling inside but just couldn’t quite see the outcome… So right then and there, I took out blank paper, brushes and water colors; did a breathing exercise & asked Davis to help me open up to my creative joy and step forward into the unknown facing the blank white page.
What happened was wonderfully fun & playful. The painting that emerged was a surprise of color and movement. I love it. (Don’t think I’ve ever said that about any art I’ve created before.) And, to me, it feels like Davis’s energy ‘signature’ somehow. Can’t wait to share it with you both. So today, I have finally finished the portrait with great love, celebration, and affection. I feel deepest gratitude for the gift Davis is – ever in my life. And unspeakable gratitude and love for both of you my dear friends. Much love, Reva
Dearest Reva,
This gives me joy to read what you have done. I feel honored for your sharing this great and moving heart and soul opening in your life, here, on the website. I am very happy for you, and know that the painting of Davis is the capturing of his essence with your incredible gift you’ve been given as an artist. I am so relieved to know that you are celebrating your gift(s) in this way and with your beautiful bonding with Davis. I feel let in on a mystery of the universe that is beyond the simple wording I am able to express here.
Davis’ love bonds us in the deepest and most artistic of ways. It takes art, our soul’s art to make the connections. I’m really glad to hear of your moving on into listening to your inner gifts, and your full awareness of how important it is to you with such peace.
I know he is smiling from his heart as am I.
Reva, I continue to be reminded of how important it is for us to give our gifts back to God in full expression of gratitude for their presence in our lives. Wow, what a beautiful step you have taken in furthering this in your life. Again, I am honored by your sharing this, here, on the website, and being privy to your reciprocal love that you and Davis share. I look forward to sharing more with you of your awesome art. I love it! I can’t wait to hear what’s next. The world so very much needs your incredible artistic gifts. I love you,
Suz
Davis visited me in a dream last night. Don’t ask me why but me and a bunch of friends, one of which turned out to be Davis, were having a race down a long carpeted hallway. The thing with the race was that you couldn’t run on your feet, you had to run on your knees. I was in fourth place or so and I remember chuckling about how all my friends up ahead looked like midgets because it was kind of dark and i couldn’t see the lower part of their legs extending back toward me, only the silhouette of bunch of normal sized torsos and short legs. I got tired of racing so I curled up on my friend’s lower legs, which were extending back behind him, again, because he was kneeling. Davis looked back at me like a gentle kind beast willing to carry me the rest of the way. At the end, he feel from being tired and we lay on the floor giggling. The main memories of feelings from the dream are: Davis is strong, davis is capable, and this is fun. We giggled like friends do together, way too much for what had just happened. Just kept giggling on the floor at the end of the hallway. We stayed there a while doing it.
Dear Mark,
I just read your communication to me and David out loud. We both laughed with you and Davis. We have no doubt he was with you, racing and giggling, and no doubt he was with us laughing with us at your sharing of the dream with us. Wow, it’s so palpable, his presence, isn’t it? We are so happy to hear all the dreams you share with us. He visits us, occasionally, in dreams, too, like he visits you. Suzy and several others as well.
What a great experience and wonderful vibration!!!!!!!!
I love hearing y’all’s dreams. When I read this, I remembered your last dream, too, as well as what you shared at the memorial service of your last adventure, together, a few months earlier, and all the laughing. So wonderful!! I laugh out loud so often being in the moment with memories of his silliness, impishness, and uncontrollable humor–his and mine, his and David’s, his and yours and all that his friends have shared with us, knowing now more than ever how astoundingly creative he was dealing with the pain of the arthritis and addiction. The arthritis inspired as much or more humor and creativity than the pain of it carried. When I act out our silliness, he is right there. When I am gifted by others to be on the other end of their sharing their stories of dreams they’ve had of his visits, or their sharing of feeling his presence or a memory, I am aware that we don’t have to wait till we die to see him, again. That shows me I don’t have to die to know God, either. This separation thing that we have been conditioned to see and live in is such a giant trick, and the undoing of it brings so much relief, joy, and peace.
I am so honored you wrote us and shared with us, Mark. You know we love you. Love to Hannah, too. Best of fortune in Law School. We’re very happy for you and proud of you pursuing your dreams.
You know that Sammy is getting married in Costa Rica in about two weeks?
I have never seen this site before. This is really cool, and a great way to spark great memories. I frequently think about Davis, whether its telling stories to people about memorable events that consisted of Davis and I, or through dreams, or even in daily life. I know their is a wonderful adventure ahead of all of us after this life, and I believe we get to pick the right times to contact/appear in the mind of people we knew well. The love is there all the time, and We all know the love is being felt from him as well. Davis I married a wonderful girl and I know you can see her and know her through me. You would have loved her and I am greatful for this. I can just imagine how you would tell me that I found the right one. I appreciate the fact that I know in my heart how you feel about her.
Ahh, The memories,
Sammy
Suzanne – chances of you remembering me are very remote, but we were childhood friends through Jr. High. I moved to Dallas and lost touch with all the girls I grew up with in Midland. However, I came across this site by chance. I have to tell you that your dear son must have been the most incredibly wonderful child, because I have never read such an outpouring of genuine love from friends and family. I am so sorry that you had to suffer a terrible loss, but I sincerely hope that life is being good to you. It’s been exactly 50 years since I left Midland, but I remember all the sweet friends that I had there and always wished I could have finished school with you all. God bless and keep you now and always.
Cameron – Thank you for your gracious reply. I remember you well. I remember going to your house after school one day and playing Red Rover with you and your sister and a few friends on your block.
I’m really grateful to hear from you. Your sadness and loss is mine, too. I loved visiting with you the week you wrote this lovely response. May your holidays be all that you want, and that you can connect with your beloved friend who passed as he is now.
Hi Davis. Happy thanksgiving son. Today I’m filled with gratitude for you, your incredible work with us and others, and the wonderful openings your presence allows me to receive. Thank you.
There are so many days, Davis, that I am aware of your presence with me. Today is one of those days! I love you so much, and when I feel connected like this, I am fulfilled. I love you. I am very grateful to all who share this awareness of love’s presence with me, too. Thank you for coming, and still I miss you.
Today, my officemate at my new law job (yes, davis, I’m a lawyer now!) in NY got news that his cousin with whom he was very close passed away from an overdose. Memories of all the feelings I had when you passed away, Davis, came back. The sadness, frustration that I couldn’t do anything to change the situation, my compassion for you and for you, David and Suzanne, my regret for the ways I was not the best of friend all the time to you, Davis, and all the immense feelings of gratitude for how incredibly unique and strangely beautiful you were.
I shared with my officemate that I had a very good friend who passed away in similar circumstances and shared with him those feelings. He teared up (not something you see in the office of a big law firm in NYC often) and shared some of his. It’s hard in this environment to find any obvious sources of compassion and empathy (even though most people are in fact very kind–they’re just not that familiar with sharing their feelings). I just wanted you all to know that my story with Davis, and Davis’s story in general, and all that he meant to me, served someone today. And served me, as I didn’t know what to say–memories of davis visited me and I suddenly felt empowered, capable, and big enough to contain the really intense moments after my officemate found out.
In other news, my wife Hannah, whom I married in 2011, and I just had a little girl, who was born at home in our apartment in Brooklyn on Feb. 4. Her name is Juniper Tuesday Emlyn Franke. She is amazing. I know you all would love to snuggle up with her, and I wish Davis could meet her.
Miss you mr. kaboodle and lots of love to you and your beautiful parents.
Dearest Mark, Hannah, and baby Juniper Tuesday Emlyn,
I am inspired and expanded in the heart at hearing from you, Mark, connecting with you through the amazing and beautiful story of the gentleman in your office, your new career in NYC as a lawyer, and the birth of your and Hannah’s daughter, Juniper, Tuesday Emlyn. My sincerest loving and joyful congratulations to all three of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so thrilled for you and with you!!!
I have so much to say to you all, and some will have to wait. I will write to you at a different x because right now I have Pink Eye, and my eye is slightly hurting. So, there is one thing I know I want to say to you before I close this response and reconnect with you next week when my eye is well. I don’t know if I already told you this, and if I did, please forgive me for repeating myself. If I haven’t already told you this, I’m so happy to tell you.
What I have to tell you is in response to your comment above regarding your regret that you were not the best friend to Davis all the time. My response is with a story Davis told me. Y’all were together a few weeks before his death, connecting on a deep and rich, heart level, laughing into the night and being creative with your comedic and silly fun loving ways that you and Davis and your friends did often, together. Do you remember??? I bet you do. I want to offer you this amazing piece of grace that he shared with me regarding that evening, and what I heard underneath his sharing.
He came in the next morning after y’all spent the evening together visiting and “playing” into the night.
Being his mom, with him living at home at that time in when he was recovering from the illness and addiction,
he shared with me at moments which both surprised me, and I was quite gleeful about. His recovery was a piercing nightmare at moments, and at other moments a miraculous surprise, as miracles can often be. That morning after being with you and reuniting with you, laughing and healing together, he cam home realizing that love is never lost, nor is it ever over.
He had touched base with the infinite that evening realizing your friendship was forever and ever, and no matter what you had gone through together, your relationship was stronger for it.
He was beaming, Mark, when he said, “Mom, guess who I was with last night?” Any number of friends came into my awareness because he was, now as I look at that time, dealing with completing
relationships before he died. I knew that on an intuitive level that wasn’t conscious to me at the time. I had been experiencing his regret, also, at not having been a better friend to you, and many others, because he would have moments where he would share with me out of nowhere and express his sadness and pain about it. When I said I didn’t know, he said, “Merk!” with a big smiling frog grin like a frog that just caught his dinner and was very happy about it. He was proud, Mark, that the loving friendship y’all had had since high school was not over. It was empowered and expressing joy into the universe. He told me his version of what you shared at his memorial service. Very silly. Very funny. Very nonsensical to me, but not to him. It was Very Full of God’s Loving Presence and Guidance. The whole time he shared with me, the frog smile was engaged and making us snort with laughter as he rolled his eyes mimicking the night’s actions.
Then he said, “Mom, we’re cool. We’re okay.” That moment summed up to me, Mark, the infinity of your loving friendship and many of his friendships and the experiences y’all had together, regrets and miracles. He then relaxed and so much light beamed from his beautiful smile, no longer frog smiling, but Davis smiling. I feel, Mark, Merk, that he learned from that experience with you that real love is forever. He didn’t worry anymore the way he had before the two of you reconnected.
I saw much for me through his relationship(s) that he shared with me that summer that I find coming through and gracing my life, daily. There is no match for the light. Darkness cannot touch it. The teeniest tiniest bit of light will resolve the greatest biggest darkness by just being there. And, it’s always there. Whatever darkness each of you had, fearing the separation you felt, sometimes, was just a lie, a teeny weeny nothing, not even worth mentioning lie, except to be embraced by the light which y’all did. You both were remarkable in listening to your hearts and souls and following guidance.
I know I was healed by it. The same love that healed me was flowing through us all. Every time you reach out and write to Davis, David, and me, I am healed. I have no doubt that David and Davis and you are, too. If love is forever, which I know with all of me, how could having a body or not change that? He knows your heart and you beyond the body, now. He knows you’re a forever dude.
Love you so much Merk, Hannah, and Juniper Tuesday Emelyn,
Dearest Suzanne and David,
You have just left our beautiful gardens made even more beautiful by your being there. I am filled with sad AND glad……sad that I missed a relationship with that extraordinary Davis….and so glad that I have been left with a full experience of him that you both prescenced. There will never be another dragonfly citing that I won’t think that Davis wants to visit me and leave me with something special. Thank you for our friendship and all the healing energy you continue to bless our planet with. I love you both, Susan
Hey Davis,
I love and miss you so much. Thank you for everything you brought to my life. Your impact on me still reveals itself in ways that ripple into my present, as though you never left. I think about you all the time. I’m so grateful to have had you in my life in the flesh as long as I did, but continue to reap the benefits from those seemingly countless, yet, somehow still limited, moments we shared way back when. I miss you brother, and I love you loudly.
-Jacob
It’s Mother’s Day, tomorrow. I’ve found that writing, here, on this site created by Suzy in your memory, is one of the few places I am able to go and write about my grief and healing process. It’s been a long time since I’ve come here to write. I spiraled into the depths of depression and ill health when I stopped writing and meditating and doing InStill movement. It was a lesson that is forever learned by me. I didn’t just stop coming to this site to write. I stopped writing, period. I am writing, now, again, and I am finding healing, hence, coming here to this site to see what gifts I may receive and share.
Maggie is helping me write a book. It began as my need to share my love for you with others. This was an extension of Moving Love. Your presence in my life has been beyond what I could have imagined in teaching me how to love others, myself, too, trust life and myself and others, and forgive myself and others and life. You have given me so much and each Mother’s Day, your birthday, your feast day, Christmas, Thanksgiving, and all holidays for that matter, are opportunities to go deep and get present with the loss that I am finding I can heal from.
I love you, Davis. Your dad and I are going to our family’s Mother’s Day brunch, tomorrow. My sincerest intention is to go and be with the family, celebrate this important day, remembering your grandmothers and my momma and Davey’s momma, the new mommas who have stepped up over the years and have brought such amazing power, imagination, grace and creativity to being Mothers. I will celebrate them with my deepest gratitude for their commitment to loving their children as I have loved you, NOW and ALWAYS.
I leave you with the lyrics to a HildeGirls song that I learned in years past that has been in my heart and on my mind, today: “All I ask of you is forever to remember me as loving you.” The tune is beautiful, like our experiences we shared over the years. You are my Squeet Beet Boodle Beet Beet,
Have waited for the perfect, beautiful sunny Sedona day to read your Mother’s Day letter to Justin and to respond. We have not been in touch for awhile but nonetheless I think of you, David and Justin often. The dragonflies are beginning to flit about and he loves our garden!
You continue to hold Justin so close to your hearts and I love how you both have never wavered in your love and relationship with him. And though of course you miss seeing and hearing him, his spirit lives so brightly in both of your lives. You are brilliant to have created him being with you always.
Hope to see you both someday soon again in Sedona. We are busy with our couples’ intensive weekends and are well and happy.
Hi Susan,
What a gift to hear from you. You have illuminated my day, as people do when they connect with me via this site. Love you, Susan. Thank you. Hope to see you, soon.
About this site:
This space is for the family and friends of Justin Davis Armistead. You can find information here regarding where and when the family is receiving visitors to share love for Davis and the information on the memorial service (click in the "Service" link above).
Everyone is welcome. Please feel free to invite anyone who loved Davis to attend these events and to visit this website and leave their memories for us all.
Justin Davis Armistead 
Helen Edwards | hedwards@cbunited.com
Dear Suzanne and David,
I am Mark Franke’s mother and I want you to know that my prayers are with you as you weave through the beginnings of the next phase in your life. Having never lost a child I can not imagine the enormous grief that you are currently experiencing and know that there are no words that can be spoken that will make a difference but I am going to try any way. I want you both to know that Davis made such a wonderful contribution in our life at exactly the time we needed it. Mark went away to UNT and then was promptly invited to not return after only three weeks. It was September 2001. Mark caught up with Davis and Davis started coming over to our house. He was the only friend that Mark had at that time who had significant time to be able to share, as everyone else was busy in college. He and Mark went to meetings together and he provided friendship and comfort to all of us during that time. It was a scary time (9-11) for the nation and a scary time for us as a family. Davis made all of the difference to us. He was caring, kind, compassionate and wonderful. We will be forever grateful to him and to you for raising a son like Davis.
Helen Edwards
Grace Lanni | gracelanni@yahoo.com
David and Suzanne – As a new friend of the Armisteads, I didn’t know Davis well, and I know he is grateful for choosing two of the most beautiful people I know to be his parents.
I love you both,
Gracie.
Martha Pinto | marthapinto@earthlink.net
Dear Suzanne,
I am choked up with sadness… that you should have to endure this loss deeply grieves me. You and your family will be in my constant thoughts
and prayers. May Divine Love surround you as you begin this journey of change. Davis looks like a wonderful spirit, treasured by friends and family. May your many memories be precious reminders of his Life, and gentle comfort to you.
Love,
Martha
Gail Vittori | gvittori@cmpbs.org
David + Suzanne,
While I never met Davis, I felt he was always there with both of you so, in that sense, he became part of our friendship and relationship. I sense, too, the strong presence he held with both of you, always.
My warmest and most heartfelt love to you.
Love, Gail
LeMoyne Harper Odell | lodell@hendrickhealth.org | IP: 74.197.30.170
Dear ones – I am thinking of you and your family. Cindy and I will be
at the service. I love you Suzanne.
Carol Mischke | cmischke@austin.rr.com | IP: 70.112.206.94
Suzanne – My heart goes out to you and your family at hearing of your son’s death. Some time ago a friend gave me a pendant – a Mexican jewelry piece of a beautiful heart with a dagger through it. At the time I received it I didn’t really “get it” on the experiential level – but later when death came to my husband and friends, I would look at it and say, “that is exactly how it feels.” The heart is just pierced and broken and it is so painful. At the same time there is the pain, there is the life going on, beating steadily through it all and it is such a paradox that such joy and beauty can exist with such pain.
Prayers for you all – Carol
Reabecca Renick | rlrenick@aol.com | IP: 66.63.252.18
Suzanne & David,
I want you to know that he is home now and with beloved family.
With loosing a son, we will always miss them in this physcial place, however, they are always with us.
A song may play, a rainbow shows up at the right momment or a butterfuly shows up just as you think of him. They know how much we love them and miss them….
Sue Parsons | parsons@mwvmlaw.com | IP: 216.201.166.250
Suzanne – I am so sorry and cannot express my sorrow for you and your husband. Please know that I am sending you bunches and bunches of love and light. I love you so much,
Sue Parsons
Marion Russell | maaree@nitro-mods.org | IP: 66.68.35.119
Dear Suzanne and David and extended family,
my prayers are with you wherever you go in each moment. Prayers reach out to you like wisps of transluscent satin swirling through the winds and embracing you all at this special time. Thank you for sharing his life celebration with us. It allows us to open the doorways of our hearts and welcome you in…much healing comes about in this way for all that live and breathe…and for your son who is moving on right now – I imagine it makes his transition to new adventures a joy, oh I hope so.
Thank you for letting me see the light of life and joy in his eyes.
With gratitude and love to you
your Hildegirl sister
Marion
Gail Essex | gaile@nts-online.net | IP: 24.155.132.212
Suzanne and David, I am sending as much love your way as I possibly can!!! I am truly blest to have sweet funny experiences with your dear precious son. Those hard questions he would come up with; either you couldn’t answer or didn’t want to give him the information. The picture of the three of you is so beautiful!!! You all radiate with love. I have missed seeing you, but you all are always so close to me in spirit. Love Always, Gail
Sara Kellner | sara@kellnerconsulting.om | IP: 206.225.178.10
David and Suzanne,
My love and heartfelt prayers are with you and your family. Remember that you always have the love and support of your community.
Sara
Suzanne and David,
You and your family are in my heart and my prayers. I remember the summer that you and Davis came and stayed with me. It was the first time that I had met him and he was so smart, sweet and funny. He made me laugh! I am sure that you and David will laugh and cry at all of your memories.
I will see you soon.
Love, Dannie
Suzanne and David,
My love and thougths are with you both.
I remember when Suzanne was pregnant with Davis then watching him grow into a sensitive and loving person. He had so many wonderful qualities from each of you.
I’m with you in spirit. My meditations and prayers will be for Davis’ safe passage.
Much love,
Jan
Suzanne, David and Armistead Family,
Please know that we keep each of you in our thoughts and prayers.
Love, Carolyn and John Bass Family
Suzanne and David,
My heart goes out to you both and anyone close to Davis. I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts. Davis will always be remembered. He was a great friend. One in a million.
-MUCH LOVE. -MUCH RESPECT.
🙂
-CHRISTIAN LAMBERSON
Suzanne and David,
I just got the news today from Ronnie of Davis’ passing.
I appreciate that in this difficult time, you are reaching out to your family, friends and community and celebrating his life and accomplishments.
If there is any way I can support you, please let me know. Our prayers are with you both.
Doug and Dana Plette
Dear Suzanne and David,
We are incredibly sorry for your loss. My heart is broken. Davis was the best friend I could have ever thought of having. An individual with an unlimited amount of compassion, positivity, understanding, and pure love. Spending most of my adult years with Davis was an amazing and extremely special period of my life. He molded me. He taught me. We also learned and grew together. He gave me the courage and support to step outside of my comfort zone; Opening my eyes and mind to things I would have never experienced had Davis not been in my life. He always had words of encouragement or advise which were priceless to me and I will always keep them in my heart. He was the only person I felt I could really let my guard down around. There was never any nervousness or anxiety when it came to expressing my raw emotions. He knew whenever something was wrong and had the exact words to console me. I need those words now more than ever. I love you both so much. I can’t wait to see you and hug you. Johannes, Barbara, and I are keeping you all in our thoughts and prayers.
With much love, Justus Lidl
Dearest ones–
I saw David in the photograph of your son’s face, the mischief, the love of life. I can only imagine what an amazing human being he must have been because I know the source in his amazing parents. I can only know the grand canyon of grief that I have experienced when losing those dear to me and won’t pretend to know how to comfort you. I will only say that you are so very loved, and by the words I have read, so is your son. Knowing that he is loved and that we hold you all in our hearts and our prayers, is all that I can offer. Please let me know if there is anything at all that I can do…
“Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.”
Mary Frye
Dear Suzanne and David,
Here is a voice from the past you will probably not remember. No matter. Suzanne, I have certainaly never forgotten your sweet spirit and kindness when we were kids. Jan Wright knew I would want to know and was thoughtful enough to inform me.
I cannot express my sadness at the passing of your beautiful son. It is my loss to have never met him. The above tributes speak volumes. Please forgive me. I only wish I had the magic words to comfort you now. There are none. People will tell you that, “Time heals all wounds.” I tell you it does not. The only thing time does is brighten the best and happiest memories and help us cherish them. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. May God be with you now more than ever, and may the Holy Spirit sustain and keep you, indwell your hearts and lighten your burden with Faith and the “Peace that passeth understanding.”
Always Your Servant, beck
Suzanne and David,
I was given a gift. The gift was knowing Davis Armistead and having the honor of sharing space and time with him.
I remember the very first time I met Davis. He had called me to come over to David & Suzanne’s place to visit with him. When I first met him, we connected immediately, like 2 brothers, that were meeting for the first time in person. I felt then, as I do today, a profound soul connection with Davis. He was wise, beyond his physical age.
I had great compassion for his struggles with his pain, and I was blessed to be able to walk with him, for a while, on his path to transcend his chronic pain. While with him, I could sense the simultaneous presence of his difficult experiences, merged with his naturally intiutive and insightful glimpses into the Spirit realms.
Davis always had a flowing and mysterious “knowing” that He was and is something quite beyond the pain that he endured while with us on here the Earth plane. Davis is a wonderous being.
Since the moment I read the email from David this morning announcing Davis’ death, Davis has been talking with me, visiting my thoughts and pouring forth his love energy.. I have a unexplaind, yet strong sense that Davis is at peace now and his pain is over.
Blessings and Peace to Suzanne and David, and the extended family as you adjust to life without your son.
With Much Love
Michael Wolf
Suzanne and David,
I am saddened to hear of your loss of your very dear son. Our heartfelt condolences to you all at this time.
Know that our best thoughts are with you now and always.
June and Peter Lyon
Davis, Happy Buddha, what a beautiful soul you are. Too soon you have raced ahead, as always in a hurry, to know whats next.
I wont grieve for you but for us still here, without you.
I know Davis loved his parents very much.
Peace brother
Dear Suzanne, David, Family and Friends
Davis was a true friend of mine. It is rare to meet anyone as kind and trustworthy as Davis was. Our experiences together made a profoundly positive impact in my life and he will never be forgotten. I know very well how much he suffered, yet he always managed to find the energy to smile and laugh. I always admired Davis for his outgoing personality and ability to befriend all types of people. I am greatly saddened by his passing and I am going through a period of deep meditation and prayer. Please know I am channeling every ounce of positive energy available to me and sending it to you all, as I know Davis would have wanted.
Love,
Alexander Lewis
My heart is breaking. No words can begin to express. Please know that I am loving you as always.
Jane
Dear Susanne, David and Davis,
My heart and love go with you today and always. And my heart smiles with the knowing that you came to deep healing and resolution in your shared moments while Davis was home, and in the blessing of being able to say goodbye.
All my love,
June Steiner
I am an old friend from Chicago Waldorf, and I knew Davis when we called him Justin. I remember playing with Justin and his ferrets and driving somewhere on a fieldtrip and all of us singing to the radio. Justin was the authority on the cool music in 2nd grade! I didn’t have much contact with him after he left Chicago but I always got updates through Justus and each time was impressed by his courage and stamina. Justin had so much charisma and determination! He was an inspiration for me. My heart goes out to you his friends and family (its nice to see pictures of you Suzanne and David, I remember your faces). He is blessed to have so much love.
Peace,
Simone Gourguechon
Dear David and Suzanne,
I spent 16 wonderful days touring China with Davis and others. It’s possible to come to know someone quite deeply day in and day out over 16 days, many of them spent on a bus together.
The most striking thing about Davis was the LIGHT of him. He was radiant, positive, funny, irreverent, and enthusiastic in everything. He was open to everyone, everywhere. I knew, despite the differences in our age, that he saw me as another soul on the journey and related to what we shared inwardly. He did not allow our outer appearances to blur his ability to speak soul to soul.
Still in his earthly self, he was so young.
A favorite passage of mine is Kahlil Gibran on Children. It begins:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
Davis was Light longing for itself.
I know that, now, free of a body wracked with pain, his light shines even more brilliantly.
Thank you for sharing him with us, however briefly.
With deep appreciation and best wishes to you both,
Sharon Heller
Davis lived with such affection for the world and for all people he encountered. When with him, it was so hard to tell he was struggling because he was so deeply empathetic and affectionate to those he was with. I knew he was suffering, and occassionally I would talk with him about it, but I assume he knew I could not understand. For a person dealing with such overwhelming circumstances, he did quite well managing himself in the world. He really got a hard hand dealt to him. It is amazing to remember the grace he often had in dealing with his problems. And none of us could understand it fully.
I remember him most for supporting me through the time when I came home from my first college experience, totally disgraced and sad. I wanted to change. I did not want to do drugs anymore. He didn’t either. So we went to meetings, watched movies, went out to eat, smoked american spirits, went to yoga classes, went to barton springs, talked for hours about spirituality and constructed dreams whose hopes inspired us to continue on the path toward happiness. My life would have been a lot different had he not been here for me in that time. In fact, I don’t know that I would have made it to be the person I am today. For I was the one less willing at that time to give up the fantasy. I came home, and for a while, continued to make choices that hurt myself and those around me. But, finally, it clicked. And grace has poured so deeply into my life. I have no faculty to process its magnitude. During this time with Davis, my life transformed. And he was so central in this process.
As I said, I will never understand his suffering, but I feel he has paid his dues on earth. That, though we wish he could have lived a functional and happy life, his work is complete. He made it. I feel totally immersed in his love right now.
Davis, I love you brother. You are my friend. I will remember you always. Thank you for all you have done, and continue to do for all of us. God bless you, man.
Love,
Mark Franke
Suzanne and David,
My heart is with you and overflowing with loving and compassion. I am physically in Florida, but I am holding the Light for you and for the soul of that brave one known as Davis. May you all be blessed.
Love,
Martha
Dear, wonderful, loving David and Suzanne,
I will always remember and treasure sharing some wonderful moments with Davis at the Hildys Concert this spring. Davis and I didn’t get enough time together, but that night we shared some hilarious (to us) and irreverent chuckles (nearly silent, we almost believed), during lulls in the concert. We instinctively knew each other’s delight in those conspiratorial Groucho Mark-like asides: Pure fun. Eternal moments: We WERE the desperadoes waiting for the train, and we damn well knew it.
I also loved Davis’ spontaneously contrived prank on his former fellow China Traveller, during the concert intermission.
In these moments, his great humor shone through the pain, and it was my joy and privilege to see it, and participate with him in enjoying it.
Rest in peace and joy, Davis; and please know your mother and father are very strong, have great friends and family loving and supporting them, and know how blessed they are by your presence in their lives.
-Bob Murray
David and Suzanne i don’t have words for the feelings that are moving thru me right now. i watched your slide show… ‘the early years’. seeing Davis in those moments. holding the memories of those times and events while knowing that he has left this world. i am so sorry.
i remember Davis in class. his courage in qi gong was incredible. his struggle and his perseverance. and your support for him without your need to push. you all did it as well as it could be done.
in this moment when i put myself in your place the loss of Davis seems unbearable to me. to have child so precious and so close leave.
i offer all my love and support for you both
tim chrisco
Dear Suzanne & David,
Having been Justin’s friend, I can say that you both can be proud to have had such a wonderful son. And over the years, I have only known you both to be loving, strong, and supportive parents. I pray that you can endure and remain the positive forces in this world that you have been.
To all, I’d like to introduce myself. I’m the mother of two of Justin’s friends, Justus and Johannes. We live in Chicago and met Justin at about the age of 8, when he entered the 2nd grade at the Waldorf school. Justin was in Justus’ class and, if you are not familiar with Waldorf, the same class and the same teacher move through the grades together. But the kids had favorite friends and Justin was one of my son’s closest. We had visits, sleepovers, and some trips together. I liked Justin for his exuberance, inquisitiveness and just pure joy, to name a few. He was never mean or teasing.
When he moved back to Texas, I thought that may be the end of their friendship but they stayed in touch. They had similar interests and tastes, especially in music.
A few years after highschool, Justus joined Justin in China where they taught English for a year and a half. It was an experience my son would never have had if it weren’t for Justin. During this time they started planning to do promotions in the music industry, a driving force for their later stay in San Francisco. When they returned home last year, they were already planning to return to California, then China. I felt it was a wonderful opportunity to see and experience the world especially with a good friend such as Justin was.
Justin even became “my” friend! He’d talk with me for hours at a time on the phone. Just think, thirty years age difference! I think Justin could talk to just about anyone.
When I visited them in San Fran, I never saw Justin wince or utter a sound from the pain he was in. He would talk about so many other things that it was easy, unfortunately, for me, to forget about his deteriorating physical condition. I wish I could have done better by him in some way.
Now, without him, the earth seems to turn a little slower.
We will sorely miss him in our lives. I am grateful for having known him and having him be such a good friend and an illuminating influence in my son, Justus’, life.
Love, Barbara Lidl
Dear Ms Suzanne and Mr David: when my mom break the news about Davis, i can’t believe what i heard, and i don’t want to believe the truth, don’t know how much i wish the clock turns back. go back to that time when he is with us. i want to hear he laugh…..
so much want to say. but i can’t…
summer
Oh Dave and Suzy, what tragic news! I never knew Davis, which was my misfortune, but I love his parents, though I haven’t seen you for too many years. Thank you for the wonderful photographs. His spirit shines through and will continue to shine in the lives of those who knew him. My heart is with you at this time, and all my love,
Osha
Dearest Suzanne and David,
I remember once, coming over for dinner. Davis was home for a while, exhausted, recooperating from a trip to China. He came out for a few minutes to meet us, to say hello. Sweet, kind, gentle of Spirit he was. He taught many about depth and Grace on his journey.
Gary and I reach our hearts out to you, holding you close as life’s dance takes this turn. You are both such loving, kind, fun, compassionate souls. May you be filled to overflowing with love and support.
Love, Lisa & Gary
Dear David and Suzanne,
We are all called to this life to open our hearts and love, not necessarily understand it’s mysteries. I send my deepest sympathies and hold you both tenderly in my prayers.
Love, Davida
David and Suzanne,
I am saddened to hear about your loss.
Much love and sympathy,
Susan
Dear Suzanne and David, I met you several years ago in Westlake. I have 3 son’s Travis who was 25 died July 8th of this year. I am so sorry, nothing can prepare you for the loss of a child. To love deeply is to greive deeply, May God hold you close,the memories you have of Davis be woven into your life to comfort you. Peace be with you…always Hope and Faith.
Blessings,
Danni and Pete Morford
Dear Suzanne and David,
I send my love and prayers. May you be surrounded by light and love.
From Hildegard –
Let your eye live and grow in God,
and your soul will never shrivel.
You can count on it to keep you alive….awake….tender.
Patricia
It Was Like This: You Were Happy
by Jane Hirschfield
It was like this:
you were happy, then you were sad,
then happy again, then not.
It went on.
You were innocent or you were guilty.
Actions were taken, or not.
At times you spoke, at other times you were silent.
Mostly, it seems you were silent – what could you say?
Now it is almost over.
Like a lover, your life bends down and kisses your life.
It does this not in forgiveness –
between you, there is nothing to forgive –
but with the simple nod of a baker at the moment
he sees the bread is finished with transformation.
Eating, too, is a thing now only for others.
It doesn’t matter what they will make of you
or your days: they will be wrong,
they will miss the wrong woman, miss the wrong man,
all the stories they tell will be tales of their own invention.
Your story was this: you were happy, then you were sad,
you slept, you awakened.
Sometimes you ate roasted chestnuts, sometimes persimmons.
Dear Suzanne and David,
I am so sorry to learn about your son’s passing. I can not imagine what you are going through at this point. I did not know your son but I am sure he was a wonderful person because you are both so great. I send my love and prayers.
Kristina
Sweet Heart, My Boot Stroot, Davis,
I awoke this morning with deep releasing breaths that connected me inside and out, and, eventually, to emptiness. I was receiving the love and precious guidance that is here for one who is realizing, and accepting at the same time, the depth of the MYSTERY she lives in.
The last few days since you left your body, I have been journeying, too. It has been a complete ‘letting go”. There is an “ultimateness” I have received. That is to say that I am free, now, to be in, and stand with, as never before, the truth of my life, my love, my appreciation and my gratitude, for the life I have been given with you.
I still marvel at the transformation your birth gave me, an avenue of love beyond what I had ever known—-instaneous, beyond my will. It was an introduction to infinity, a foreverness. Love loving through me. Motherhood, with you, the greatest gift of my life.
I knew, daily, the gifts your bright Spirit brought me. Our laughter, our playing, our loving, even the darkest, scariest moments that we all learned to address and move through, together, brought a life long healing that you, your dad, and I had the honor of living.
As I laid in bed, this incredible awareness continued to reshape me by announcing the truth of my ultimate and deepest knowing. I knew with a fierceness that defied my deepest fears of you dying, that YOU ARE. I love you my Boot Stroot. I love you. I love you. I love you.
The Squeet Beet/Mom
My husband and I met Davis on his first trip to China, back in 2002. He was such an energetic, happy guy, who came to remind me of the happy Buddha. Davis was the kind of guy who put a person immediately at ease, and I remember that by the end of the trip he felt like a little brother with boundless energy and a non-stop smile. After Davis went back to China to live and study, we lost touch. This is my biggest regret at his passing: that time ran out before I had the opportunity to spend more time with him and know him better.
My most vivid memory of Davis is him singing karaoke on the tour bus. I still can’t hear a Red Hot Chili Peppers song without thinking of him (or drink apple flavored-beer, eat Thai noodles, get a professional massage, or paint a wall. But that’s another story). He was a bright spot in our lives, and as long as we carry a little of him within us and burn as brilliantly as he would have, we can make sure that his short, but well-lived life will echo through time.
These last few days I keep hearing Davis sing the chorus of the song he sang that day on the bus years ago:
“I don’t ever wanna feel like I did that day. Take me to the place I love, take me all the way.”
Perhaps we can find consolation in the thought that Davis is in a place he loves, however far away.
My heart hurts for those left behind. Peace be unto you.
Love,
Amanda Jones & Chad Byers
Dear Suzanne and David,
This morning I read the obituary for your son, Justin. Even though I have never met any of you, I feel compelled to share with you how this death has touched me. When a parent loses a child, there are so few words that can releive the pain in your hearts.
Justin must have been a wonderful person that was here on this earth only to share his love and peace with his fellow travelers. Having you for parents was also designed by God for him to do his best work.
Inside every occasion for pain, there is the opportunity for great love and growth. We will all be together again. Until then, just know he lives forever inside you.
Gwynn Broome
Dear Suzanne and David,
We are so sorry to hear about Davis. We know the pain that no word can ease. We are with you in our thoughts and prayers. Love is the greatest gift we can receive or give. Love endures all, love just is. Death can not change that love. It just seperats us for a while. Some day we will be together again with those whom have gone before. We lost our only son, Troy, as you know in December, and the world stopped, our lives have forever changed, but our love of Troy will always remain. The memories are there and we see and experience him in them. Davis’s and your love will always be. Nothing can change that. You can go on – one breath, one tear, one new day at a time. Vickie and I are with you in Spirit and our love and prayers surrounds you.
God bless Suzanne and Davie. Give them comfort and peace. Let your love fill their hearts and lives today and in the days to come. Amen
Suzanne and David, I feel it a tremendous honor to have been able to share in this memorial site. I don’t know you and did not know your son, but I feel that Carol Waid shared it with me out of love and respect for you. I know very well the pain endured in watching someone go through such a horrible illness and struggle to repair their health. When my mother died in my arms, that was a defining moment for me and it has shaped my every thought, word and deed every since then. It’s something that is hard to describe and no words will ease your pain, but know that I feel that you are so surrounded by love and grace and I hope it brings you comfort and joy in your heart. You and David had a wonderful son it’s very apparent and I know he must have loved you both so very very much. I am so sorry that his journey left his body so depleated, but I think that he himself even would not have changed a thing. I think he was so blessed to have you and your husband for parents, friends, and companions along his journey. I believe he must have touched a lot of people in his lifetime and the memories people have of him will be cherished ones. I pray that God blankets you with that peace that passes all understanding. I ask that he heal your heart, and dry your tears in time and that he continue to bless you with peaceful memories of your dear son as he will be in your heart forever. And, you too will see him once again, and that will be such a grand reunion. May peace be with you. Shelley
David and Suzanne,
The news of Davis’ passing came to our family just yesterday. I want both to know that our love for you comes throught this wonderful new method to be felt right away!
I still remember Davis coming to our house for Justin’s many Birthdays and parties! He was always smiling and so beautifully friendly in every way!
One particular evening it was late and a lot of cleaning and picking up needed to be done. He came up to me and said,”Mrs. Lowe,I want to stay and help you until you just don’t need me anymore. I have had such a good time!” so we cleaned up together for about an hour and then he left.That is the first and last time we talked and were together. He left a shining light when he left, and I realized that he probably had that kind of presence where ever he went!
My heart breaks for you both…I know what it is like to lose a piece of your heart..I will pray and ask God to comfort you in whatever way is best for both of you,for I truly found that He was the only source of comfort through many wonderful friends as I know you have!
Much Love and tears for you,Sheryl,Doc and Justin Lowe
Dear Suzanne & David ~
There are no words. Davis has “gone home;” returned to “the Source,” and although we grieve his passing and short time in our midst, he has left his legacy … Davis was/is a “light.” He was/is pure love – and it radiated from him. Our times together were brief, but always joy-filled and I so appreciated the “presence” between us. Davis was an “old soul …” ~ perhaps this time around, he “got it,” and it was merely time to exit. His transition has left volumes of thought for those of us left behind …
Thought-filled-ness.
Freedom, deliverance and the “keys to the Kingdom …”
Lights as big as Davis’s can never go “out.”
Love & light always … Barb
The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
~ Rumi ~
Dear Suzanne and David,
You will always be his Mommy and Daddy. You are in my prayers.
A poem by Mary Frye~
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.
Love,
Katie Lincoln-Goldfinch
Dear Suzanne and Dave:
We are very sorry to hear of Davis’ passing. We go back to remembering our most recent evening with Davis and you both at Maudie’s. Davis was full of enthusiasm and warmth. We share in your loss and offer you both all our love and support. We will be there at the service.
Love,
Anita and Ramesh Rao
To the Armistead Family:
I went to school with Davis. Like too many, we lost touch over the years. I happened to be going through the paper this morning and saw a familiar smile. I was astonished to see that it was in the obituarary section. Tears came to my eyes, especially after reading the previous postings to find out that he was in pain although I never knew it. That is the amazing thing about him: he was ALWAYS smiling. Everytime I saw him.
My thoughts and prayers go out to all who are remembering him. I hope that his smile will be the first thought that comes to mind when his name is spoken, because that’s what will come to mine. I also pray for some sort of comfort for all in the time following his passing and that God will wrap his arms around your hearts and hold you even tighter. Please know that he was a beam of sunshine to everyone and his smile brought many, many smiles to those around him.
Take care,
Melissa Brown
Dear Suzanne and David:
We just found out about Justin (Davis’) passing, and as we review all that people have said here, Tim and I are humbled and honored to be in the realm of the incredible Armistead family spirit – and although words will never capture what there is to say — we connect here now in sharing with you.
We are blessed to have known Justin (Davis) as a youth in Chicago. We are remembering incredible times at our Christmas parties and Thanksgiving tables, sharing so profoundly in our wedding celebration, looking for his pet ferret in the alleyways, talking/walking and playing at our Cottage, and being at the hospital when we first learned that he had rheumatoid arthritis and what it took for you all as a family to deal with this in the best possible way.
As we heard from you last year, we cherished the full life that Justin (Davis) lived throughout the world and knowing that he reached people and places we will never know and yet leaves an imprint that will last many lifetimes.
We want to take this opportunity to acknowledge you as parents — the intimacy that you engaged and shared — and the life that Justin has been able to live way beyond his years. The combination of his fortitude, courage and grace is beyond words, and as he stretches his wing to fly through to the Light he will embrace and carry many lost souls who had given up making the journey.
We forever treasure your Souls and appreciate the forever connection we will always have.
Your soul mates –
Judy and Tim Maloney
When one is face to face with the mysteries of Birth, Love and Death, there is no refuge except that of being ruthlessly present to the moment. Spending these last few days with you two has, even considering the many travails we’ve negotiated together over the years, brought a new depth of admiration for your courage and wisdom, and has summoned the very essence of Grace into the compass of your extended family. Little did I realize that witnessing Davis coming into this world would take me along a path to such a joyful place of Gratitude.
Love always,
–Spider
I leave you with this:
Death, what are you?
–I am the shadow of life.
Death, of what are you born?
–I am born of ignorance.
Death, where is your abode?
–My abode is in the mind of illusion.
Death, do you ever die?
–Yes, when pierced by the arrow of the seer’s glance.
Death, whom do you draw near to you?
–I draw him closer who is attracted to me.
Death, whom do you love?
–I love him who longs for me.
Death, whom do you attend?
–I readily attend him who calls on me.
Death, whom do you frighten?
–I frighten the one who is not familiar with me.
Death, whom do you caress?
–The one who lies trustfully in my arms.
Death, with whom are you severe?
–I am severe with him who does not readily respond to my call.
Death, whom do you serve?
–I serve the godly, and when he returns home I carry his baggage.
Suzanne and David,
As parents, we only get glimpses of the deep sorrow and pain that comes with the loss of a precious child. We did not know Davis, but from his pictures we can see that he was a beautiful young man with a zest and love of life. Those eyes are amazing. In this intense time of personal contemplation and life’s reflection, we send our love and prayers and our thoughts and prayers will be with you. May all that you stand for, bring you to the other side of this experience.
With Love,
Ed and Liz Moise
Early last week, I was thinking a lot about Davis (I’m taking some multimedia classes at San Francisco State) and his love of music and wishing that he was still in San Francisco to work with me. So when Craig called to tell me of his passing, I was just shocked as if this just could not be.
The last time I saw him was when we drove over to Alameda to pick up an energy machine and spend some time with this healer over there. We listened to Miles Davis during the drive and Davis seemed in good spirits and we had a nice time together.
I first met Davis over at Charlie’s when he was passing through from China and it was amazing to me how he could have learned and mastered Mandarin and lived in China as if it were his second home. And he was just 20 …amazing.
You both are such dear people as well as some of the most supportive parents that I’ve ever met Words seem very inadequate but you are in my thoughts and prayers and I am sending you heartfelt embrace from afar.
Love,
Anthony
For Davis –
Bright wings
Sparkling eyes
Young supernova
We’ll see you on the other side
Until then, you will be fondly remembered, dearly loved, and deeply missed.
With all my love to David, Suzanne, and everyone who knew and loved Justin Davis Armistead,
Jennifer Catherine Oines
Sunday, September 09, 2007
David and Suzanne….
I love you both and I send you my deepest and heartfelt sympathy.
My best memory of Davis, since I only knew him as a child, is the time you had the birthday party for him at about age 4 or 5….you had a magician come to your house, and, as usual, your love was flowing not only to your son, but also to the children and families of those who were Davis’s friends. My 26 year old Danny and my 24 year old Robert still remember that awesome and fun party! AND I remember that Davis was a very intuitive and gifted child who was very loving and kind…and, of course, quite funny and bright. His shooting star lighted all the lives of those he knew.
Yes, he will be missed terribly. But, he has taken a trip to a wonderful land and he is already thrilled at being there!
I love you both……Becky Lilljedahl : rebecca.lilljedahl@sbcglobal.net
10210 Spicewood Mesa, Austin, Texas 78759
PS== Both Danny and Robert told me today how much fun it was at that party and how they always remember Davis as a LOT of FUN!
David and Suzanne,
My sincerest thoughts and prayers are with you. I remember a memorable eveing in the late 90’s when you hosted a performers night at a coffee house. I met Justin that night and we had a wonderful visit outside – he impressed me so much with his intelligence and caring demeanor.
May these words give some comfort….
I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord, which made Heaven and earth.
The Lord shall preserve thee from all evil; He shall preserve thy soul. The Lord shall preserve thy going out and the coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.
——Psalm 121:1-2,7-8
Love, Pat Epley
HAIKU
In a dream she comes
My sweet child, gone from my arms
Never from my heart
Forever seven
She floats just like a whisper
Never far from me
What is Heaven like?
I ask my heart – She says it
is God’s sweet embrace
She says “Heaven is
Like it was with you and Dad
Love forever and always.
I will visit soon
Look for me while in your dreams –
I will be dancing.”
Ellen Prewett
Dreamt
December 7, 1986
Composed
September 9, 2007
For Suzanne and David, with all my heart
He was always smiling.
Wow! How wonderful Suzanne and David!
I wish I were only more practiced at this, but I have had similar feelings in contact with Davis as his friend did. In my readings to him of the Tibetan Book on the third day of his passing, I felt that he was already being guided, easily, and in his style, playfully, through the ethers. I am doing daily meditations for and with him and I continually see his mischievous smile and twinkling eyes.
The grace with which you all are handling his transition makes this all seem so normal, so healthy, such a blessing. I alternate between tears of sadness and tears of joy, and I am so profoundly experiencing Davis’ incredible, deep love for us, pouring through me from across the veil. We are all truly blessed to have one another this lifetime and beyond. Leave it to Davis to take the lead on this aspect of our adventure together and take us all by the hand…I will miss his physical presence immensely…my heart reaches across the miles to yours.
I love you guys,
Craig
My memories of Davis– the Chicago days:
Trying to figure out what he wanted his name to be… Justin or Davis, Davis or Justin, what I liked is that he would answer to both!
This little guy was smarter than a whip with computer games and had the brightest cherub face you’d ever want to see.
He had a dog named Lazer, a loyal sidekick! He also had pet ferrets, it was the first time I had seen such a creature, cooool.
One Halloween he wanted to be Robin Hood and asked if I would make him his costume. Suzanne and I had fun creating the most courageous young man in green tights you’d ever seen! He was very pleased!
We danced together with Suzanne to the 5 rhythms of Gabrielle Roth.
He also loved food, while living in Chicago, Davis, Suzanne and David introduced us Midwesterners to Texas BBQ, shipped in from yes sir… Texas. We ate until we were stuffed and all had fun pickin’ our teeth together.
In recent years I visited the Armisteads in Austin. Davis picked me up from the airport, I don’t know many 23 year olds that would do this. After not seeing him since our Chicago days I recognized him immediately and our conversation picked up from where we left off. In his animated way he told me about his time in Asia, his love for music, his friends and the fun he had had and his intentions of returning. He also talked candidly about the medication he had been taking for his pain and his desire to be free of it. He’s always been a passionate kid and I could see that as a young man it was truly who he was.
Suzanne and David,
I am deeply saddened that he has left our physical world. What I know is that he is so loved by you both. He had the loving and peaceful soul of you Suzanne and that crazy, wacky side of David, always exploring and living life to the fullest. I know that you have each found the peace within you to let Davis be in a better place– free of his pain.
I’m sending you my love and radiate healing energy to give you strength through this time. I am with you my friends.
Love you, Gail
Love, Love, Love. I send you my sincere love and appreciation.
Ultimately all there is is love. I am silent and still here and now,
feeling my love for you.
If I ever do or ever did get the chance to be a son of yours… or a parent
of yours, I would take it.
Love love love your precious and sweet sweet hearts.
Stephen Summers
Dear David and Suzanne,
Forive me for responding in this impersonal way. However, prior commitments and travel out of country prevent me from being with you personally.
I did a candlelight vigil on Wednesday night to contact Davis’ soul. I found him happy and at peace. His only concern seemed to be that you would know with certianty that his death was an accident and not intentional. I
I saw his spirit soaring into the light and followed him as far as I could into it. I have stayed in touch for the past couple of days. He had so much spirituality in him that his transition was quite swift and easy.
I know this is an odd message. It is not the first time that I have been asked to deliver this kind of message. It is somewhat awkward for me to do so, but I made to promise and I want you to know that I am quite confident that it is true.
With all blessing and in appreciation of the joy and light that Davs was briefly in my life,
Peace,
Sharon
David and Suzanne,
I am so deeply sorry about the loss of your son and want to send to you
my most heartfelt prayers for healing and peace to you both and your
family. From your message, it is clear that you all are surrounded in
love and that your loving relationship with Davis is a source of
blessing and strength in such a difficult time.
With love to you both,
Diane
Dear David and Suzanne,
I want to express our deepest, heartfelt condolences upon your separation from Davis. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. We are moved and deeply saddened by the enormity of your loss, but encouraged and greatly inspired by your letter and the knowledge that you remain linked to Davis through the power of love.
Please don’t hesitate to call on us for any assistance that you may deem necessary, no matter how small, in the days ahead.
With deep love and affection,
The Albornoz family.
My deepest sympathies to you. I have been praying for you guys very much over the past few months….
I love Davis very very much, and I consider it an honor and a priveledge to have been able to meet him and spend time with him. He is a true Master, and a powerful teacher for me. I am so pleased to hear that you feel like you guys were able to gain completion.
At the same time, I know this is a big loss for both of you in this time of transition. I send you light, and my deepest and warmest regards of love.
Michael Wolf
Dear Dave and Suzy,
I never met your son, as we have been separated these 25 years by geography and perhaps other things that I did not understand. It was a circumstance that caused me regret whenever I thought about it, as you and Suzanne had once been among my dearest friends.
Nor can I imagine your pain, as I have no children of my own, much less a son who has predeceased me; I only know that it is universally agreed upon that a parent’s loss of a child is the worst pain that any human can suffer. That my two loving, kind, and funny friends should have to endure this saddens my deeply.
However I do know that you two share a profound and sincere spirituality and are dedicated seekers of wisdom, and I can count on you to view this terrible loss as an opportunity for further enlightenment.
Please accept my heartfelt sympathy, for whatever that’s worth after all these years, and my sincere condolences. Be brave.
Peace, Love,
Carson
Suzanne & David,
We were so sad to hear about Davis. Though our paths have not brought us together in a while, I am eternally grateful to Davis for bringing you both to start the parents group and for being there to get it going.This group has been instumental in restoring relationships between parents and their children. I know for me personally I have learned to love in spite of the conditions. I will have to write to tell Shannon of the physical loss of Davis. I know he will be terribly sad for I know Davis was the light in connecting all of us.You were the most loving parents and I am hopeful that in times to come that same love will give you strength.
Love,
Hannah and Butch
Suzanne & David,
We wanted to tell you how sorry we are to hear of your loss. Davis is an amazing soul. He is on a much higher plane than the rest of us. Darin so valued his friendship. We were all fortunate to visit with Davis last Christmas holiday to catch up on his incredible life adventures. Know that Davis gave our family such pleasure with his presence and he will be truly and sadly missed.
Are hearts are with you,
Lowell, Sue, York & Darin Fowler
Death is nothing at all…I have only slipped away into the next room…I am I, and you are you…Whatever we were to each other, that we are still. Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way you always used. Put no difference into your tone; wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without effect, without the ghost of a shadow on it. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is absolutely unbroken continuity. Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near just around the corner…All is well.
-Henry Scott Holland
OXford Professor of Divinity
Suzanne & David, I only just met Davis in the spring of this year, at a Hildegirls concert, but I had heard you both speak lovingly of him for years. I learned more looking through this beautiful website you put together for him and can see and feel the love you have for him. Words like loss seem so small because I know your hearts are so full.
Warmest Regards,
Mary Ann Reynolds
Suzanne and David-
I do not know either of you very well nor did i know Davis extremely well. I had the pleasure of meeting him about 2 1/2 years ago through Shannon Munden. It was only about 6 months that i spent some time with him but was able to see such a beautiful person inside of him and a gentle and kind soul. when i heard of his passing, i could not help but feel extreme sadness. i had lost touch with him and had always wondered how he was doing and where life had taken him. My mom, Beth Bull, told me that Davis and i played together when we were like 3 years old and i really had no memory of that but thought that was interesting. I just want you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers and i hope you can find peace and comfort soon.
Erin Totten
Dear Suzanne,
I have poured over every photo of this wonderful man who is your son, Davis. What an amazing gift from God that you got to be his mom, and that he got to be your son. Suzanne, remember when we were children and we planned out our lives as if we had complete control over our future? It is almost laughable now that, as experienced adults, we realize how very little power we have and how enormous is the power of God. As a mother, I feel your pain and suffer with you – and for you, and as a believer, I rejoice in the undescribable love you must have shared with your child – and that you have more love to look forward to sharing with him. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, along with Davis and his father, and all the many people who loved him. Your friend always. Love, Danna.
Dear Suzanne and David,
I was shocked and saddened to hear of Davis’s passing. Davis’s smiling face and greetings were always a treat in Building 12.
Sending you peace and comfort,
Tamara
My dearest Suzanne and David,
Davis always had a twinkle in his eyes that made me what to squeeze him!
I remember so many fun times when he and Michael use to get in his room, or at our house and make magic! I am so glad that we have the pictures of when we all went to Disney World! What happy memories of those two little boys mingling with their fellow magicians. Frozen in time is the photo of Davis when he saw the fire swallowing dancer. amd his sweet face as he watched the amazing fireworks.
Oh…and I still laugh when I think of that picture of him in his role as Siskel or Ebert…I forget which one he portrayed. He was perfect! We were all excited about his big break in show business because there was no doubt that he could have been a star. But, alas, when Davis saw how grueling “the bright lights” could be…he wisely said, ” I just want to be a kid.”
I remember Davis as sweet, kind, funny, and oh….what an imagination!
There are some people who are just too gentle for this world…and Davis was one on them. His precious light now is illuminating his section of Heaven, and I fully expect to see him as a shining star.
There are so many broken hearts today in Austin, San Francisco, Chicago and China. The world weeps with you, my precious friends.
Love and blessings always,
Mary
Although I didn’t know Davis, I am so saddened by this news for my extended family. His grandfather Davis and my mother were cousins, and I still see Davis and Cora when possible. His father David and I saw each other yearly as children, and though I haven’t seen David in way too many years, I have very found memories of our childhood. I know with a grandfather and father that are so wonderful, that Davis must have been wonderful as well.
From everything I have seen on this website, it has been my loss not to have known this member of the family.
I can imagine no greater pain than losing a child. My grief for the difficult time my dear relatives must experience is great, and I know their grief is a thousand times that. It must seem that everything you thought the future would be, is no longer. Yet you will have a future, and I hope that, though the pain will never go away, it will at least allow you to have fond memories of this wonderful spirit, and keep him in your future that way.
It’s those left behind who suffer. For Davis, this time isn’t an ending, but a beginning.
My love and prayers are with you,
Becky
Suzanne,
I am so sorry to hear about the passing of Davis. My thoughts and my prayers are with you now and as the weeks pass.
There may be nothing in our lives more unfair than to surive a child. But I hope that you find strength and peace in remembering all that you all shared together. I wish I had some magic words to make you heart happy. Please know that you are held in love.
I wish your spirit all things warm and light.
Ginger
Dear Scooz and David,
What a little treasure Davis was… He was so impish and funny and deep. I love that we all got to go to see Amma Gi together and then go to see Ratatouille… I always felt like I saw some part of myself in Davis, just like I see myself in you. I will forever remember his smile and big bright eyes. I can only think now that part of his reason for living was to bring this peace and love and outpouring of genuine heartfelt sentiments to all of us, all of our family and all of our friends. It’s truly amazing that in moments like this in life, everything that isn’t important falls away and makes room for what “is” – like our profound love for one another…
“Important events-whether serious, happy or unfortunate do not change a man’s soul. They merely bring it into relief, just as a strong gust of wind reveals the true shape of a tree when it blows off all its leaves. Such events highlight what is hidden in the shadows; they nudge the spirit towards a place where it can flourish.”
Irene Nemirovsky
I will miss him but am grateful to have had him in my life. love, Tweet
Dear Suzanne and David,
I once meet the coolest man when I was visiting Dr B. I can see him now, he was so nice, low key and sweet sitting on the couch. His light filled up the room. I knew he was special. I was delighted, and not surprised at all, when I found out he was your son. How perfect. A son of two such joyous and loving people. He would be loving and share his love and light with all he met. How divine. Thank you for giving the world this gentle soul. I am so glad I got to meet your treasure. He’s smiling, I can feel it. Thanks Davis! Thanks for being so nice to me and sharing you when we met. Good job you guys. You gave the planet a good, loving man. I’m happy I got to meet him. Yea Suzanne and David!!!
I send my love and my thanks,
Maggie
Thank you for spending some time with me on the phone in the midst of
this. As you know, at some very important level, Davis, you and
Suzanne are indelibly part of our “real family;” those precious few
souls we affiliate with over the span of a life, who remain in the
heart regardless of time apart and distance. So, I have been
literally feeling this situation at a deep level, in my heart center,
since we received the news. Your request for Davis to be held up in
the light of our spiritual framework and practice is being honored. I
feel more connected to Davis now than ever, in an inexplicable way. I
also feel deeply that his soul journey was mightily empowered by his
splendid time on earth in this life — a perfect life, with such
splendid parents as you and Suzanne. That is, I suppose the other
reason I feel this so deeply; when we first met, and after I had a
chance to meet Davis, and then had my first child, you became a
larger than life, archetypal role model as a father. So, in a sense,
I feel I am watching a lineage master go through this. That isn’t
coming out quite right, but I think you get what I am saying. I am so
impacted by the way you have handled this, emotionally, that I can’t
thank you enough for the gift. I hope this all makes some sense. We
are in prayer for his transition. I know if will be perfect.
Love,
Marc and also Heather, Gabel and Aidan
We will be there.
I learned late Friday and have been very sad. I just went and held my Cutco knives and cried. [Davis used to sell Cutco knives.] Seems odd to do but Davis touched me deeply.
Christina
Dearest Cousin and David,
I cannot express in words my grief and sadness, much less begin to fathom your tragedy or sense of loss.you two know .And as you know, I have always felt so close and beloved by you ,touched by your philosophical delicacy and tenderness in your apraisment of the world around us.
I know you are two people who can teach teach othes your depth of strength of courage and love , for it is what you have managed with grace and dignity.
I can only imagine Davis’s pain, not ever having been faced with a serious health issue.and although I was once diagnosed with artheritus in my eyes , I was relieved to have a second oppinion that it was, in fact not idiolectic arthritus. I looked it up and was frightened and faced teh issues he must have had to live with on a daily basis. And I do not fault him for wanting to ecape the pain.
Davis knew just how deeply he was cared for and loved by you , and how lucky he was to have two great parents who have been there for him and now have still more challenges ahead.
I want you to know, that I was so touched by his essence, his spirit when I saw him last. So full of life and hope and kindness and ambition. We promised to touch base for his dreams.And when I introduced him to his cousins Katy and Alexi, please know that his gentle kind comapassionate,gentility was more than apparent. He was so nice to the girls and funny too.
Thankyou for bringing his spirit into the physical world, and we were all touched by his laughter and wit and brightness forever.
I have written so many drafts and discarded them, wanting to impart whatever words of healing,I can muster , but knowing your capacity for higher consciousness I know you would probably already have them in your heart, to share with us.And from the out pouring of love you are receiving I want to add, but am a loss until I see you. To tell you anything more, if I could without restraint , I will share anecdotes you may not yet know that are a treasure.
So For now, I send you my best deepest felt hugs to erase this pain and shock and sadness we all are feeling for you now and forever more.You know how much I love you. Last I saw him, he showed me in the glint of in his eyes, his good heart and also hinted proudly to me how much he treasured your lexpressions of love between the two of you, whiule we were both watching you two dance at Bobby and Kristas wedding . You can imagine how we both shared a gentle smile of secret knowing , watching you two frolic and boogie , inlove and reenforcing his sense of belonging.It was a poignant moment I want to pass along , so you know the sacredness of that moment felt for me.
I love you so much I can only pray that you are receiptive to my condolences and that when teh sun shines, you will see where his sparkles fall, he will remain among our hearts forever.
Eternally Yours,
Laurel
Sun, September 09, 2007 4:13 pm
David,
This is Kristin.
I wanted to send you my deepest sympathy with the loss of your son and to let you know that Nick passed away on Friday 9/7/07 and we will be having his memorial on Thursday evening and if you are up to it would love to have you there. He thought of you as a true friend… Call me anytime.
Kristin
====================
Monday, September 10, 2007 8:55 AM
Well… We’re losing such good ones.
As you know, Nicholas was a real light to me. He was my hero.
Suzanne and I have scheduled a trip together to grieve and heal immediately following the Tue nite memorial for our son. We will not be back until the week of the 17th, and so will not be joining you on Thur – to my deep regret.
When I return, if you have the time, I would like to get together with you for coffee or lunch and share some time. There are some wonderful memories of Nicholas I would like you to have.
Sincerely,
David Armistead
=======================
Mon, Sep 10, 2007 5:12 pm
David,
I would so love to meet with you one day… Nick, really enjoyed the friendship he had with you…
Enjoy your trip and know that my thoughts and prayers are with you also.
I am trying to attend tomorrow nights service so I can express my sympathy in person.
Sincerely,
Kristin
Dearest Suzanne and David, I was with you when Davis was born. It was
a golden experience, and I have never stopped thinking of you, all of
these years. He grew up beautifully. My thoughts have been with you
constantly since I learned of the loss.
Nola
Dear David & Suzanne,
No one knows the sorrow of loosing a child until they loose one. We’ve been blessed by still having our 3 boys, so, we’ve not “walked in your shoes”.
We are thinking of you & hope in time the pain & sorrow will ebb – it will never, never be forgotten.
Our thoughts & prayers,
Mary Jo & James
I remember playing swords with Davis. He made me laugh so hard. I saw him at Spider House, and he was so sweet and asked me to sit at his table,while he was making plans for an event in San Francisco. He will always be my friend, and I will miss him always.
July 5, 1982 Llano River. The Hancocks’ love surrounds you like the water.
We wish we could take all your pain away and wish this horrible tragedy never happened. But, you should have no regrets because you are two of the best parents. What a loving and fun house to grow up in! All that great parenting paid off because Davis was truly a special young man. He always seeked the truth from the time he was a little boy. His eyes were always so bright reflecting the love and sense of humor in him. If you met Davis, he was one of those people that you just fell in love with. He was such a wonderful mix of intellect and love much like his Mom and Dad. He knew how much he was loved. We know he is now with the True Healer and feels no pain. We pray that God’s comforting spirit be with you for He is the only one that can give you comfort. Don’t you know God has his hands full answering all of Davis’ questions? We will always miss Davis and always think of him. Love you dearly.
As a therapist and a hospice volunteer, I have spent a great deal of time with the dying and with those left behind. And still, for me it is a mystery that can not be demystified. I only know you through the Anam Thubten group and I did not know your son. The great Tibetan teacher, Marpa, who is especially dear to his countryman because he was the first Tibetan in a great lineage, deeply mourned the death of his own son, Dode. Marpa’s famous wife Dagmema and his famous student Milerapa both wept too. His son’s mental continuum was released into the vast expanse, the dharmadhatu, by the practice of Powa, the ejection of consciousness at the time of death. Even the great Patrul Rinpoche had Powa performed as he died. So, even though I have not learned much from my many great teachers over the last 35 years, I performed Powa, as I was taught, for Justin at my altar, under the watchful eyes of my masters. I would like to attend the memorial ceremony, but I am going to a lecture on how to understand white blood cell tests. As I have leukemia (as yet a very easy and even helpful disease), this is an area of special interest for me. Of course, if I can do anything to help, please call me. I have some experience in this challenging part of our lives. May all beings benefit.
Steve
762-2885
I met Davis at Colin Gilmore’s wedding. We had a long rambling talk about Tibet, Lubbock, music, weird friends, Jesus, Buddha, and a bunch I can’t remember. Throughout the evening we ran into each other again and again and the badinage flowed as between old friends. I always figured I’d see Davis again and I still figure so. Om Mani Padme Hum, little brother.
Jic
Dear David & Suzanne,
Thank you for including us in this awesome yet intimate circle of love for Davis and the two of you. It is very powerful as we can feel it from many hundreds of miles away from Austin.
Please know that our thoughts and prayers are with you today and always.
JW & TJ Dunlap
I am filled with so many emotions this rainy Sept. morning. Looking forward to embracing my lifelong friend, yet mourning the reason for this reunion. Davis’s sudden and unexpected death has brought back so many memories and emotions for our family. Cindy, knowing the depth of your loss and the numbing pain, simply wants to wrap you in her love. I still marvel at her strength and courage after having lost Trav. I know she will tell you that time does NOT heal all wounds, it simply makes things more bearable. We all cherish our wonderful memories of Trav, but grief is a long and painful journey. My admiration for my precious sister is unending. Her tribute to her son and her way of trying to make sense of his sudden death, is to be the kindest, most compassionate person I know. What more can we do but attempt to live in such a way that brings honor to our loved one. I know you and David live your life in just that way. None of us can make this easier or less painful. I simply hope in some small way our love will help make your grief more bearable. I love you, I have loved you since first grade, and will love you beyond.
Dearest soul friends Suzanne and David and Davis:
I’m so honored and grateful that we’ve all had the good sense to find each other…
In meditation this morning I was taken back to a meditation of 5 years ago. The phone rang and it was my beloved Mom, who informed me that the Twin Towers had been hit. As so many of us did, I lost it because immediately I knew that the reality I had carefully constructed for myself was shattered forever. As I wept she said to me, with such boundless peace and love, “Sweetheart, it’s all going to be okay.”
Little did I know that 3 months later she too would physically be gone from my life. The grief was overwhelming. Yet her transfiguration gifted me with the courage to set out on my quest to learn to live my life to the fullest, with heart and eyes wide open.
Looking at the photo of the three of you on the home page, that’s what I see: three beautiful people with their hearts and eyes wide open (full of beans and bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as my Mom always said).
In my mind, Davis is now permanently entwined with me every year I celebrate my birthday, the date we share. I’ll always remember that day in your apartment, Suzanne, when he was so exasperated with you excitedly telling him for the umpteenth time that we were both born on March 12th. That was a great mom/son moment.
La Huntress and I love you folks so much and are here for you always…
oxo,
Mags
Suzanne and David,
My intent was to try to write some words of comfort to you, and now, after reading all the wonderful things that have been written about Davis, I find that I am the one who has been comforted. When my own son died, it was Davis who would call me often just to see how I was doing. What a rare and special gift to find in someone who was then only 16. I have seen his smiling face at my door many times over the years and he will be deeply missed.
I know your hearts are so broken and I know that you want nothing more than to go and be with him. As you walk through the dark days ahead, hold tight to one another and find comfort in your memories and peace in how much your son loved you — and you, him.
David & Suzanne,
I will always remember Davis’ eyes, always bright like the 4th of July and a smile that sang from deep in his heart, and in those things from him there always seemed to be a reflection of all you lovely people.
My deepest condolences.
Love Ben
Dear Suzanne and David,
In my post above I very much simplified the story of Marpa’s son. I hope you don’t mind. I just wanted to say that even great spiritual teachers mourn and that the Tibetans value Powa. Reading these posts, I wish I had known him. Good luck.
Steve
Suzanne and David –
It’s been such a long time since we’ve seen one another, but all time is dismissed in the urgent rush to grieve with you. Davis was just a little boy when I knew him — my own sons are 6 and 10 today. Mostly how I remember him is through my admiration for you as his mother, Suzanne — your free expression of your love for him and your wonder at every little miracle that popped out of his mouth. I can only get so close to imagining how heartbroken you are before I feel my own heart breaking too. I’m so very very sorry.
Judy is bringing all my love from Chicago.
Sara Conway
Dear David and Suzanne,
I want to share with you that this is the time to celebrate his young life and to know that you will see him again in heaven. When you feel that soothing touch on your face of an early morning breeze, that will be your son touching you with his love and thanks for the wonderful life you gave him. I am so sorry for your loss. But I know that you will be together again.
I am a graduate of the Truth Be Told Program and Carol Waid sent me notice of Davis’ passing.
My prayers are with you and yours. God loves you and He will comfort you as none of us can.
By His power to rule all things, He will change our simple bodies and make them like His own glorious body. Phillipians 3:21
Davis’ is now healed and hole like our Father. Love, Deborah Keahl
Dear Suzanne and David:
I am stunned and saddened. Yet as I watched the beautiful restrospective photos I am lightened and gladdened for a life well- and fully-lived. As a parent I dare not fathom your feelings. Even so, I am reminded of the words of a poet, which I would like to share with you in the spirit of closure, of awe and of hope:
And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, “Speak to us of Children.”
And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.
I wish you both the ultimate gladness of the bow. My love is with you. And Davis is in my heart.
Your friend,
Mark Drozd
Dear David and Suzanne,
I cannot begin to put into words the deep sadness that I feel at the loss of your only child, Davis. My mother’s mind just cannot begin to grasp or comprehend the tremendous burden that the Lord has placed upon your hearts. But, know that my mother’s heart goes out to you in consolation during this time of great sorrow, for yours is a suffering beyond mere words or understanding.
Please know that I am keeping you both in prayer before Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I pray as well that our Blessed Mother Mary will bless you and comfort you in the mantle of her holy protection. Place your trust in the Lord and He will bless you with the grace to sustain you while you endure this terrible loss of your Davis.
I am offering Masses for him and am praying a Novena of Rosaries for his soul beginning on the day he passed and continuing for 54 days. I pray that this provides you with some comfort during the coming weeks.
May the comfort and healing power of the Lord be with you both and may you find solace in the Savior’s unending Love for you now and always.
Love,
Sandy
At the end of a long night of sleeplessness or suffering, sunrise brings joy and hope for the day to come. At the end of the long night of death and sin, the rising of Christ, the Sun of Justice, brings joy and hope for the life to come. In the light of the resurrection, we see and live anew, knowing that all is in and from God’s hand, returning all to him with thanks and praise.
Dear David and Suzanne,
Clark Samson called us to tell us the dreadful news of Davis’s death…can 25 years have passed so quickly? I ran to the bookcase to get out my copy of the EQUINOX Fall 1982 and quickly flipped to the pages you so tenderly wrote about the birth of your dear son. My tears stained the pages, my heart aches for your loss…for my loss…because I never got to meet Davis. I have poured over every photo and every beautiful comment people have written to you in hopes of a glimpse of his precious life…and I felt so comforted! What a wonderful network of friends and family you have…what an incredible spirit your son has… it shines so brightly we are touched deeply without even knowing him.
With Love,
Karin Wikstrom-Miller
Dear Suzanne and David,
I am so moved by this site and all the amazing love and support that’s been coming your way. I know that in the midst of your grief you are so proud of your son. I wish I’d had the chance to meet him for he surely must have been awesome.
Suzanne, a mother’s letter to her son that is no longer on this earth is a difficult thing to read – but I am comforted to believe, as you do, that HE IS.
All my love and prayers are with you all.
Mary DeWalt
Dear Suzanne and David,
Davis was one of the kindest and most generous guys that I know. He was always willing to listen to anything and everything anyone had to say and never passed any type of judgement on anyone at anytime. His soul was so supportive and encouraging as well as his awesome smile…it will be missed.
He was a man of his word and when he said he would call he would. Always reminding me of concerts and fun festivals that were coming up. The last time I spoke with him I was in Montreal and he wanted me to go to a show of one of his favorites…I felt so honored to be invited but I was unfortunetly out of the country.
I wish so bad to have him back. I wish so bad I could hug him for one last time and to see his contagious smile light up any room.
Suzanne and David, your son was a beautiful person inside and out and loved greatly by everyone who knew him. He will be missed but not forgotten.
I will be praying for you and for your families.
Much Love,
Amy Braband
Dear Suzanne and David…
Last I saw you at Friday night meditation, I now realize how deeply you both were into Davis’ lightening and transition, tho no word was said…. I think of Kahil Ghbran’s poem about how our children are not ours but God’s, and they come through us. We then become an archer’s bow, our child the arrow whom we load w/ experience, strength, courage, and laughter – and release into their own flight —- so it seems it is w/ Davis, as he arcs and lights the sky cresting into a target we do not know.
If heaven is a practice and not a destination, then this lesson not one a parent plans and yet you have opened the book and have kissed the words….
Martha
I’m sad that I didn’t have a chance to meet Davis and hang out with him. Since we all became fast friends so quickly, I just assumed that was coming… we take things for granted. It didn’t happen, but he’s still there in your hearts, so in a sense I’m meeting him now, by feeling your love for him, which is intense and touching all of us.
Dear Suzanne and David,
I want you to know how wonderful and amazing the celebration of Davis’ life was last night. I was incredibly moved and uplifted. It was truely a celebration of a life well lived and a life full of love and spirit.
I hope that the days ahead of you will be a time of healing and love. My heart, prayers and good thoughts will be with you both.
Suzanne is was so good to connect with you again. I won’t let go this time . . . that I promise. You and David are both a very positive force and love and energy radiate from both of you. I felt this even though it is such a difficult time for you. I want to continue to feel your energy and spirituality.
Take good care my friends. I love you both, Dannie
Dear Suzanne and David,
Growing up with Justin in Chicago and attending grade school with him, the memories that stay with me to this day are his warmth, humor, intelligence and energy. I always felt welcome at your home and looked forward to the times when I could spend time with Justin. To this day I am amazed at his curiosity and insight at such a young age and am happy that I was able to share that time in my life with him.
With love,
Nathan
Dear Suzanne & David,
Having known, directly and indirectly, Justin since he was about 8 years of age, I can say that you can be proud to have such a wonderful son.
Also, over all these years, I have only known you both to be loving, strong, and supportive parents. I pray that you endure and remain the positive forces in this world that you have already been.
Thank you too for being a great comfort to Justus.
To Susie,
Thank you for making this website for us all to share our memories and express our emotions. I draw comfort from everyone even though I am a perfect stranger to most, only knowing Justin. It’s awesome. I have logged on to this website every day now in my time of grief. Thank you everyone.
I would have written, shared, sooner but I had trouble posting. I’m the mother of Justus and Johannes, two of Justin’s friends. Justus was the one who lived with him in China. They taught English there for about a year and a half. It was a rare experience that I know he wouldn’t have had if it weren’t for Justin. I thought, what better way to see and experience the world, as living and working somewhere, most especially with a good and so gifted a person as Justin.
We met when Justin entered Justus’ 2nd grade class at the Waldorf school in Chicago. They became good friends. I liked Justin for his exuberance, inquisitiveness and just pure happiness. When he moved back to Texas a few years later, I thought that was the end of their friendship but they stayed in touch, especially Justus. They had similar interest and taste in music. So, during the China stay, Justus joined in on Justin’s plans to eventually do promotions/shows in the music industry. This was the driving force for Justin’s later stay in San Francisco and Justus joined him there, after a little coaxing from Justin. They did get along though, through thick and thin. Justin even became my friend! He’d talk to me on the phone for hours at a time, mostly about Justus, never himself. I think Justin could genuinely connect with just about anyone. And never dismiss anyone either, even me, a “mom”.
When I visited them in San Francisco, I noticed that he was moving very stiffly but I never seen him wince or heard him utter a sound from the pain he must have been feeling. And, he would just talk about so many other things, it was too easy for me to forget his condition. By the way, he made the greatest ginger vinegar flavored sea bass that I have ever tasted! He said that he learned it in China.
Without him now, the world seems to turn a little slower.
We will sorely miss him in our lives but I know we must be grateful now for the times that we had with him. And when we finally follow him, we will then know the sense of all of this.
Love, and tears,
Barbara
Dear Suzanne and David
I was so saddened to hear about your loss. After looking at the pictures of Davis and seeing the laughter, love and happiness in his eyes, I feel like he lived a blessed life. My prayers are with you constantly. Carry on with your good work in this life. God bless
Rosemary Gaines Sellers
Dear David and Suzanne,
I have only spent hours with you, and a single evening with Davis,
but I love all of you.
I miss Davis and I believe we would’ve spent time together when
I was in Texas.
Also, I feel that Davis was blessed to have you for parents and that
there was a plan for you to be together. If you were my parents,
and Davis were my brother, I would feel as blessed as I do in this
life with my own dear parents.
My love is with you all. And my missing of you, Davis, fills my heart
with a deeper awareness of this life.
Ann
Dear Suzanne and David:
As parents who, like you, have lost a child, we know your pain,. We feel it with you all over again. But like us, you will get better, though it will never be the same – nor should it be. Though Davis touched our lives just briefly, we will remember him, and you, always. Be well … we know you will. With compassion and love, George and Madelaine
Suznne, David and all of your family,
The celebration for Davis was incredible. I am so glad that I was able to attend and be a part of his journey. The two of you are remarkably strong. The waves of grief will always be there but the happy times of your lives together will outweigh the sad ones. My prayer for Davis,
May the angels lead you into paradise;
may the martyrs come to welcome you,
and take you to the Holy City,
the new and eternal Jerusalem.
May the choirs of angels welcome you
where Lazarus is poor no longer
May you find eternal rest. Amen
Eternal rest grant unto them O Lord
and let perpetual light shine upon them
May they rest in peace.
May their souls and the souls of all the faithful departed,
through the mercy of God,
rest in peace. Amen
Dear Suzanne & David,
Though I did not have the good fortune to know Davis, I feel so sorry for your profound loss. The photos of Davis tell me that he was a bearer of the light
and I imagine that now he is a greeter for all of us that follow.
My heart is with you during this time and know that you are enfolded in the arms of love with all around you.
May peace prevail…..
To the Armistead Family, we extend our heartfelt sympathy to to all ofer your great loss. May God bless each of you. May it help to know that others care and love you .
Dearest Suzanne and David,
Every member of our family fell in love with you two, and by agreement with that, Davis, from the moment we met. We have cried, grieving with you, and Ann, our oldest, talked about how she would have liked you for parents. We all knew in a blink that your family, your special trio were part of the heart of who we are too–as individuals and as family.
I wish we could have all been there for Davis’ Memorial Service. Andrew and Jen were both touched by it, by Davis, by you both. Please know how much we love you both and honor the preciousness of Davis.
Jan Matney
Welcome to “A Service of the Heart”
Shalom …. Welcome … Peace …
On behalf of Suzanne and David,
I want to welcome you to this Service of the Heart:
a service for their precious son — Justin Davis Armistead.
In addition to “Shalom”.
there is another Hebrew expression
that means “welcome:””B’ruchim Habaim.”
The literal translation is “Blessed are those who come”
And truly, we are blessed to come together this evening.
We are blessed to be here
in this sacred circle of family and community,
And we are blessed by the gift of Davis in our lives.
To each of us, that gift meant different things.
Yet, all of us are united in gratitude for that gift.
We don’t get to dictate the terms of a gift.
The fact that a gift is given at all is grace.
And so, we thank Almighty God, the Giver of All Gifts,
for the precious gift we received in Davis.
David has spoken of the ferocious love
that characterized Davis’s life.
The ferociousness of this love
invites us to accept Davis as he was:
All of that passion … and yes, the pain.
And that same ferocious love asks us now
to accept his death as one more step
in the unfolding of his life.
We wish that it were otherwise.
We wish that Davis were here,
so that we could feel one of his bear hugs
one more time.
Instead, we must embrace him in our hearts
and experience what is truest about Davis:
that shining, pure and beautiful essence.
There isn’t a one of us in the past week
who hasn’t been struck
by David and Suzanne’s courage,
by their incredible openness in the face of loss.
This sort of radical openness invites us to face
our own unspoken fears …
our own unattended sorrows …
our own unexpressed grief.
If we can only accept this present moment
And all that it holds, then we find that
grief embraces grace,
tears reveal transformation
and loss can lead us to an even deeper sense of love.
In this present moment lies an opportunity
to experience the deepest truth of life …
the truth of a thousand lifetimes.
We are asked to look beyond the illusion of form
to a reality that is limitless … deathless …
radiant in the Oneness of All That Is.
At last, we find the message that the gospel has for us:
A peace that passes understanding.
Davey and Susie,
Davis’s memorial was the most loving and amazing human-created space I have ever been graced to experience.
I never had a child. I wanted children, but, my body and the universe said “no”. I don’t know what it is like to bear, birth and raise a baby to an adult. I have joyously watched my friends do just that journey. I make a great “Aunt Mona”. I probably would have been a good mom.
So, I don’t know the joy of being a Mom or the unspeakable grief of losing a child. I know the loss of wanting children, of praying for them but never having them. In the space of Davis’ memorial, you two granted me a small glimpse of the journey of being a parent: joy; sorrow;laughter; Davis’ brilliant gathering of articulate and loving friends-each with their own journey; cousins; uncles;aunts;grandparents; trips to the river and Big Bend and just a whisper of what it is to “stand in the Gap” for your child. I am eternally grateful for your gift to me.
Susie, your dance pierced my heart. When I came to speak with you, your Mama love was so fierce and so pure that I became speechless and shy in the presence of that love.I remain in awe. Thank you for dancing. You have my heart; my prayers and,always, my hand.
Thank you for sharing Davis’ life for us. The memorial service has forever changed me.
In the quiet moments of everyday life-at a stop light,after a phone call, my thought and heart slip off to the two of you. I love you both very much.
Franny
Suzanne and Dave,
I love you so much. I want you to know that I have shared, again and again, how i was touched by the magnificence of the three of you. You have modeled for me – love. The four letters that has meaning that is only that which isn’t explained, but what is. The room, filled with so many human beings, in our own worlds, were held by you both and I could feel Davis’ spirit shining on us all, with his so beautiful Armistead smile — which is literally from one ear to another.”
I want to tell you also how much you are guiding me to be my Higher Self. When Nathalie and I came to your home, you met us with open hearts and open minds. It causes me to weep in this very moment, in my very little tree house (office). Your lives have literally given me a path to more wholeness.
I can recall coming to the little wood house, Wolf Sittler’s home and Davis and Dave were on the couch and there was something like Laurel and Hardy on, not sure, but it seems like an old movie. Dave, you and Davis, looked so light with each other and so like ones that were chosed for each other. I am remembering all the times you have all shared about your special movie times together and how you so loved to be family time with each other.
You are such awesome parents that allowed Davis to participate in the world that many children never are able to. You stretched yourselves, financially and emotionally, to allow him to reach his dreams and his ways that he would leave his mark on the world, and so he has.
The eyes are the window to the soul and I believe this more than ever now. As I looked into you both, as you stood so gracefully and present, before us all and held us up as you do, I felt like I was at the feet of GUS (Virginia’s God, Universe and Spirit). Thank you for who you are and for opening you to us.
love love love,
smooch, smooch, smooch
how is flower?
The very next morning, my grand-nephew was watching Bambi at my house and the only part of the movie that I saw was when the skunk came up out of the flowers and Bambi called him/her flower….I saw his/her face and shyness say, “You can call me Flower if you won’t to.” That little flower that Davis gave to you both is certainly a treasure (well now I am not potty training, so it is easy for me to say), but he sure looked like he would be awesome to snoodle with.
love,
carol
Dear David and Suzanne,
My heart goes out to you both. I am so sorry for you indescribable
loss. I remember what a smart cute kid he was, and it is unbelievable that he is gone.
I also remember what amazing parents you were. So caring and patient and gentle. I care very deeply about you, and I hope you can feel my love.
Carolyn
Dear Suzanne and David,
I am sending my blessings to you three, the triad; so little time has passed, and so many changes you have embraced.
There is a floating, an almost pensiveness, the active listening of our calming hearts.
The two of you soon I will hug with my fleshy arms, while Davis is beaming in as I breathe him like the ten A.M. sun, always rising, always setting…
In your loving community,
Craig
Suzane and Dave,
I have been traveling and just reviewed your message.
I will often fondly remember Davis as a happy, loving man who shared a precious few hours with me. I am grateful.
My gentlest thoughts and deepest prayers for you both.
Travis
Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony . Mahatma Gandhi / Travis Twomey
Suzanne,
As a mother who has lost a son, I am so proud of you for not going away and staying present.
Our boys do not want us to suffer, they want us to be happy and to keep living.
They are “home” now and they are well, happy and with love ones that have passed before them.
They are not alone and they do not want us to be alone.
I am so thankful that you reconsidered and will be with those that love you more than you will ever know…..
If you EVER want to talk, please call…..I do know and understand your sorrow.
Parents are not suppose to out live our children.
What I learned the most when I lost my son was, that they are only on loan to us…
Davis will ALWAYS be around you, you may chat with him when you need to or want to.
I talk to Chris all the time ….
I love you and my thoughts are with you…..
Reabecca
Suzanne and David,
Gosh, don’t know what to say or where to begin.
Love you guys, thinking about you and wishing you peace during a difficult time. Would love to wrap my arms around you and absorb some of your pain.
I wasn’t able to come to the service but Caren Coe said it was magic!
Much love and white light…..
Patti
Dear Suzanne and David –
My prior commitments will leave me thinking of Davis and sending my thoughts, prayers and love to you and everyone else who appears at the memorial – from afar. Please forgive my absence. Had I the opportunity to speak there, I would have shared something along the lines of the following:
David was loud. In every sense of the word, Davis was loud.
Yes, he did, in the literal sense, have a boisterious voice that tended to carry. In fact, if Davis ever told you a secret, the you know that even his whisper was unusually loud and was typically accompanied by a level of pronunciation rarely associated with whispering. But his loudness wasn’t restricted to the volume of his voice.
Davis’ personality was just as loud as his voice. And on some days some might even go so far as to say that his personality came off as overbearing. But that’s part of what made Davis who he was, and part of why who he was was so great. Davis wasn’t put here to sit quietly in the back or to watch patiently on the wayside while others bicker back and forth about who’s going to be calling the shots. No. Davis wasn’t shy about much if anything at all. He certainly wasn’t shy about voicing his opinion. If he had an opinion on something, which, as you know, was more often than not, you were going to hear it.
Davis was both blessed and cursed with the ‘gift of gab.’ On countless occasions I witnessed this ‘gift’ get him into trouble. However, more oftenthan not, much to my dimay, I’d see him use this same ‘gift’ to get himself out of the trouble he just got himself into. Davis was a verbal savant. He could run verbal circles around even the most linguistically talented without breaking a sweat. Even though he didn’t often feel compelled to prove this to his professors, he was very book smart. If you’ve ever spoken with him for more than a few minutes about anything then you know this. His way with words and sense of timing and humor amounted to a charismatic persona that Davis emitted during daily dialogue, which, if you’re like me, not only impressed you, it intimidated you. I often felt frustrated for not having neurons that fired as rapidly as his.
Davis was probably the funniest person I’ve ever spent time around. His humor was unique in that although it was signature to him, it was also contagious. Some people have a laugh that makes you want to laugh. Davis said funny things, said things in a funny way, or sometimes said nothing at all and just made a funny noise that made you want to say funny things, say things in a funny way, or simply make a funny noise to make the both of you laugh. His humor was not only spot on and down right hilarious, it was inviting and it made you want to take part in it. Davis was so funny, that if you spent enough time around him it was inevitable that you would become a funnier person just for having been exposed to his comical demeanor.
The majority of Davis’ jokes weren’t the type that lead up to a climax at a final punch line. Instead they were far more original and spontaneous. Usually he sould simply repeat what you just said in a ridiculous voice or show you his imitation of you in a way that usually wasn’t as offensive as it was just weird and laughable. Before you knew it, the two of you would just be sitting there taking turns being the one who laughs and being the one to take the already ridiculous sentence that he made fun of one step further by saying it in an even more exaggerated way than the last. This would go on until what you were saying back and forth wouldn’t even be a sentence any more. and would instead be something that could only be described as a series of throaty, indecipherable noises. Many of these weird word/noise exhange sessions resulted in some of the all-time greatest inside jokes ever: “never AGAIN!… Quiet stepdad,” “merrrrr,” “miggle-moo,” “a pond upon a pond,” and of course, the crowd favorite, “igga-da-dibba-da-baewl-haewl the dew-baewl, what are you dew-baewling? Aewl fa-shaewl!” … Just to name a few.
Now someone with nothing more than the traits I’ve already mentioned alone would amount to a pretty memorable and outstanding person. But what truly made Davis as extraordinary a human being as he was is that all these parts of him complemented by a much deeper, truer side. There was a part of Davis that I had the opportunity to tap into on countless occasions where I heard him say things of such profound insight that I still come back to them on a daily basis. He could be performing some ridiculous act for you one minute and if the situation called for it the could be discussing the meaning of life with you the very next.
Davis was and is a very old soul. He was always wise beyond his years. There was a part of him that just always seemed to know the right questions to ask. Whether he was asking someone else, himself, or some greater power that he sensed, he was always seeking out the meaningful and truthful answers.
Perhaps what I found to be the most inspiring thing about this depth that he possessed was the lack of fear in his eyes. He was never afraid to find out the truth. He was never scared to seek out the answers. And like his sense of humor, this fearless truth-seeking part of Davis was also contagious. And as a result of having spent time with him, I am not only a slightly funnier person, I’m also a stronger and more curious person who seeks the answers to my own questions with far more courage than I ever would have had I not known Davis.
This aspect of Davis was without a doubt in my mind the loudest part of him. I am most gratful for how loud this part of him was… because as a result, this wonderful part of him will continue to reverberate through me and my actions for the rest of my days.
I love you loudly Davis. I love you loudly.
*******
I regret I was unable to share this with everyone at the memorial, but in my heart I know part of Davis knew this is how I felt about him. And in the end, that’s what is most important to me. I am however, grateful that I had the opportunity to share these feelings with you.
I know that you both feel lucky to have had Davis in your lives as long as you did, but the reality is that he too was just as lucky to have had the time that he did with the two of you. Although I speak of Davis in past tense, in my heart-of-hearts I know that he is no more dead than the memories I have of him. And I know that both of you are just as and even more aware of his presence than am I.
I love you both very much and look forward to staying in touch regularly.
With my loudest love,
Jacob K. Cunningham
Sept 13, 2007
Dearest David and Suzanne,
As my heart goes out to you, so do my thoughts and prayers. Your memorial service for Davis touched me on many levels. I can’t recall that I have ever witnessed such a loving and beautiful gathering.
I was both inspired and guided by the event as well as both of your abilities and presence of mind to elevate everyone’s level of love for those special moments.
The ‘Angel Whisper’ scheduled for the first day of autumn (sept 23rd) is dedicated to Davis and inspired by both of you.
Angelic hugs and butterfly kisses,
Russell Forsyth
———————————————————————————————
Angel Whispers September 2007
From Russell
To be ‘free’ is to be free from the illusion that separates us from All That Is.
Welcome to the Angel Whispers. I’m inspired by my work in the healing arts to learn more about our world in which we live. If you feel inspired, send your word for a whisper. Please forward this e-mail to your friends and family. It’s free!
This weeks Angel Whisper is dedicated to Justin Davis Armistead
Grief
The process of letting go is my definition of the word. I feel like somewhat of an expert on this subject, due in part to the book I have written, called Mariposa. Inside the heart of this writing was my own deep, new perspective on the word and its meaning.
The story about the Graham family and the way they dealt with their grief was something that became a part of me. Call it compassion, sympathy or even pity, it can be hard to detach ourselves from certain events, especially a friend’s loss of their child.
Last night, I attended a memorial service here in Austin, and I am still processing from that event. I guess that’s part of my guidance to write the whisper of guilt. Hey, wait a minute you see my typo? I was talking about grief and in popped guilt. Guilt and grief are so often partners in the range of emotions that surround a loss.
But what I witnessed during last night’s display of closure was a spiritual teaching from the parents who were laying their beloved son to rest. The two of them led us through a soulful journey into the life of this young man. And they did it in a way that created space for all of us to open to the love that surrounded his beautiful life experience, and beyond.
Instead of the typical sadness and ceremony that often accompany a tragic event like this, there was a feeling that this spirit was now being set free to dance around the room. And I think he did just that. As a medium, I was getting my own strong messages regarding his dance of the soul last night. What surprised me was the number of people who came up to me with their own messages from this young man. Everything from “he is thrilled” to “this is the way he wants it” was said to me by perfect strangers.
Grief: Deep sadness as that caused by bereavement: sorrow. In some ways this word was redefined for me last night. I’m not saying there wasn’t or won’t be sadness, but the sadness last night was somehow coated with love and a celebration of life as unique and special as this young man. Bittersweet!
Angels, a whisper please:
Everything that you ever wanted to say to someone can still be said. The unspoken can become a part of the guilt that holds the grief. So for you to truly honor those that you love, you must turn pain into joy, sorrow into acceptance, guilt into forgiveness and life itself into love without end.
There is a reason that you possess the sixth sense. This is so that everyone can communicate without the spoken word. Sometimes this is the purest form, because it emanates from your feelings and therefore the heart.
The mystery surrounding the journey of the soul is part of the dreams and inspirations of men and women, while the essence of the meaning is without doubt. You truly know another soul when you carry them in your heart. Simply allow them to reside there.
To heal grief, first remove all judgments of self and others. Remove all guilt from the past and present. Then, invite the soul that has crossed into your heart for an exchange of communication. Ask for the answers to all your questions. The message you receive is the true nature of your love and loss delivered from Source. You will then know how you can support this soul and yours as you journey together forever.’ ”
Bring joy, ease suffering and create beauty, then dance like you mean it!
Blessings,
Russell Forsyth
russell@RussellForsyth.com
1107 Mariposa Dr | Austin | TX | 78704
Thursday, September 20, 2007 7:08 PM
Suzanne and Dave,
I love you so much. I want you to know that I have shared, again and again, how i was touched by the magnificence of the three of you. You have modeled for me – love. The four letters that has meaning that is only that which isn’t explained, but what is. The room, filled with so many human beings, in our own worlds, were held by you both and I could feel Davis’ spirit shining on us all, with his so beautiful Armistead smile — which is literally from one ear to another.”
I want to tell you also how much you are guiding me to be my Higher Self. When Nathalie and I came to your home, you met us with open hearts and open minds. It causes me to weep in this very moment, in my very little tree house (office). Your lives have literally given me a path to more wholeness.
I can recall coming to the little wood house, Wolf Sittler’s home, and Davis and Dave were on the couch and there was something like Laurel and Hardy on, not sure, but it seems like an old movie. Dave, you and Davis, looked so light with each other and so like ones that were chosed for each other. I am remembering all the times you have all shared about your special movie times together and how you so loved to be family time with each other.
You are such awesome parents that allowed Davis to participate in the world that many children never are able to. You stretched yourselves, financially and emotionally, to allow him to reach his dreams and his ways that he would leave his mark on the world, and so he has.
The eyes are the window to the soul and I believe this more than ever now. As I looked into you both, as you stood so gracefully and present, before us all and held us up as you do, I felt like I was at the feet of GUS (Virginia’s God, Universe and Spirit). Thank you for who you are and for opening you to us.
love love love,
smooch, smooch, smooch
love,
carol
Sunday, September 09, 2007 6:54 AM
Dearest Suzanne and David,
Gary and I are holding you in our hearts, closely, gently.
Love Lisa & Gary
It just occurred to me to share this. Suzanne & David, I think, hope, you would like to know.
I am not a very mystically inclined person, my loss. Those experiences I can count on one hand. So this experience is rare, to say the least, for me.
Justus, & I, had experienced some minor things shortly after Justin had passed away that, I would say, were coincidental. One was when we two were driving a short distance to our neighborhood restaurant for breakfast. An ad on the back of the bus in front of us referred to something about having lost a loved one. We both looked at each other. Justus said at that time that he’d been seeing things like that lately.
This happened the day after the service for Justin, when Justus was coming home on the train, a 29 hour ride, that I saw it.
I was driving back to the office, west, on my lunch hour. I thought to myself, I wonder if I would see another sign. Just as I broadened my gaze, not knowing where to look, it hit me. I couldn’t have missed it. The whole horizon had this “train” of clouds across it, in an otherwise cloudless sky! Same-sized clouds, not connected, in a row, end-to-end. There were no clouds beyond either, just a single row of clouds from one side of the horizon slightly curving around to the other side. It was a few miles long.
I knew it was Justin spiritually sending Justus back to me and his way of comforting me, saying goodbye in the peaceful and loving manner he always had about him. I also felt that I would see no more “signs”. The sky was clear when I left the office later at 5:00.
Hoping you are well,
Barbara
Dear Armistead family & friends:
I just heard about Davis’ passing away all the way here in Europe. My deepest condolences and heart goes out to you. We met in Shanghai along with his buddies while I was studying with Thunderbird MBA after my JD. It was a moving, delightful night … a harvet moon before Davis was going to sing an improvisational rap song in front of hundreds of people. As an expat, he welcomed me into his circle. Since that moment, in China and during our numerous conversations in the US, I can assure you, Davis even though younger than me, acted like an ambassador…one his parents would be proud of. Davis really impressed me with his sparkle of life & congeniality. He understood things were changing in an electrified China before others. He had the vision and courage to pursue his heart in: language, spirituality, and music career. He had a pure heart. I looked at Davis as a young man onto a road less traveled, ready to embark onto great things. He had that special goodness and unique sparkle. Yes, Davis was truly an exceptional person and always spoke highly about you as parents. I feel very fortunate to have known him. I will celebrate his Life and moon light sparkle!
Again my sympathy goes out to all,
God speed…
Robert Fritz
rjfritz99@aol.com
Prague
I known Davis online, but he always sparkled with so much personality and life. Its hard to know that that glimmer has faded, but I’m glad that a bit of the glitter has rubbed off on me. He had inspired me to do things that I wouldn’t dare to otherwise. Davis had a lot to give to the world, and I hope that this would go on through those who had known Davis. My condolences and sympathy to the family. My heart goes out to you as well. No matter how many times have we faced Death, it will never be the same. My prayers would be my only gift I could give to your family.
God speed and Love,
Nadine
I’ve known Davis since we were best friends in kindergarten. I have such gratitude to have had such a person as Davis whose accomplishments as a friend are so very numerous. A few examples of who he was to me must suffice for now.
Davis’s strength in character was always shining through his compassion, wisdom, curiosity, hunger for knowledge, relentless humor, and abundant love, and empathy. Who couldn’t love a kid like Davis? He provided a way for people to be inspired toward an appreciation of the true values in life – what really mattered.
I remember always feeling like a kid when I was with him or talking on the phone for literally hours, taking in all that I could as I know what he had to give was true, full of wisdom, and exciting. He would love to talk and I would love to listen, learn, and ask questions. When did my friend become a mentor? He could help and be so willing to guide in any facet of life.
I think we all would have wanted a little bit of that spirit to be within us and now it is obvious. He is definitely part of me and all of the goals of ours we expressed to one another, I believe, can still happen because he lives inside and will continue to inspire me whenever I am and wherever we imagined being together. Thank you for all you have contributed to our lives.
A week ago, out of the blue, these notices of “chats” came up on my computer. Not being a “chat” person, I didn’t know what it was about at first. Then I realized that Davis had friends that he chatted with who were not aware of his passing, and they were showing up on my computer.
Something that was wonderfully moving for me was to write to these people and introduce myself and let them know of Davis’ passing. David joined me and soon we were “chatting” with people all over the world. It was extremely wonderful.
One especially beautiful experience I had was with a young woman from Malaysia named Nadine. Nadine wrote a poem for Davis and sent it to me. I treasure it and am putting it in the memories for I want to have it close to me, available. She told me that she writes poetry as a way of healing herself, emotionally. Here is what Nadine wrote to Davis.
“I shall watch the sunrise,
Every morning,
As I do when the moon
Blossoms and wanes every month.
The leaves shall always
Be green for you my dear
And the flowers
Ever so vivid.
May my message
Be delivered across
The skies
With the soaring birds.
Your humor and wit,
Shall be your charm,
Your adventures,
A personal legacy
Enlightening us with
Knowledge and wisdom,
Teach us
The pleasures and treasures
That you have found
In Life,
So that
We may keep it alive
And you,
Through it.
‘You make me want to strain
Until I can see the shore’.
That single phrase from a song… Is
What you have made me feel…
It’s how you had inspired me…”
Nadine
Thank you, Nadine, thank you for sharing your heart and soul with us. There is nothing more profound than yours and others beautiful giving of yourselves with us at this time. Your poem gives me such comfort and love, both of my beloved Davis, and you. I hope to meet you face to face some day. Until then, thank you for being in my life this way.
Much Love,
Suzanne
Suzanne,
Thank you so much for sharing the poem with those who cared about him. I hope we get to meet in person.. I want to know how he was.. When he was with you.. I want to know about the Davis you loved.. How he was as your son.. I want to keep as much of him with me as possible..It might be selfish..I don’t know.. If it is I’m sorry
God Bless
Nadine
Let me comment briefly on Davis’ unique and hilarious brand of humor by citing an example that has occured since he died.
A friend has called and relayed to me that not long after Davis died she cleared his name and phone from her computer and mobile phone, only to find soon thereafter it was inexplicably back on both her systems. So, she cleared that data off both instruments again. And this morning she discovered – Davis’ information is – inexplicably – back on there again!
This is exactly the kind of fun trickery he loved and would find totally entertaining.
God bless you Davis and every one of your kind hearted jokes, of which I experienced many.
Loving you,
Your dad,
David Armistead
Here is a memory of Davis during his teaching career in China, which I shared with Suzanne today:
It is an email Davis sent Suzanne from China…
—–Original Message—–
From: LucidThawts@aol.com [mailto:LucidThawts@aol.com]
Sent: Friday, March 05, 2004 7:03 AM
To: sarmistead@spire.com
Subject: Re: FW: Seven Wonders of the World
Hey Muthier!
Yes…! I am actually recieving your letters with all of the little “bundles of Joy” I can feel you’ve attached to them. THANK YOU Skwoodle Boodle!!!! You are the best muthier EVER!
I had a dream about you the other day. I can’t remember a lot of what happened, but I know that the gist of the dream was that I was back at Westlake High School and I kept needing one thing after another for class and stuff. And of course the only person who could help me and consistently pull me through my wierd and tough situations was “YOU” my little sweet MUTHIER! And at one point I told you how much I appreciated it and how you were the only person that could possibly do so much for me! I love you skwoot Boot! And I hope the next time I talk to the Mr. Dude we can chat a little too, so I can tell you about my classes. Also, I’m trying to take pictures of my students in my classes so you can see who, what , and where I’m teaching!
bye bye Skweedle
Love,
-Davis
I think about Davis all the time. I had a dream the night I talked to Suzanne last in Novemeber….
I walked in to a joyous party and there Davis was dressed in a white tuxedo with white shirt, shoes, everything white. He was smiling, I saw him and we just connected, didn’t say a word. Then I turned around and saw Andy Morgan. I walked up to Andy, totally amazed and bewildered, and in broken speech tried to indicate that it was quite amazing to see him and Davis, you know, given that they are dead, or I thought they were. I never really was able to squeeze out a sentence and consequently I was just standing there with my mouth open– only indecipherable garble coming out of my mouth. Andy looked at me with a funny look and was like, “What, dude?” And then turned back to his friends, continuing his life as usual. after this I kind of settled into the reality of their continued existence and just sat on a couch or something and out of the corner of my eye people were gathered around Davis whose arms were flailing about as he mesmerized them with his story. It was like a normal day. It was like everything perfectly normal, like no one thought they were dead. It was so delightful.
I smiled from heart so deeply when I awoke. I think about him all the time.
I love you, Davis.
I loved this Mark… You were always such an amazing writer, and more importantly, friend. I love and miss Davis too, I still think about him all the time too, I miss catching his flagrant-story-telling-hand-gestures out of the corner of my eye too. I love you Mark, good man.
-Jacob K. Cunningham
Dear Suzanne and David:
I added candles to yours on my altar this last week for my friends Jo Rae and Theresa who lost their mom this time last year. I am meeting them in Taos to do ceremony as they spread her ashes along the Rio Grande.
I told them about you and Davis and they were “there” with you even though they don’t know you.
Suzanne, I was reminded of you at Davis’ memorial when I saw a photo Theresa took of herself dancing before the altar she made for her mom.
See you,
xoox,
mags
(added by David Armistead from an email from Maggie Duval)
I have had moments of the deepest love and delight and joy that have taken me into new realizations about my eternal connection with Davis. The love that these moments reflect carries me into an ever strengthening awareness of eternal love and eternal life.
The day he died, I said a prayer from the depths of my soul. The prayer was “Show me how to do this, My Holy One. Does my beloved Davis need my help? What can I do for him? You know, God, that when daddy and Sambo died, I was in shock and thought each time, at age 18 and 25, that they were gone forever. I suffered for 25 years living in that untruth. The pain of that incredible suffering separated me from you, as well as from them, in my own consciousness. I want to stay present to you and Davis with this change, and love like I have never loved before with each of your help. Please, Oh Holy One, show me how to live in complete awareness of my most loving connection to you and Davis. Show me how to honor you and Davis and my life through embracing the truth about death— .”
Since I prayed, my life has shown me the kindest, most loving and magnificent guidance on a new journey in response to my request. I feel closer to Davis than ever before. We are one. The love that comes to me and from me has grown exponentially, to such dimensions that I stretch moment by moment in order to let such grace fill me and change me. I want to share as much of what I am given, as best I can.
Being in these depths I am living in, today, Davis’ presence has brought many surprises as well as jaw dropping moments, a few of which I will share.
One such surprise happened a few days ago when I was returning from LA with David on an airplane. I felt tired, uncomfortable and afraid. The chatter in my head was hard to be with, and I was trying diligently to surrender to find peace. I tried meditating, breathing, writing, and all to no avail. The need to go to the restroom got me up out of my seat to walk to the restroom.
As I walked to the back of the plane, I passed a woman who had a baby boy sitting on her lap. He caught my eye as I passed and grinned at me. His eyes were blue and the size of dimes. As I returned back down the aisle, he grinned at me, again. The thought I had when I passed him was, “make my day you beautiful little spirit.” His smile was so big, innocent and full of love that it immediately shifted my whole reality. I decided to go back to the mommy and let her know how wonderful her little boy was, and how he had made my day.
When I approached her, his big incredible grin was now accompanied with his outstretched arms, reaching up to me. He wanted me to hold him. I told her what I had come to say, and sat down across from her in the aisle seat. She was very open and loving, herself, and when I sat down she lifted him over to me to hold.
I held him and we looked into one another’s eyes. He was so full of wonder and love. My God, he was so full of love. He was grinning at me. He spotted my necklace that Diane and Suzy gave me that symbolizes my love for Davis. E.E. Cummings poem has a poem that I repeat many time daily to Davis called “I CARRY YOUR HEART IN MY HEART”. I wear the necklace all the time. The little boy stared at my necklace. He took it in one of his little hands. He was gentle and didn’t pull, just looked at it with total focus.
I felt nudged to ask her his age. She said he was 11 months old. I then asked when his birthday was, feeling that the words were speaking me rather than me speaking them. Before she answered, I heard the words, “March 12th”. She said, “March 12th”. March 12th is Davis’ birthday.
I felt like I was in a dream, completely in another world, with no past or future, only the moment. It was a moment of knowing that love was with me in the profoundest of ways, that it always had been and always would be. Nothing else existed in that moment. I knew Davis was speaking to me through this beautiful little boy. I heard him with all of me, loving me.
I have many such things happen often to me since I have asked to be aware of my connection to Davis in my heart and God. That same day after we had gotten home, I went to the pet store to get chews for our little puppy named “Flower”. I went over to the ferret cage to look at the ferrets. We had ferrets when Davis was growing up and three of them were with us for 8 years.
Each of us had picked a ferret at different times to bring home. We were all crazy in love with these amazing spirits. They taught us to laugh and play again after some very dark times. I had checked out the ferret cage at this store other times when I went to buy chews. But today, it was different, there were only three in the cage, sleeping. The three who were sleeping were like our ferrets who lived with us. They looked just like Billy, Morgana, and Gandalf. They were the same size and color as our ferrets.
These are two of the amazing experiences that have come to me to let me know that I am connected. I want to be awake to the love I am given in that connection for the rest of my life. I want to live the truth of death that I may live the truth of life. The truth of life and death is Love, and that is my truth and your truth and the truth of all that is. I want to live in that truth from now on, realizing that any seeming interruption or disconnection from this truth is my opportunity to learn how to live further in it.
Thank you, Davis, for joining me in healing myself and also in my commitment to living in love. The truth is that I don’t have to live without you because I love you.
Suzanne
To you, my dearest and nearest beloved Davis,
Today is your birthday. You were born 26 years ago at 11:18pm. I was so excited for you to come. I was ecstatic! You arrived three weeks earlier than the date the doctor figured you were due. I walked for hours to get the contractions started after my water broke. All I kept thinking that afternoon anticipating your arrival was that my life would never be the same, David’s and my life would never be the same.
I was so mesmerized at the thought that we’d be a family of three instead of the two that David and I were. The coming early thing, you always did that. You cleared the way for us, and others as you grew. Your leaving, now has cleared the way into as big a transformation for me in my life as I could have ever known or imagined. Do you know what you have done for me in clearing the way? You have cleared the way of death for me.
I am no longer afraid of of it. I am actually open to it and in wonder about it. My connection with you has prepared me far beyond what I ever knew was possible in knowing death in my heart, and helping me realize the love and friend that it is. That is the biggest transformation for me, as well as witnessing myself having tremendous strength, courage, and love for my life. What incredible depth of life I have come to know through your presence with me, now.
Last night at Hildegirls, Sus asked me to sit in the circle and share more about you with the group. I was joined by Sue, Helena’s mommy. Sue shared about Helena so beautifully bringing her present in such splendor. I shared about you and how I feel closer to you than ever before. It was divine. Again, we all laughed and cried as I shared. We had a wonderful piece of eternity last night with your and Helena’s presence.
Justus called this morning and we talked and cried and laughed in our immense love for you. He remembered it was your birthday. People from all over called me and emailed me all day long loving you and me and your dad, and acknowledging our love for one another and what a gift they have received from knowing us. I was in and out of tears all day.
Dianie took me took lunch and I had a beautiful heart to heart with Maggie about you and how you keep on leading us in showing us how to read the signs to love’s presence in our lives through you. Your dad and I ate sushi for dinner with Steve and Verena in honor of you and saw a movie. It has been a fantastic day of celebrating you in my life with those I love. I love you, Davis, I love you.
Your little frog muthiur
PS one last thing I want to say is that your death has been the grounds of transformation for more people than I can count. We have received countless testimonials in phone calls, emails, face to face of how the memorial service changed their lives and others have shared with us that as they live with us in the aftermath of your leaving, they are seeing what change you continue to bring to their lives in so many, many ways. I know you continue to do this for me. I am grateful, Davis, my little frog son. I love you to infinity.
PPS I was given a frog today by Marsha. Everyone loves the frog stories I tell them about us and how we played teasing one another about looking like frogs. The frog Marsha brought is so happy. It is you, it is you.
Hey Davis…well, it was your birthday. We always used to argue about the fact that I was 6 months older….you made it to the next stage first, so I guess you will always have that before me. I often think of you and Landry…I wrote something in yall’s memory….with love, Suzy Q
She Breathes.
By:
Suzy Dillard
She closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath, felt the air stream into her lungs, inflating them both like two full balloons, one at a time.
She let the air out ever so slowly and with the air she tried to free the tension, the uneasiness, the trepidation, the fear.
All sitting heavily upon her chest and heart this night.
She concentrated on her breath, in and then slowly out, listening for the sound her pursed lips made as they bade farewell to each and every breath. The silence of sadness was far more deafening than the ambient noises around the room tonight.
Back to her breathing.
She can hear the hum of the air conditioning, the flicker of the light, and feel the cool air as it escapes out of the vents, trying to cool the room, hot from her flood of emotions showered upon the stagnant air.
Tonight was tough, however, no more difficult than any other grief stricken night.
Grief. She sits and ponders it purpose. It fills her every inch, her core, her being, her stomach, her throat, her eyes. It even fills her hair.
She sits and wonders when the heaviness will lighten and when the hurt will go away.
They say time heals all wounds.
It’s been months since they passed away, those sentiments echoed around inside her head, for she has heard them from many before and seen the expressions of confusion on the faces of other people around her, when she still mourns.
It has been months, they say, why do you still feel this way?
Another deep breath she draws in and with it the cool air. It is the air of a new beginning, a new outlook, a new emotion, she hopes for
Anything other than grief.
With every new breath she breathes in the hope, the hope that she will one day feel free of sadness and left with gladness that they were a part of her life at all.
Hope. What a funny word in a time of grief. Do hope and grief go together? Do happiness and sadness sit on opposite sides of a forbidden kingdom? Sitting and staring at one another as terminal enemies. Or is sadness a part of happiness? And a price we pay for the ability to feel such joy?
To have known love and lost it…..such a sad truth to our lives here on earth.
To have felt in your inner core, in the depths of your soul that you are a part of the beautiful miracle of life is joyous and happy, but what about when a life that was created is extinguished? What about when a light that has burned so bright in so many people’s lives is blown out too early? What about when that light was someone’s everything, someone’s miracle?
What then do you do when your miracle’s light is extinguished?
Back to the breathing.
She drew a deep cleansing breath bottomless into her soul, in through her mouth and it traveled down through her lungs, filled her every inch and every being….
With the breath she hoped for happiness, resolution, anything other than the sadness and despair that was choking the life from her tired soul and feeble body.
She closed her eyes, and began to drift into a world of dreams where they were still here. And the sadness that now sits as a watch guard to a forbidden kingdom of her heart slowly picks up his things and
step
by
step
walks away…
Freeing her heart and her soul once again.
Grief.
It is a strange emotion, void of devotion to better feelings of happiness, serenity and glee.
But it is an integral part of life. Without grief we would have no happiness. Without sorrow, we would have no glee. Without loss we would have no gifts. Without death, there would be no life. Without tomorrow, there would be no today.
So she sits, with her grief.
Her grief sits with her.
They have become all too well acquainted in this lifetime for her comfort, yet she seeks solace in her grief. She feels alive with her sadness and lost without her sorrow. To abandon her grief… would that mean she has lost the connection with her loss? Day by day her grief shows up throughout her life in different and unexpected ways. Watching a baby smile at his mother might send waves of immense sadness throughout her tired body one day and send a sense of complete joy for the beauty of that child, the next.
Seeing a picture might awaken sadness so deep, deep within her now shallow soul of emotion, shallow from the inundation of tears and lack of room for anything else. Another day that same picture might fill her heart to the brim with delight and joy for the beauty it reminds her of.
Grief.
Sadness.
Hope.
Happiness.
She breathes all four emotions into her every pore. She feels each one differently and unequally.
But she still breathes.
She hopes for a day when she can say goodbye to the
Heart wrenching,
Heart breaking,
Heart stopping enormity of
Grief and sadness
And
Hello to the hope of happiness….
And until then…she breathes.
March 6, 2008
Well, I guess I wrote it more for me and for the one’s of us left behind after yall’s passing…..Julie, Aunt Suzanne, Uncle David….everyone…
Since you passed away your website has been visited 9, 103 times. We come to this site…click on your pictures and read the memories. We love you Davis….over 9,000 times, wow, I hope you know how much you are and were loved….
Always,
Suzy
My Dearest Davis,
At last today, although we have had many conversations these weeks since you left your body behind, I feel I can write. I think of you so often (as always). I savor and treasure our heart connection that needed so little outward display to feel its depth and breadth. How dear and precious your being is and has been in my life since that night you were born.
There are some days that I do miss knowing that I can pick up the phone and hear your voice or plan a time to see you. Every time I think of your smiling face and hear the sound of that voice, reminisce over the profound places our conversations would roam into on the occasions we talked, the ways I kept vigil from afar, hear your laughter, contemplate all the ways small and large that you have touched me leaves me forever richer, wiser and full of joy.
I regret the pain you had to live with in your little body & so wish it could have been otherwise. Yet it is the path you chose somehow – I thank you for the sacrifices you made being here for all of us – all who you love so much. My precious and sweet Davis, I love you with all my heart & feel the comfort of your spirit like a gentle loving softness around me. I am happy you are free at last to expand once more into the hugeness of who you really are. Thank you for being you – all of you – and all the ways you have contributed to my growth. Peace be yours.
Until next time…
Much love,
Reva
Dearest Suzanne and David,
The years since we saw one another have flown away and you are before me now in the shattering force of your love.
You have remained in my heart, unforgettable in the gifts of self and spirit we enjoyed in your friendship.
Whenever we spent time with you and Davis / Justin (as we knew him then), the way that you lived LOVE, GIVING and ACCEPTANCE was luminous and palpable. That is what has always stayed with me. I think of many examples, perhaps David’s generous leadership in the Cub Scouts about the ‘belief’ issue will stand in for all the rest of them. The way you were together was like sitting at a fire. We could bask in it, and share the joy and the sparks, and feel the warmth. It was easy, it was fun, it was deep, it was precious — it was real.
I have thought of you often since then, always with a smile and deep affection. If we’d run into each other again, it would have been with that easy way of old friends, re-kindling what never went away. I always hoped that we would. I still do…
When I learned of your great loss it was almost unbearable to imagine. My heart broke for you. Looking through your site brought many memories and more tears. Most of all, admiration and amazement at the beautiful human being Davis grew to be. Hardly a surprise, knowing you all in formative years, but still an individual miracle. Through this virtual book created in his honour, you bore witness to his awakening to his deepest, truest and most lovely self. I gazed at the wonderful pictures as he grew beyond the years we had known you. Still the same dear faces… his transforming as he claimed all that he was and is. In my heart flowered a pleasure and a sense of satisfaction, in that, even alongside the anguish of learning it only in his passing.
First I wanted just to reach out to you and tell you how much you are still thought of, and share with you my sense of grief and loss. To hold you from a distance. To add one more voice to the community of love that surrounds you.
But now I am on my knees before you. In seeing what you have made of this unimaginable gift, my heart is full of so much more that I can hardly find the words. Oh my dears. Oh, my friends — now become my teachers….! To accept your son’s physical passing from this world with the same “YES” which you brought to his life is just stunning…. the most piercing example possible of how to BE, how to live, how to LOVE with all one’s soul. You touch me to my core. I read your words, and know that what I am witnessing is holy — here is the Burning Bush. I see it blazing — through the cracks of our hearts filled to breaking. How can you GIVE courage and awe, out of an experience like this? Yet you do — and out of these gifts and lessons, out of Davis / Justin’s life, out of your truth and your journey and your sharing — out of your spiritual work in love’s most absolute crucible — we are all gifted with grace.
I see here so many lives, changed forever. To all, namaste.
Yet this gift remains the hardest of all. Too great to carry, at times. Sometimes still there must surely be unimaginable hurt? How can there not be? We are human, our sorrows and joys twist together inextricably. My dearest fellow-parents, David and Suzanne — please know that I see and hold you both in your humanity, as well as in your blazing witness. I would walk with you, on your journey. In the middle of the night I think of you, as well as in the daylight.
My heart cries: please dear God do not give me such a lesson. Please dear God give me one-hundredth of the grace I behold here. Give us all that much. Let each of us see what we truly are, as these pages bear witness: let us know so much of love. What light there would be in the world, if we all could. It would be brighter than the sun.
Words aren’t enough, but they have to do. I hope you feel the love that comes with them.
With tears, humility, hugs, gratitude, sorrow, joy, and most of all and again and always LOVE,
from all our family (Howard, Jeremy, Laura) to you and yours,
Alison
Dearest Alison, Howard, Jeremy and Laura,
What a gift to hear from you. Each word from your and others’ souls lifted in heart and prayer to David and I is in itself a rebirth for us. It really does give us that instant of healing that being one with all is. Thank you for your incredible expression of love to us and for us–all three of us.
Hearing from our Chicago friends, Justus, Nathan, and Simone was a most exquisite moment of gathering, one which we wanted at Davis’ transition. And, now, your powerful and beautiful words of love bring to us a renewed connection with you, and remembering of our lives in Chicago at the Waldorf school and its blessings that are still with us, just not seen with our body’s eyes. It gives our hearts that momentary relief to know you are with us as we are able to live with the full embodied acceptance that he is still with us, we just can’t see him with our body’s eyes anymore.
We feel and know his presence with us continually. There is a closeness he calls to us with that brings this new life into balance. The shift in identity, as well as the stripping us of all that we knew, previously, is what we are learning to live in—-yes, with grace, pure unabashed GRACE. And, here you are, speaking and living right into that with us, all of you.
We send you all our love and gratitude for going with us where many who love us dearly cannot go. Our hearts are filled with the grace you give us and we are healed once again.
In reception of the tears, humility, hugs, gratitude, sorrow, joy, and most of all and again and always LOVE,
Suzanne and David
Allison – I hope you see this note I’m entering to Davis’ memorial site.
First – I want to be understood. Nothing I’m about to say here should be taken as any kind of idea that Davis had to die for me to receive or enjoy any gifts of the Spirit, or that his death is now welcome or a happy thing for me, or is suddenly easy. If I could choose I would my son alive with me again this instant. The experience of his death has been utterly shattering and starkly empty. But as true as that is, and it is, that is not the whole of the truth nor even the largest part, because it is also true that death is nothing like anything I was raised or trained to expect, and every idea I had about it is being stripped away in the experience of standing present within it.
To all who visit here, I am grateful for Allison’s deep, loving and kind words of encouragement given above. They flow, I know, from her whole amazing family of light – Howard, Laura, Jeremy too. And there are many others. I am grateful for the continuing flow of kindness and affirmation – love – from all our wonderful family and friends throughout the world who reach out to us here, from Chicago land, from Tribal territories, from California and New Mexico, from Turkey and Malaysia, from Lubbock and Midland, it goes on…..
Mirroring this flow of uplifting love from outside, I want to share that I continue to receive deep connection internally with Davis, who reminds me frequently to let go of my notions of time and history and form with which I’ve previously packaged my experience of him, because these inner structures and preconceptions constrain the scale and scope of our contact.
He reminds me also to look to love, to choose love in every moment, over any other thought or idea or orientation, because that is where I will find him – and more. And when I do he is always there with me, ever more present.
Death is nothing like what I expected. Nothing is as I understood it. I have no understanding of it.
It is a great transforming. And in the endless silence and emptiness I find opportunity to place every mistake of the past, every regret, every sorrow, every unloving choice – into the grief, and there, in the presence of that deep empty silence, all these are being transformed into a simple inner quiet and peace, into Love. Love is what is real.
Davis brought me a dream gift a few months ago. In it I came awake, dreaming in a formless place. Davis was with me as presence, and I was in a conversation with God. I asked God how could I withstand this loss without a bottom? I asked God how I could encompass and integrate this experience of endless pain? I asked God to show me the Grace, to enable me to stand present to that to which He has delivered me.
He responded. He granted me, instantly, a deep inner change within my heart and being, in my body, in my heart, and this change opened my heart in some endless sort of way, and gave me infinite space there to hold Spirit and Davis’ presence, and death – all at once in healing. And He told me He wanted me to change in this way, so that I may receive the blessing of life in death and death in life, as well as many other things of which I have no understanding. And in that change, which was wholly unexpected, I found acceptance and an inexpressible wholeness that includes everything.
Then God told me even that was not enough, that He wanted me to continue to change in that deep way always and forever, in every moment, always, because in that Way my soul could expand to accommodate the infinity that is Spirit, and the vastness of His Presence in the emptiness of my loss.
I saw then how much I have missed by resisting this kind of continual deep change, and how much of Davis I have missed before now because of resisting. And I repented and opened to this gift. But doing this always and forever seemed at the time utterly overwhelming.
Then I recalled something that had happened to me a few weeks before Davis’ death, and which went by so quickly it was almost completely unnoticed by me at the time.
A few weeks before Davis died, early one morning, I went walking in the beauty called Bull Creek with my mentor and teacher – Bob F. As we walked I told Bob I had never seen him act in a way that was anything less than open, honest, sincere, loving and kind. He said his teacher had told him that if he wanted to be saintly he had to act saintly, so he did. I said this kind of uplifted behavior was very hard for me to do all the time, and that I admired him deeply for being able to do it. He replied that it was not as hard I thought because I didn’t have to do it all the time, I only had to do it right now…..
Drawing on this, when I awoke from the dream of Changing, I saw God desires me to open to all of Life, including death, and that He wants me to choose every moment to turn to Love and not to get lost in anything less. And I saw that I only need to do that right now.
So I am finding this Way of choosing Love, new in each moment. And on this Way I am find healing, not so much as something done but more as just a discovering of what is real. It more a letting go than a getting. It is more a relaxing than a doing. Love is what is real, and resting in that right now, I am beginning to find connection, Grace, transformation, and instruction.
For these I am so grateful.
At the memorial service I shared a reading called The Mystery. That Mystery is what Davis seeks now to show me. That is the initiation here. And somehow standing present to That I am gradually finding the emptiness is filled with an inner spaciousness and peace, with enough room in the love to take in the loss and pain inside Infinity.
I am grateful to each of you for every kindness. As I said at the memorial – I have never felt so empty and so full at the same time. And you make it so much easier.
be blessed….
David Armistead
Allison – I hope you see this note I’m entering to Davis’ memorial site.
First – I want to be understood. Nothing I’m about to say here should be taken as any kind of idea that Davis had to die for me to receive or enjoy any gifts of the Spirit, or that his death is now welcome or a happy thing for me, or is suddenly easy. If I could choose I would my son alive with me again this instant. The experience of his death has been utterly shattering and starkly empty. But as true as that is, and it is, that is not the whole of the truth nor even the largest part, because it is also true that death is nothing like anything I was raised or trained to expect, and every idea I had about it is being stripped away in the experience of standing present within it.
To all who visit here, I am grateful for Allison’s deep, loving and kind words of encouragement given above. They flow, I know, from her whole amazing family of light – Howard, Laura, Jeremy too. And there are many others. I am grateful for the continuing flow of kindness and affirmation – love – from all our wonderful family and friends throughout the world who reach out to us here, from Chicago land, from Tribal territories, from California and New Mexico, from Turkey and Malaysia, from Lubbock and Midland, it goes on…..
Mirroring this flow of uplifting love from outside, I want to share that I continue to receive deep connection internally with Davis, who reminds me frequently to let go of my notions of time and history and form with which I’ve previously packaged my experience of him, because these inner structures and preconceptions constrain the scale and scope of our contact.
He reminds me also to look to love, to choose love in every moment, over any other thought or idea or orientation, because that is where I will find him – and more. And when I do he is always there with me, ever more present.
Death is nothing like what I expected. Nothing is as I understood it. I have no understanding of it.
It is a great transforming. And in the endless silence and emptiness I find opportunity to place every mistake of the past, every regret, every sorrow, every unloving choice – into the grief, and there, in the presence of that deep empty silence, all these are being transformed into a simple inner quiet and peace, into Love. Love is what is real.
Davis brought me a dream gift a few months ago. In it I came awake, dreaming in a formless place. Davis was with me as presence, and I was in a conversation with God. I asked God how could I withstand this loss without a bottom? I asked God how I could encompass and integrate this experience of endless pain? I asked God to show me the Grace, to enable me to stand present to that to which He has delivered me.
He responded. He granted me, instantly, a deep inner change within my heart and being, in my body, in my heart, and this change opened my heart in some endless sort of way, and gave me infinite space there to hold Spirit and Davis’ presence, and death – all at once in healing. And He told me He wanted me to change in this way, so that I may receive the blessing of life in death and death in life, as well as many other things of which I have no understanding. And in that change, which was wholly unexpected, I found acceptance and an inexpressible wholeness that includes everything.
Then God told me even that was not enough, that He wanted me to continue to change in that deep way always and forever, in every moment, always, because in that Way my soul could expand to accommodate the infinity that is Spirit, and the vastness of His Presence in the emptiness of my loss.
I saw then how much I have missed by resisting this kind of continual deep change, and how much of Davis I have missed before now because of resisting. And I repented and opened to this gift. But doing this always and forever seemed at the time utterly overwhelming.
Then I recalled something that had happened to me a few weeks before Davis’ death, and which went by so quickly it was almost completely unnoticed by me at the time.
A few weeks before Davis died, early one morning, I went walking in the beauty called Bull Creek with my mentor and teacher – Bob F. As we walked I told Bob I had never seen him act in a way that was anything less than open, honest, sincere, loving and kind. He said his teacher had told him that if he wanted to be saintly he had to act saintly, so he did. I said this kind of uplifted behavior was very hard for me to do all the time, and that I admired him deeply for being able to do it. He replied that it was not as hard I thought because I didn’t have to do it all the time, I only had to do it right now…..
Drawing on this, when I awoke from the dream of Changing, I saw God desires me to open to all of Life, including death, and that He wants me to choose every moment to turn to Love and not to get lost in anything less. And I saw that I only need to do that right now.
So I am finding this Way of choosing Love, new in each moment. And on this Way I am find healing, not so much as something done but more as just a discovering of what is real. It more a letting go than a getting. It is more a relaxing than a doing. Love is what is real, and resting in that right now, I am beginning to find connection, Grace, transformation, and instruction.
For these I am so grateful.
At the memorial service I shared a reading called The Mystery. That Mystery is what Davis seeks now to show me. That is the initiation here. And somehow standing present to That I am gradually finding the emptiness is filled with an inner spaciousness and peace, with enough room in the love to take in the loss and pain inside Infinity.
I am grateful to each of you for every kindness. As I said at the memorial – I have never felt so empty and so full at the same time. And you make it so much easier.
be blessed….
David Armistead
Dear Hearts,
Although you’ve designed this memorial for friends and family, you will see that you have them everywhere, some you’ve not met. I am one…for the time being.
I thank you for this message, and recall my own Zachary who died at 16. He would be 25 in June. Sometimes I see him riding his bike and wonder what he is doing where I see him. I suppose he is always here, just as your boy is for you.
The profound expression of your community is so full of gentle love and warmth, and I cannot possibly contribute at any deeper place than the heart that we all share as one.
Know that I am sharing mine with you, as you have obviously done with so many others. Through your generosity, courage, and love, light will pour in to places you will least expect it.
My remaining children have turned me on to so many precious things, and I never take for granted one child who will always be special…and each of us was once someone else’s little baby.
May you find the comfort of your gifts as they continue to enter your world..and ours.
With much love and respect,
Sherry
Beyond The Grey Sky
It is a gift I know
A moment of bliss that we hold
A firecracker flash of light then on
To the next plane soul remain
Come along if you dare
It’s gonna be that you’re scared
Lovely life I thank you
For the reason to see the pain through
Light a candle for the dead
The wick is burning returning what we have
It’s who we are
We’ll reach you if you’re beyond the furthest star
Don’t give up the fight to stay alive and even if
you have to
Find the reason of another’s pain if they lose you
If not for your self then those around who care
like I do
One day you’ll see the clear blue
Beyond the Gray Sky
Light a candle…
The wick…
It’s who we are…
One day you’ll see the clear blue
Beyond the Gray Sky
I can’t believe you didn’t call
What made you want to end it all
Wasn’t there something I should have tried
To help you see beyond the gray sky
Loving Friends,
Suzanne, I had the most amazing day with you and Davis today. As you know I have been involved with filming on a pilot show about Angel Readers and just before filming started yesterday, I read this blog for the first time and was overwhelmed as the cameras entered my house. Like the last posting from Sherry, it is hard to add to the beautiful expressions of love found in these pages.
This site speaks volumes about Davis and his parents. My addition at this time is in the form of music. Today when we met, I felt as if I was being pushed to communicate for Davis and he wanted music instead of words. Before I post the words to this song though, I want you to know that the teachings of today’s messages were profound and far-reaching. From ‘the memories may fade, but the feelings of those memories are eternal’ to seeing your future as ‘one that includes Davis’, as well as ‘my father helped me transition with his love and understanding in that moment’, had healing effects and emotional empowerments that I will carry for the rest of my days. It shows that Davis is a leader with a heart and someone we must follow even if that structure is a mystery.
The song that I recently wrote is titled ‘Her Beating Heart’ The idea and inspiration behind the music speaks to the one common link that we all share in the human experience….the mother’s heart. That link lives with you, David, and Davis forever and translates into the meaning of love and life itself. Thank you for being open to receiving as I have dedicated this song to Davis. As I write this I am realizing that it was conceived on or around his birthday.
Her Beating Heart
He lays his body down
in his mother’s arms
and listens for the sound
of her beating heart
Is there more to life
than this moment right now
Is there more to a life
than feeling the sound
of the mother’s heart
her beating heart
The child makes a noise
his expression of love
then fills with the joy
from the mother above
Is there more to life
than this moment right now
Is there more to a life
than feeling the sound
of the mother’s heart
her beating heart
He opens his heart
to feel divine
the outside world soon departs
the soul that shines
Is there more to life
than this moment right now
Is there more to a life
than feeling the sound
of the mother’s heart
her beating heart
the mother’s heart
blessings of joy with angels hugging,
your friend
Russell Forsyth
Dear Sherry,
Thank you for your love for Zachary and how it has you reaching out to us. The poem is exquisite and requests of me that I read it over and over and over as each time I do, I find a new connection to my own soul’s response. There is much for me in it, thank you.
Art does this for us, enabling us to speak the unspoken. Poetry is such a gift. It says so much in speaking to the mystery that the God side of ourselves can only say, and may not be uttered, otherwise. Your poetry is a beautiful “beating heart” to your son. I am grateful for you reaching out to share your love with me and David.
May your life continue to express itself with Zachary’s presence, and the beautiful poetry you give to all of us and the world from your ever deepening love for and with him,
Suzanne
[The following is quoted from Carol Waid’s blog at the “Truth Be Told” site, where you can see much more about love, and read her full column detailing her important work with women in prison. – David Armistead] (see her full column at: http://www.truth-be-told.org/story.asp?i=24)
by Carol Waid, Founder and Director of Beyond Bars Program
“Love can build a bridge, between your heart and mine. Love can build a bridge. Don’t you think it’s time? Don’t you think it’s time?”
I attended a memorial service for 25-year old Justin “Davis” Armistead. Davis is the son of our co-founder and dear friend, Suzanne Armistead, and her husband Dave Armistead.
Under a brilliant sapphire sky, the Wildflower Center was baptized in magic and mystery; open hearts, Crocodile size tears and laughter, expressed that which cannot be explained. Davis’ life and death had built a bridge from one heart to another, calling us to cross over that which separates us: fear of being vulnerable. Suzanne and Dave stood in their grief and modeled the elegance of grace, inviting us to experience the mystery.
At the end of the service, I floated into one embrace after another, growing lighter and brighter. It was/is time for me to receive a new understanding of how death and birth hold hands.
[from the Chicago Waldorf School Newsletter of sept 19, 2007, section: ‘Community Announcements,’ p.3, http://www.chicagowaldorf.org/file_download/382%5D
“Justin Davis Armistead passed away on Septermber 5, 2007. Justin was a student in our school… a member of Kathy Matlin’s class in Grades 1-6 during the mid-1990s. …Those of us who knew him when he was here remember his deep love of his pet ferrets.”
[from Justus Lidl’s MySpace page at: http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=4569767&blogID=307626180 – David Armistead]
Friday, September 07, 2007
Justin Davis Armistead
Current mood: crushed
Category: Friends
This is just a message to Davis. Rest in peace. You and I had spent most of our adult life together. You taught me so many things, not only about myself, but about the people and situations that are/were surrounding me everyday. You always looked at the bright side, never a negative moment. I will love you, and think about you for as long as I live and breathe. I matured with you. I grew with you. You were the reason I grew in many cases. There are so many things I never expected to do in my lifetime that just because I was in your presence I was able, and willing to do. I honestly don’t think I will ever have that kind of courage again. You were my best friend. My partner in experiences. There will never be words that could describe my love and appreciation for you. Till we meet again in another life.
Your ever-loving friend, Justus.
Justus,
I remember how he loved you, dearest friend/little/big brother. He loved the year and a half you spent in China, together and San Fran, too. He cried one day with happiness sharing with me how he loved to go to the market each day in Shang Hai to pick out the fish he would cook for y’all for dinner. He loved the cooking for y’all and the structure of doing what he loved, daily. Then, off to the clubs with you for the opportunity to deejay and “wrap” his improv music for the openhearted and hungry gathering of folks who listened and received it all with excitement. His plan was to return there, as you know, hoping you would join him, again, and bring others to join the two of you for the incredible world change happening there. He was always ahead of the game, wasn’t he?
There was much more that he loved about your friendship, not the least of which was your unconditional love and acceptance of the struggle he had come to know. He loved how you brought out in him and others the kindness, brightness, and acceptance you have such a way of doing. He was your mirror, Justus, and he knew that, and was so grateful to you for your allowing him to share what he naturally seemed to know. You were the brother that I couldn’t give him. It makes all of my efforts to have other children and not be able to—PERFECT. He had the brother he so very much wanted— in you, and your friendship, and he knew it and told me, often. We were happy about that, together.
Your story, telling me how you got the job at Whole Foods in Chicago, having watched how Davis got hired by Whole Foods in San Francisco, is a monument to the courage and maturity you live and breathe, daily, since Davis’ passing. It is also the utmost expression of your alive and present eternal connection with him, within you.
Precious, wonderful, Justus, I am so grateful for the love and gifts you gave to Davis. Your honesty and natural ability to let him give to you his gifts was paramount in his love for you. He knew how much you appreciated him, and it kept him going in untold ways. I love you, Justus, and look forward to watching you continue to grow and shower the world with your humility, kindness, and soft and unconditionally loving nature to all as you have to my son.
Suzanne
Russell,
I am opening in my heart as completely as I can, that I may come to the moment when I may be able to speak my deepest gratitude for the depth of love and knowing that your song has given me. How could you have known that for the first year of Davis’ life I napped daily with him. He slept on his tummy on my heart? Pure ecstasy.
In order to do this,I am going to the creek, first. The wind will give me direction. The water will wash away the illusion of the moment. The trees will rock my soul with their magnificent swaying. The smell and sight of the flowers will immerse my spirit in the arms of Mother Earth, giving me a place in which to be held. I will rest in the belly of the surrounding rocks that hold my connection to my Mother’s heart. Your song guides me to cherish and fulfill my reception of your gift in this way, for now.
Thank you Thank you Thank you,
love,
Suzanne
In a day or two, invitations will be going out via email for
Moving Love: A Mother’s Transformation of Grief from Darkness to Light.
This is an inspiration that came to me a couple of months after Davis’ passing. Finding myself in moments that were unsurpassed in emotional pain, and wavering in my ability to be present to them, my friend said something to me that opened my heart and shifted me to a new awareness.
I had told him that having a child was the transformation of my life. I had learned to love unconditionally, and that no matter what difficulty showed up in my life in his growing up, no matter how traumatic or severe, what I was aware of was how much I loved him. There were times that I didn’t like what was going on, and even if I felt helpless, stupid, incapable, selfish, anxious, angry and afraid, those emotional moments that can wipe out love’s presence, I was still aware that the love I had for him was strong, alive and in all of me.
Here are the notes I took from what my friend said. “Remember the love
and fulfillment I had when Davis was born—the love that a creator has for his art. Pray for that love and creativity to my Creator, saying, ‘help me to be like you.’ That’s what I am praying for, now, to have that again.”
This conversation and prayer came from an answer to a prayer that I prayed two months earlier on the day that Davis died. I asked God to help me live with Davis in my heart forever, consciously, and to know what that looked like. I wanted to know and love God as well, no separation. I hadn’t had that experience when my dad and brother died 30 years earlier, I had rejected and hated God and used it as proof that God didn’t love me.
When Davis passed, I was a mature woman having lived a life of seeking God, learning to stop the blame and suffering. I now was committed to living in and with God, in love, with Davis, forever. The way I have been learning to do this has come about in these last 11 and one half months of opening my heart and soul to the grieving process to be healed by God’s presence. I am accepting more each day that my life is here to be lived the most sincerely and preciously that I possibly can with my Creator. I want to honor, love and hold in the holiest way I can, my relationship with God. Davis’ life and death has brought me yet another step further in knowing and living this.
The production of Moving Love… is the love and creativity I prayed for in wanting to accept Davis’ death with love, and to learn what living with him in my heart forever meant. I am choosing to be healed in the face of his death, rather than die. Davis’ life and death can only really be lived, authentically by me in my art, the art that has saved my life over and over in countless challenges. It is self-expression through movement.
Art heals. As I write those words, I feel dizzy with the reality of what I am saying. Moving Love is the self-expression through movement of the unconditional love I have been given. Now, may I give it back.
If you are interested in attending Moving Love, please let me know.
I love you, Davis. I love you, God. I love.
Suzanne
Its been a tough year since Davis left us all. As I was sitting there, on the 5th of September 2008, I sent a prayer up to God, asking Him to take care of him for us. It might not be long before I shall join him as well. Suzanne, I wish with all my heart that I could attend Moving Love and share it with you and David. I requested for my church community to have a special prayer for him and I hope he received it, for he has given us love without looking for it to ever be returned. Suzanne, as I have expressed before, on the chat we had on MSN, I wish to be able to get to know him more, so please email me on blubabe_devilz@yahoo.com ( it will be very much appreciated)
Davis, you were amazing, you still are. You have made our lives a lot more better than what it is. I don’t know if that is true of everyone who has known you, I’m sure it is. But, you have made my life one heck of a good one. Remember, when we wanted to travel to Japan together? This time I shall go and bring you with me, in my heart. Or, maybe you are already there =)
With all my love to the Armisteads,who has shown me love in all its beautiful form.
Thank you God, for letting me know him.
Yours,
Nadine Dargham
I miss Davis because when he walked into our pharmacy, he brought all the light of the Universe in with him. — Vicki Bell
I hope he will have a peaceful life in another world, he was truly a great guy!
Hello Mr. Popular Davis. Well, I just thought I would check in and see how many times your page has been visited….well…the verdict was 10, 000 times!! Ten Thousand times Davis! Oh how you were and are still loved. Quite the popular guy you are! Hope you are having fun wherever you might be at this moment. With love, Suzy
I am writing on this website for the first time since we produced Moving Love at One World Theater in Austin. I remember checking it to see if there were any entries but seeing none and feeling not up to writing on it myself, I went away.
I want to speak about my experience of that evening, the constant miracles of the months leading up to it, and all I can remember to share the healing that resides.
In doing so, I first want to say thank you to Nadine, Vicki, Kelly and Suzy for leaving a reply on this site. The tears of joy that come in reading your replies are in themselves deep connections for me to both you and Davis. I am very grateful. Thank you with much love and gratitude for living a new awareness of grief with me and David and Davis.
If I am repeating myself in this sharing, please hang in with me, and, if need be, forgive me. I have written quite a bit since Davis’ passing and am interested in bringing forth the new, but may include that which has already been said in an effort to help myself remember the events I want to speak of.
I want to tell you about how this came about. I had an Angel reading with Russell my dear friend and Angel reader “dude” as Davis would say. Russell is a kind and loving, deeply intuitive, open and non-judgmental presence who loved David, Davis and I after his meeting us all at the memorial service given in Davis’ honor. His “angel” wife, Beckie, is my close friend whom I met at Hildegirls. She sang with my HILDE sisters at the memorial service, bringing Russell to the memorial that evening.
Russell was touched, very moved by the service as were many, and offered David and I a complimentary reading. When I went to have the reading, he met me at the front door of his home with a big smile on his face asking me if Davis was persistent. He asked if Davis could enroll anyone in his plans, and did they feel it was their plan when he finished. He asked many more questions of which I answered “yes”.
Russell, who had never met Davis in body, was sharing with me about his meeting him across the veil. I had thought I was going to an Angel reading that was going to help me get through this next year of my life without Davis. I am so glad I was surprised differently.
Russell said that Davis wanted me to know that he was very happy and at peace. He also said that Davis said he wasn’t going to leave me until he and I both knew, together, I was okay. OKAY??? what in the world could that mean?? All I knew was that I had a layer of love surrounding me that helped me at that moment stay alive.
I was in shock. I could barely get out of bed, not knowing day to day how to take each next step. But, each next step was taking me –with the love and genteel I thanked Spirit for daily. David, family, the Hildegirls, friends, dreams, our little dog, Flower, sunsets, books, meditation, prayer, sleep, Dr. Morguelan and the Energy, long walks in nature——all was holding me near, dear, wrapped in a new awareness that I was being healed by being put back together.
At the time of his death, I was stripped down to being the observer of an illlusion. I didn’t know this. I just knew that who I had been until that moment was no more. The identity I had lived, thinking I was, gone.
I told Russell that I didn’t want to hold Davis back from all of the wonder and fabulousness that he must be in NOW. He was no longer in pain, living in peacefulness and happiness. How could God give a greater gift to a soul who had suffered with pain in his body, soul, and spirit for most of his embodied life, being as true to himself as he could be while he dealt with shame and embarrassment of addiction to pain killers, which incresed the pain of the arthritis that crippled his spine? I watched him do this while doing his very best to love everyone and himself with humor and adventure, music and playfulness? I didn’t want to be in his way of being FREE of that suffering.
Russell told me that Davis was now mulitdimensional and was not held to one place having let go of his body, and could help me and still do what was there for him.ff Hearing that, I said, I said, “Well, I”ll take all the help I can get, then!” I meant it with every atom of my energy and every cell of my body. I felt open and grateful.
Then, the most amazing thing happened. I opened my mouth and spoke the words that I was going to do a performance and express with all of the love within me how Davis had taught me unconditional love. It would be on the first anniversary of his death, September 5, 2008. I had no idea what it would take. I knew, though, that I was going to do it, in fact, it was a done deal, already. Don’t know how I knew. Just knew.
After that moment, there were many moments of questioning myself. What was I was thinking? I WASN’T THINKING, THANK GOD!!!!!!! I was listening, and in my heart and soul, I knew it was Davis’ prompting having me do what my life’s work is—self expressive movement—-art—-for healing the whole person—-healing myself to wholeness.
People came forward to “volunteer” their support. Magnificent artists who are healers in doing their art. Beckie came forward first. She has the art of management. She said she wanted to produce the event. She made the cue cards and sat in front of me the who 2 hours keeping me on time, and reminding me of what I wanted to say through improvisation. Russell joined her. Having done production for t.v. for years, they were the perfect first step.
Russell played the crystal bowls that symbolized the seven steps of the spiritual journey, coinciding with each chakra. Each bowl has a tone also coinciding with teach chakra. Russell also brought his band and they played the song that he wrote for me around Davis’ birthday.
David joined me, having been a pillar of strength in his presence and desire to participate from the moment he heard I wanted to do it. He was the narrator, an eloquent, fantastic, grounding and clear presence. He told the TRUTH of which I had no words for and moved from the inside of myself OUT. He was the bridge that connected the audience to body movement of our joint spirits with Davis. The three of us created a paradigm shift in transforming grief from darkness to light. David and I, together, through our own artistic mediums —-his dreams of Davis’ presencing himself, plus his speaking and writing, as well as my movement, writing, and listening to Davis’ guidance within me—–created our spiritual journey that paralleled Davis’ life.
Shortly after Russell and Beckie stepped forward to help, Susan Lincoln and Craig Toungate, two of Austin’s most beloved and talented musicians stepped forward to join the Moving Love production. Susan brought the Hildegirls, whom she founded 10 years ago, an acapella singing group who heal with the voices of angelic song and spirit. Fifty of the 75 came to join our production. Craig brought his expert song writing, performing, and discernment to the musical repetoire.
I got kicked off. So, I am here to complete my message. Many more stepped forward. Sherry Scott handled invitations which rang my and David’s bell from the beginning. We offered the performance as a free gift to family and friends. David and I had no idea if 5 or 50 would show up. The other producers told us it would be a sellout.
The months came and went with myriad miracles daily for all of us. The emotional aspect was compelling for all of us. From each one of us individually to the group we all dealt with the darkest night of the soul to bring ourselves awake and conscious to living the love that this process offered us. It was extremely challenging, for we are trained in our culture to avoid and ignore our mortality. Living Davis’ life and death for David and I readily brought forth our offerings to forgive ourselves and each other, while the others faced their own challenges with great dignity, also.
We worked together with love and guidance from each of our own inner interiors as we came together and committed ourselves to the miracle that this show was offering us and those who would participate. It was a miracle. In August, three weeks before the performance evening, we were realizing that the venue we had booked was not what we wanted.
Russell remembered me saying that I saw myself on a “stage with my head and face surrounded in darkness”. The venue we had booked didn’t offer this. Russell went to the research table and called several theaters in town. Only three responded, one of which was Deborah Avren at One World Theater. Deborah had only one weekend open–September 5th.
Through her commitment to us as well as her own spiritual experience in grieving the loss of her beloved husband, and seeing the power that this event could offer to all who attended, she worked a deal out with Russell that we could do!! It was a dream come true.
At the same time, Sherry had sent out invitations to 700 plus people and the theater held 300 max. In two days, we were sold out and had a waiting list. We had emails, calls, and letters of love from friends and familly and friends of family. People were so ready to join us in celebrating Davis’ life and were open to what in the world this could be!!
Dr. Morguelan, who is our doctor and chi master from LA, was helping David and I move through daily dark nights of the soul, and guiding us to see this paradigm shift of darkness to light. His amazing mentoring, as well as his sending us the 5,000 year old energy he works with for healing, was in full swing showing us that we were astounding ready to make our own conscious leap of faith into the unknown—-now, and that most astonishing of all that we had been ready all along.
Our eternal love for our son, Davis, had transformed our lives, and over the first year of grieving his leaving this plane, we had started a creative and loving integration of oneness with him that our lives were being lived from—-heart to heart and soul to soul—–ONENESS in Spirit forever.
That evening was magical and wonderful and full of love’s loving all. We received a standing ovation when we came out before the show began. We started the show 15 minutes early because every person was there and ready to start. We ended it 15 minutes early with a standing ovation from the most present and loving audience I’ve ever been in to the recording of the song by John Lennon called “Love Is”.
People had their arms outstretched into the air and were moving and singing as we ended. We had angels who raised money for the filming of the event by Lava Productions led by Grace Lanni, and a most incredible photographer, Jeremiah Cunningham. Some of the photos can be seen on MovingLoveProductions.com, and the ending video sequence with people singing and moving to John Lennon’s “Love Is” can be seen too.
The miracles that led us to this moment and since have been continuing. The love that is healing our hearts also moves us forward with more work to do that Davis joins with us in producing. We love all of you who attended, who wanted to attend, and who are reading this website. Our love for our son moves us to bring forth an ever present creativity that is divinely inspired and heals us and those who wish to join in.
I end with a quote from Emily Dickinson that our niece and one of Davis’ favorite people gave me in a card. “Unable are the loved to die, for love is immortality.”
I love you, Davis.
Suzanne
PS We don’t die. We live on forever.
Hi Davis –
I’m taking this little opportunity to give you some public thanks and recognition for the miracles you are working in so many lives, and for the love and beauty I have come to know with you. I’m very aware right now of how long (forever) we’ve been so closely linked, and how our connection will never end. And I’m grateful for it. I’m so deeply and profoundly grateful.
Here’s a note – Scott and Bryan at Lava are strongly encouraging me to dig up your music master recordings. They want to produce and release your CD! Help me find the songs.
lots of lovelovelove to you amazing Davis
David
Hi Davis,
The last few days have been rocky. As I enter into the holidays, I find that the longings of love and celebration of that love feel harsh to me instead of soothing. I wonder if I ever have reached for the truth in times like this.
For instance, as a little child, the lights of Christmas, the tree, the presents under the tree, the caroling—-all was very magical, a dream that visited me and stirred my desire to make real something that wasn’t.
As an adult, this all speaks to me of an instant that is over before it begins. There is no truth in it that comes from within me, and so I am reaching in this message to you straight into my heart to receive that which I seek.
It is 4am. I awoke at 3 and couldn’t go back to sleep so I got out of bed to check this website. What I have found is that you have brought me here to write and find my way home.
I am learning to forgive myself. It is something I have had no awareness about for most of my life. I am now learning to do it. The message in my world is to choose LOVE. Forgiveness brings love and love brings forgiveness. It is crucial that I learn this for I am promised that I will see differently and the fear, guilt, regret and remorse will disappear.
I know you brought me to the computer tonight. I know you have spoken to me and brought me many awarenesses over the last week. They have been an uncovering of the buried pain and guilt that I’ve chosen to listen to just recently that seemed to block the LOVE. I say “seemed to block the LOVE” because if I know one thing, it is that LOVE is all powerful and eternal and nothing can take it away. So, blocking it is just an illusion.
Forgiveness. I am learning to forgive myself for choosing to let the thoughts that carry the guilt and pain, and that seem so true and real, have a voice. I am frankly just now learning that I have a choice in following these lies or not. For all of my life, I felt like a victim of this kind of assault. Now, I am learning that I am no victim. I have a choice to not listen. This seems so small, but it may just be the biggest realization I have ever had.
I know you struggled with this. I know that this is why you have been so present in my heart speaking to me, and guiding me, lately. You have seen how much I struggle with this, and you know it is a terrible waste of life.
The healing with my Hilde Sisters, yesterday, was a great and profound circle of love that helped me come out of an avalanche of pain, guilt and fear that was tumbling down upon me. I saw how very much all love me, and how very much I love them, but I realized that if I didn’t forgive myself for listening to the lies the voices were telling me, that I couldn’t receive the love being showered on me, nor could I give the love I so very much wanted to return.
I see I was giving attention and energy to something that is not real. Only love is real. I have been learning this since you passed. I forgive myself, and thank you for guiding me in this healing. I am here to forgive myself. Forgiveness allows me to know love, and to be who I truly am—-love.
I love you so much, Davis, thank you for showing the way to God,
Suzanne
I have much to share and much I want to say. This memorial website of Davis is the place that draws me and calls me to write. I am not inclined to write on my own website or the Moving Love website. I love that I have them, but this website is where I am called and I answer the calling with no hesitation.
It is my hope that anyone who reads this may receive awareness and resolution, if wanted, toward healing from the passing of a loved one. And, if this is not the reason for coming here, whatever the reason is, I am grateful that you are taking the time to be with me, and your deepest self in this way.
Perhaps the memories you have of Davis that are triggered by coming here, or meeting him, virtually, through my writing will give you laughter, joy, and lightness of heart. This is my reason for coming here and writing. I may begin in struggle but I have left and continue to leave after writing each reply with the miracle of grace taking me home.
Today, I want to share about a Moving Love event that happened Saturday, January 24th at my sister’s home. She has a lovely old home on an acre of land with trees and a sculpted waterfall and pond on the property. The videographer of Moving Love, Scott, in collaboration with David and I, and nine other friends and family, met at this lovely place.
The purpose of our coming together was to film those who had communicated with us about their transformational experience each had at the Moving Love event on September 5, 2008. We asked them to share on film what had happened for them. They were gracious, humbling and inspiring. Most of all we were connected to the profundity of the event and the love we all shared.
It was like magic! One of our friends who is a musician, shared that he doesn’t believe in magic, so when it happens to him he doesn’t know what to say. He did speak in spite of the it being magical for him. He spoke of Davis’ humor and how he is very picky about what he thinks is funny.
Hearing Davis’ humor had him laughing and laughing and laughing. His acknowledgment of Davis’ humor reminded us of how powerful humor is for dealing with and/or healing from pain. I shared about what an amazing mimick Davis was. He could look into your soul and feed it right back to you in facial, whole body, or verbal expression. He did it to me, often, and I almost have to stop writing about it because it is so funny (I can’t write and laugh so hard at the same time) to see myself—that part of me that I think I hide or want to hide for whatever reason.
Others spoke of the raw emotional, authentic self – expression I shared with movement and improvisation of the love I have for Davis. They appreciated how nothing was hidden or concealed, and said it gave them permission to have their own feelings about death. The immediate gift to me of the conception of Moving Love was that I realized I wanted to express to the world the unconditional love I had learned being Davis’ mother.
The unconditional love was seeded, harvested, steeped and brewed. It continues to quench the thirst of my soul’s need to live a life of self-expression speaking the unspoken. I realize in writing at this moment about Davis’ humor, that it was his gift, his unconditional love for me, and others, which in turn taught me to heal many wounds I tried to hide.
Our friends also expressed their appreciation for David. His eloquent and authentic way of speaking genuinely and honestly, expressing what the script guided us to share, was a 3D moment of what I had moved and danced, emotionally. Knowing David’s eloquence like the inside of my own mouth, it never occurred to me that his speaking so honestly and upfront of Davis’ passing could be so powerful and releasing, to not only me but others, too.
I see how my honesty grants my existence. There is a distinct empowerment I am given when I don’t hide, and that means even in words. Humor presences just that opportunity. As I end this moment of writing about the gift that Saturday’s interviews afforded me, I thank the process of transformation that is inherent in grieving when I don’t hide from it. When I open to and welcome what is coming my way, I am healed. I am grateful to keep learning this.
One of the people at the interviewing, who has lost a child, said that in her years of grieving, some 20 plus, now, she has learned that her son died for her. What she meant was that there were immeasurable gifts that had come to her through the transformation from darkness to light when she opened to the grief.
David concurred as did I. We would give anything to have our children here, in body, but not having that option, we open to the greatest challenge of our lives. That challenge is to receive the change with love, and go for that which looks impossible but really is possible. Living our lives without our children here in body, and finding the love and happiness and humor and peace in life, everyday, is the gift and the challenge.
Love,
Suzanne
Dear Suzanne,
The famous poet Emily Dickinson is a master of playing with death, and yet what she wrote was true. Those who are loved cannot die as they live in our hearts.
I’m planning to go to Japan this year, to finish up what me and Davis had promised. I’ve been wanting to take something of Davis with me, as a physical reminder, and to leave it there, in Japan.
I regretted that I have never met Davis in person, but I’ve known him through his parents and friends and what a legacy he has left us all. Our children are born from us and with us they shall remain.
His first anniversary didn’t go forgotten, I lit my candle and prayed for him and asked my family to do so too despite the fact that their belief differ from mine. God has freed his soul, and those who have been watching him suffer would be thankful. However, it is not easy to let someone who has left such a HUGE impact in your life go.
Dear Davis,
You have left me to deal with a great deal thanks to your courage. I could use a shoulder to cry on sometimes, but you still remain the light of my life. I remembered that I told you I love you, so many times and I still do. You are beautiful to me, despite all your pains you held on – so STRONG and so DETERMINED. I pray for you all the time, prayed for myself too. I missed seeing that bright smile of yours, I missed your voice. I am grateful to have known you, because I could carry apart of you in me. Our promises of going to Japan, it shall be met – I in my physical body, you with your soul. I’m sure you have visited it already, you should have waited for me. Also, you have beautiful parents and I’m glad that you have made this possible, for me to be able to speak to them and to not lose you in the process. You know how it is like, when they say that the faces of those who passed on will become faded after awhile, but you are still shining strong in my heart. I shall remember you always.
Love always,
Nadine
Sometimes in life we encounter beauty in the form of free, moving spirits. We may find them in their natural free state or we may find them confined and yearning to be free like a wild horse suddenly penned up. When we encounter spirits such as these, we are immediately in awe of their strength of purpose, swiftness of mind, and underlying gen-tleness and devotion. I met Davis when he was at the end of his “high school days.” He was a wild and beautiful spirit trapped in a school that he wished to be free of. He was a seeker of knowledge but not the type of knowledge being offered at Westlake High School. He wanted much more. He wanted to know as much as possible of what I knew. He also wanted to know as much as possible of what else was out there in the world. Davis was not only curious but an explorer. At the time, he asked me about Stanislav Grof. He knew more about him than I did. (Now, years later, I lead breathwork workshops that are an outgrowth of the work of Stanislav Grof). Davis wanted to explore hypnosis, talk about different forms of healing, and discuss how energy can move through one’s body. He was fascinated with Chinese medicine. He wanted to know about how drugs and alcohol affected the human body. Davis was also actively exploring how music affected us. He had such a strong desire to learn and to use knowledge to enhance life that he was always a joy to be around. He lived with a passion for life. During those times, his intense passion and desire to be free to explore challenged us all, especially his parents. Yet, the enduring love expressed by both Davis and his parents always shone through brightly and forged their lasting bonds. He had his share of pain and problems, as we all do, but he refused to let those things contain him. When Davis returned from China he was infused with new knowledge, experience and wonder. I could see that at last he was in his element, free to roam, free to learn about those things in which he was most interested. I did not have the privilege of seeing Davis in the last years of his life. But I can see him now and feel his presence. He is still challenging me to learn to explore, and to actively connect in life. Davis continues to connect with us all in his own unique way. He is still that same beautiful spirit and he is still free.
Jack Morrison,LCSW
Dearest Nadine,
Thank you for your plethora of love and acknowledgment to Davis. You have given us a window that allows us to share in some of his life relationships.
Your words are kind, loving, and bring about the Spirit of Davis and his commitment to travel, learn and grow. David and I have been overjoyed to focus on the many loving comments that Davis’ friends, like yourself, have offered.
Thank you, lovely young woman, for giving us yet another glimpse of infinity of Davis’ life and joys and love.
If you are interested in going to the Moving Love Productions website, there is information about our current creative and connecting experiences with Davis.
My love to you,
Suzanne
Dear Jack,
Your words are the liquid presence of Davis’ character for David and I. Reading your comment gave yet another glimpse of the joyful, creative, exuberant, and Indigo Spirit that Davis brought to me and David and others.
I found a picture of Davis the other day when I was looking to see what the box contained. It was a picture of Davis at 6 years old. I have put it on my memorial altar and light candles to it along with the last picture taken of him before he passed, and beautiful keepsakes that I am deeply grateful to have.
There are moments when I am passing the altar and look just long enough to carry his bright light with me to whatever is next for me in the moment. Sometimes I stop and look into his eyes in the pictures and realize that he is so present in and to my life with the knowing of the eternal, that the notion of death is truly revealed to me as a lie.
There are other times where I can’t believe that life has delivered me this challenge and I talk to him in the rawest way to express the overflowing love that keeps me present to being awake, alive, and with the truth. The truth is the love that he is, that our family and friends who who can go there with us, like yourself, hold in their hearts. It is the alternative to descending into a blackness, the cultural trauma that we all are called to challenge around what death really is. I know I could never emerge out of that darkness, ever.
Thank you for sharing with us. You are channeling a presence he is that he certainly has taken with him, and is refining his journey of the afterlife.
David and I send you much love and thank you for the connection to Davis that lives in our hearts and souls, too.
Suzanne
Davis’ 27tg birthday was March 12, 2009. He was celebrated by David and I at a local sushi restaurant that was his and our favorite. He was truly a conniseur (sp?) of food and especially sushi. He turned us onto it when he was in high school. He loved to laugh at our expressions when we were served and hadn’t had much experience around eating raw fish, shrimp heads, fish eggs, etc. That was one of his trickster ways of rocking the boat.
If ever anyone needed their boat rocked, it was me. I held on tightly to life and love in ways that didn’t serve me or others. I have been learning to let go of the fear and control issues, as I seep deeper and deeper into grief’s process.
I asked God today where to go, what to do, what to say, and to whom.
It is a prayer from A Course in Miracles that allows me to relax and unburden myself from ego, chaos and resultant confusion. I went to see a dear friend earlier today whom I have known for 25 years. Our boys played together and she has been a rock of a friend as long as I have known her.
I had the opportunity to talk to her about Moving Love and what’s next. I still find some bottle necking happening when I begin to share with people about Moving Love. I find that there is much to say and I often don’t know where to start. It flowed today, however, and as we talked, we cried together, deeply, and with God’s love and presence guiding us into our love for each other and our children.
She is the one who took the picture Davis, David and me at the top of this website. She captured the essence of our family journey in that picutre. There had been so much healing, and she told me today that she wanted to take the picture because she saw so much light in Davis when she took the picture.
She couldn’t get over how bright and present he was at that time, especially since he had been in so much pain. I know now that he was already leaving us, and another reality was blessing his awareness. He embodied it with such peace in that moment.
As I go forth into the next half of the second year of his passing, I feel the acuteness of the pain within me of his leaving. Thank God for the prayer I prayed at the time of his death, which was reaching to God and asking for guidance in how to live with Davis in my heart for the rest of my life. I wanted to live into this life change with God’s total healing, and be with Davis as long as I lived. Not knowing how to do that, I prayed and surrendered. Miracles have proceeded .
I am going to teach a Stillness Moves class for six weeks beginning April 3rd. I have been doing movement to open my heart and soul to the changes grief is opening me to have. The class originally began to share with others the physical release from feeling shutdown over the last year.
I have had great help and listened continually for the healing whisper of God’s guidance and presence. It has come in the form of moving with deep care and honoring of myself. As I do it, I find more spaciousness and relaxation within. It’s also given me an awareness of how we stress ourselves out in our culture, and now I am offering it to others.
What I have seen is amazing grace. I know that God’s kindness far surpasses any attempt on my part to understand what I am dealing with and going through. I am following the guidance given me, and one of the most beautiful gifts I have been given is the new consciousness and ability to grant myself existence.
The people pleasing and needing to control myself and others is diminishing. Making choices around loving and nurturing myself, and asking for what I want is growing within.
I go within as much as I can with breathing, meditation, movement, singing, writing, being with those who mirror my journey of the road less traveled to know God, and resting. As I do this, I am drawing my attention away from the external world’s clutches, and into the inner world’s freedom. I will write more as I receive guidance , listening and following its will for me.
God Is,
Suzanne
Dear Davis,
I am so grateful for your “musing”. I always knew that you loved what I did, dancing and teaching dance, but I didn’t expect to have you so very present as I go forward with teaching new classes. Your presence is more than obvious to me. It warms my soul as it brings me to some of the most creative and inventive moments I have ever had.
I have begun planning more, too. I am still very intuitive with the movement, and yet, I am very grounded in ways I haven’t been able to be before. Planning the class is one. I know that even though I have years of showing up and getting out of the way so the Energy can move through me, I am now learning to center myself around the very blessings the Energy gives me by planning and designing the class.
Never mind that I may show up and all is changed and I use none of it! The point is that I have grown in flexibility and trust and that enables me to work with the Energy as a partner. The partnering is quite fabulous. It connects me to you and the way you provide information as my muse that gives me a new strength and actually a new brilliance that I can’t claim is all mine. Thank you for believing in me, remembering me, and giving me a new way of “seeing” into the Energy’s presence.
I feel so brand new, today. I am doing that which underneath I thought I would never be able to do, and I am doing it quite amazingly well. When I look at all the times I said, “I yam what I yam” in order to not have to try and fail at something I thought I couldn’t do, I realize that is a time of my life that is over. For that I am grateful, and seeing such new abilities that underscore my many new endeavors gives me much joy in living my life.
I love you,
Mom
I regularly think of Davis. He was so truly unique. Such a gift to the world. O
Dear Mark,
Seeing you Sunday was such a joy. Davis loved you sooooooooo much! You brought him right into the place of “silly” and “fun” and music, and you know how he loved silly, fun and music. I connected to your and his friendship, highlights of it, and your healing, as well as his.
Have you ever been acknowledged for bringing him into a new passion? He loved music all of his life, but you led him into finding his niche and playing in it. By the time he went to China, you had initiated him into his biggest dream—a musician and deejay. Playing in the clubs in Shang Hai was the thrill of his life, along with living in China. I acknowledge you with much gratitude for sharing such beauty with him— and helping him find his muse, in your being yourself and sharing your gifts with him.
I know it was not easy the last few years of his life for you or him or any of us. In his last year, though, he got very clear in many moments of his love for all. That’s quite a gift for him and all of us, isn’t it? He talked to his dad for hours and hours and hours, many many times cleaning up old painful stuff between the two of them. He shared with me about his music and friends who were playing, including his dreams of going back to China. It was very awesome to be included in his life that way. I felt loved.
He was very happy to be with you that funny evening where y’all stayed up until the wee hours of the morning playing and sharing and being together. He came home that morning and told me y’all had reconnected and visited into the wee hours of the night. He was excited telling me about it. He was quite smug and humorous, very “on”. You know the way he was with his humor, he would say or do something very funny and look deep into your eyes and soul and wait with an infinite presence for your response with a look of total impishness. He would wait forever, if needed, in order to come right back with a rascally response.
He shared with me in his way, that morning, what you so beautifully shared in your way at the memorial service.
His sharing with me about being with you at that time, is one of my happiest memories of that last year. When I saw you, Sunday evening, it all flooded back to me and through me. Along with it, my sincerest fondness for you also washed through me. I am very glad to see you and connect with you, again.
My love to you, and also to beautiful Hannah. I look forward to taking your and Hannah’s classes, and sharing teaching with both of you at Empower Yoga.
Much much love to you both,
Suzanne
I have a day that is filled with peace. I have been wanting to write on this website for a number of days and am now doing it. I have two other websites that I could go to to write on, but this one is where my heart lies. Peace is a strong motivator for me to open my heart up and write.
I keep realizing that the grieving process is not something I can predict in terms of how it will show up or when or if it will end. Since the first of September, and the week before that, as well as the weeks after that, I have been in an intense and new process. There really are moments when I think to myself, “I can do this.” There are also moments in this process where I have been over the last few weeks where I think to myself, “I don’t know if I can do this.”
Here I am finding myself starting new classes to teach and focusing on them with an open heart. This in itself is quite amazing that I have the focus I have to do it, because there is much static that pours in wanting my attention to continue grieving at moments that I had thought had come because I had filled the quota of grieving for the time being.
Not so. It comes when it comes, and my job is to be awake and aware to what I am being given to respond to. This is the healing. It may be with me for all of my life, in fact, I welcome it to be. I say, “what else am I going to do?” When Davis was with us the last year, he would apologize for me taking so much time to help him, and for not being out in the world doing other things rather than being home recovering from illness. What I said to him, then, was “what else am I going to do?” I meant this with all of me. I didn’t want to be anywhere else. I wanted to help him transform.
Now, I am transforming myself with my commitment to grieve his death in love. I have come to a place that is honest, earnest, peaceful, and trusting of the process no matter what it brings. Just a few weeks ago, a friend had to remind me that it’s only been two years since he died, and in reminding me, I realized that I had been in some internal conversation that was telling me I was done. Telling me this over and over and over, she opened up an awareness within me that I am going to let it take what it takes for me in this life to grieve in love for as long as it takes.
This has been a gift of self love that grieving Davis’ death is evoking in me. I can come to this sight, talk about my process and not be concerned that I should be done or that someone will tell me I will be done. I am not done, but I am awake.
Love,
Suzanne
We love life, not because we are used to living but because we are used to loving. We find that we continue to love Davis not because he is simply living physically among us, because he continues to live among us through his love .
Thank you, Jack, for such beautiful words. Last night I danced at the 10 year celebration of Hildegirls. I was asked to dance to the song, “Oh Mother” as a tribute to Davis. His passing resulted in a community connection that the Hildes made with me and David to join us in learning about death and grief and grieve with us. They joined David and I going as deeply with us and as far as they could, to heal themselves from grief that didn’t contain their healing.
We rehearsed three days before the performance. Each time I moved, I went deeper into the love I am for him. Each rehearsal cleared away the overgrown conditioned thinking that sets in about death after a beloved has passed that I didn’t know had made a place within me. I remember after his death that one of the most frightening things to me was that I might forget things about him I loved, i.e., forget him. Conditioned responses we have toward death contributes to this.
As I danced at the celebration last night, I was free of the the fear, the conditioning that hid the depths of my love for him, and any need to resist reality. I connected with all of my Hilde sisters in the love that has grown us all since his passing. It was shared in my dance and our singing with the audience. It was a Moving Love experience that takes me daily into a greater ability to live my life loving my beloved son.
This is my favorite place to write. I feel closer to Davis at this website than the other places I blog. Sometimes I wonder if I am the only one who comes here. People tell me however that they come here and check in, so I know I am not the only one.
This past week has been full of our awareness being focused on Davis. It comes for us at the same time. It really doesn’t ever leave, but it gets more intense at some times than others.
Mucho sadness pervades the intensity, yet, a liberation that comes with acceptance also works its way through us. Grief is so underrated. It is a miracle, especially when lived the way we have chosen to live it, together. I love you, Davis. I love you, David.
Suzanne
Hi Suzanne..I dont know you or anyone here..Somehow I ended up on this site from different Links I cLicked on from youtube..I have read everything on this page and now I FeeL Like I know you aLL..The tears I’ve cried from reading everything..The Strong Emotions I get from you..from everyone.. MyHeart goes out to You..(Hugs For You) Love ALways ApriL
Dearest April,
You are so kind, really, to follow and respond. Thank you for responding with love and making sure we received it.
With love back to you,
Suzanne
Your so hot. Marry me? You will make me the happiest man alive
Tomorrow is Davis’ birthday. I was so relieved that I was awake and aware this year before it hit me and decked me with sadness. I feel so sad, today.
I am the most grateful for his birth, ever, and the life it’s given me. I am reminded of the quote, “It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.” I feel this way.
I am in Hospice Training with my Hilde Sisters. We will be singing to the dying in their last days, perhaps hours. The synchronicity of the training being on Davis’ birthday is difficult, but at the same time gives me healing. As I do the work, I have the utmost reverence for death, it’s process, and the grieving that we all join in together. I feel so small. Not like unworthy, in fact, the opposite, but aware of the vastness of life and love and my process. I pray with all of my heart and soul that I am able to take the learning I am living and sing it to infinity, the infinite love I have for Davis. In grace,
Suzanne
Love you davis, david and suzanne.
Mark–Davis’ loving dear friend, is this you? Do you know how much we all love you?????? Thank you for checking in and sending your love. And, congratulations for your upcoming betrothal. We love you both.
We love you so much,
Suzanne
Suzanne,
My heart goes out to you, and I found your website by way of my therapist, as I struggle to come to grips with my son’s disease which is Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy…. thank you for the love you have shown me
Dear CJ,
It is my honor to serve you in your love for your son with my love for my son! Thank you for the love it takes to reach out and acknowledge someone who stands in a place that you hope you never have to confront or deal with. You are a very courageous and open hearted, loving person. What you are acknowledging in me is that which you contain and are expressing to me. Honestly, had I not asked for awareness of my eternal connection with Davis, there would not have been anything to say here. At the moment of his death, I knew with all of my heart and soul that I would have him with me, forever, if I chose that. I knew that God is that good, wonderful, present, and loving, and my part was to ask for it. I asked, and I have been given all that I asked for and more, fueled with the most astounding grace and awareness of Davis’ presence with me since that instant. You are welcome, welcome, welcome. In love,
Suzanne
There is such a sweet presence here that I check in every once in a while, even when I don’t leave a message. Just wanted you to know that I am thinking of the three of you and sending all my love and blessing. With much grace and gratitude … Susan
Susan,
It is so beautiful to hear from you. Thank you for walking with us in such a journey in the way that you do—the way you do everything–with love and presence and grace and gratitude.
I just had to check the website tonight, feeling a love pull. Of course! It was you leaving a message that fills my heart and reminds that there are probably many of our loved ones and friends who also check this website as you and I do, and may not leave a message each time. All I can say is that your leaving a message is the greatest gift you can give me, my friend.
This website is committed to our love—all of our love in whatever respect it can be given and communicated to one another in Davis’ memory. It is the honoring of my eternal love for him that heals me, day by day, moment by moment. There’s rarely a day that goes by that the fabric of my being isn’t aware of his passing. Others in my life go on with their lilves, as they should, and I am glad they do. Yet, this is the place where I can share my heart and soul and love for him, out loud, allowing the grieving process to grieve me and heal me with those who have moved on. What a gift! Love you, Susan,
Suzanne
Dear Suzanne,
I graduated from WHS with Davis. The reason I am contacting you is that our 10 year HS reunion is on October 1, 2011 and we would like to give our classmates an opportunity to remember Davis, since he cannot be with us. It is our plan to have remembrance posters at the reunion where class members can write thoughts, prayers, or memories of our fellow classmates who have passed away. After the reunion, we would like to give these posters to the families of our lost friends.
We have a photo of Davis from our senior yearbook, and I wanted to know if perhaps you would be able to email me a photo or photos of Davis from his time at WHS and beyond. We would love to have pictures of him with people he loved, and doing things he loved at WHS. I would appreciate any help you can provide. I’m sorry to contact you in such a public manner, but I didn’t have any other contact info. You may email me back at WHSChaps2001@gmail.com.
Thank you so much.
Sincerely,
Anne Knox Bederman
WHS Class of 2001 Reunion Committee
I received the wonderful gift of memories you passed on to us through Suzy Dillard. Thank you. It is wonderful. It gives me such a beautiful window of presence with Davis. You need not apologize for how you contacted us. We feel very honored that you thought of us and responded to us in this way. Also, as the years pass, the gifts extended to us acknowledging Davis’ life mean more and more to me. His being remembered is such a wonderful instant in time for me to share with others. It truly brings what we call memory into present time, and I live here as often as possible. Thank you for your loving kindness, Ann.
Suzanne
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Dear David and Suzanne,
I have spent the morning watching your TEDx event and reading this blog regarding “Pookie” as I knew him. I remember him as an exuberant, curious, affectionate, articulate and intelligent little boy. I had the honor of being around the three of you in the early part of his life. I have always cherished that time. You all were so loving and patient with me as I went through my own personal self-esteem challenges. You always made me feel worthy and I thank you for that.
I am at once sad that Davis’ physical presence and light was taken from this dimension and uplifted by David’s AND Suzanne’s words here, your presentation to TEDx and all of the LOVE that pours out from this tribute to Davis’ continued being.
So I can only attribute the strong desire to find out where you are now as a sweet poke from Davis saying “Babars, what are you doing?” as he was fond of asking me when I was working at your house. Why today? not sure however, that is the way love works isn’t it? Unexpected.
Davis grew to be a remarkable and creative young man, no surprise given the richly textured environment that you provided. I wish I had had the opportunity to have met him again.
I will always remember “Pookie”.
with love,
Barb “Babars” Hewitt Tate
Dearest Barbars,
As I read your sweet message to us, I cried eager to hear what you’d say and hungry for your response. It’s wonderful. Thank you for finding the website, reading it, gathering your love, and sending it to us. I read it to David, and he cried with me, and then when I concluded he asked me how you got the name, “BARBARS”.
I told him that is what Davis called you. It was the best way he could say “Barbara”. Isn’t it wonderful??
I’ve thought of you so often, and wanted to get word to you but like you, I didn’t know where or how to reach you. That didn’t stop the loving thoughts I sent your way, however. We have a picture framed of our vacation to the coast that you joined us on. It is of you and Davis with his sand bucket looking at the camera. You were busy helping him build a sand castle or hole, not sure. It’s beautiful and you look very engaged in the moment, as does he.
Barbars, he never forgot you. I would ask him over the years if he remembered Barbars and he said yes he did. Often, he would chuckle when he looked at the picture of y’all together at the beach.
Sometimes he made one of his very funny faces that (my interpretation) expressed a certain humor of the joy of knowing he was loved. He was very hilarious, could go all over the map with different kinds of humor, making it up as he went along. One of his friends said he had always wished Davis had done stand up comedy. We all could say this, too. There was not a dull moment with him. His humorous way of looking at the world grew and was expressed more and more, I noticed, as he dealt with the arthritis.
Pretty amazing that you have contacted us. We are thrilled!
We love you and thank you.
We live in Austin. We love it. If you’d like to contact me and give me your information, you can go to http://www.instillmovement.com.
This is the website for the work I do. There is much to say about instill movement, a gift from Davis both before and after his passing. I would love to hear from you and so would David.
Love,
Suzanne
It’s time to write, again. As I’ve said before, this seems to be the best place for me to write/blog. This website that my precious niece Suzy set up for me is very much a loving connection that I honor immensely.
There’s so much growing and learning that is healing my soul at this time. Yesterday, I was in the creek with my great nephew, Bode Dillard. He comes every Tuesday and we go to the creek and play.
He’s 2 years old, going on 20! He heals my heart and restores my soul. There’s only so much one can say in the grieving process, at least in my life, about the sorrow that accompanies me after the passing of my beloved Davis. And, that’s not a sad thing, either. I am filled with his loving presence like never before, and talking about that is so deep and vast that it shows up other ways, like with Bode.
When I’m with Bode, we play, communicating in the finest of ways that can’t happen any other way with him. It’s very honoring of him, me, Davis, LOVE to be together and not speak words, except here and there. It’s wholly magnificent! Holy Magnificent. I am joined to my internal Divine knowing that we’re all one, and yet, Bode has a place with me that honors who he is and the fantastic gifts he brings just being himself. He has shown me how much more can be given in silence, the joining of spirit!
Yesterday in the creek with him, I had profound awareness of my intuitive abilities. As I witnessed my intuition open up, I followed it, leaving blocks and past doubts about myself and what I can and can’t do—BEHIND!!!! I was AWAKE, CAPABLE, and in touch with parts of myself that I have been praying for to emerge. Here’s what I mean.
Bode is a child who thinks, feels, acts on his feet. He is intuitive, swift, brilliant, and very focused and curious. Each of the 4 weeks we’ve spent time in the creek together, he has gotten less afraid and more adventurous! He’s been walking about 9 months, now, so I am especially attentive with a sixth sense to his balance as well as mine. The creek is full of nature at her best. Clear, rushing, flowing water, green, green, green plants of every shape, size, and depth in vision, fallen trees in the middle of the streaming water flow, and rocks of every size inside and outside of the water, life in its magnificence, glory!!! Beauty abundant!!! And! I felt how essential it was on all levels of my being to enter this dance with abandon, like Bode was!
I found myself moving with him, every move! He held my finger and charged forward, yet, in his amazing Buckminster Fuller way, he was doing everything in learning to learn that is deliberate, no matter how precarious it looked! Bucky said the above about children learning to walk. I went with him keeping my awareness acute, and now was flowing like the water with him. As I write, I realize this is how learning is when there are no voices in the head screaming to watch out, be careful, or hold back to be safe! The whole moment showed me I can move with an internal knowing and listening that the aftermath of voices can’t touch. Until yesterday with Bode, I’ve judged falling down, unsteadiness, having to do the same thing over and over, etc., as not knowing how, rather than “knowing how”. We were learning at the same moment, he, doing what he did, and me, doing what I did.
I went into the zone, like athletes who do incredible feats, and watched the dance we were as we danced it, yet, participated fully in it! I found parts of myself that have been soaked in doubting myself be non-existent as they merged with clarity of the wholeness I am and CAN DO! It was miraculous!!! Love is miraculous.
What a beautiful and loving picture you paint with your words-I can see you both discovering your capability, confidence and freedom. I love you, Suzanne!
Barbars
I love you, Davis.
Mom
Thank you for the nudge. I been feeling it for days. I was unaware. I tend to not extend to sense. You know that all ready. Its been part honoring a request another still not letting go. I find my heart aching. But I am slowly reawakening. Still a bit to do. I haven’t been ready or able to let go fully. I have one foot in this world and another tuck nicely away in a smelly sock I believe no one would bother. I been doing very well hiding in the ordinary. I tried. But its hard. There is not enough good I can do. But I try. I spent time reading the wonderful words of the lives you touch. I am loving you found your light and despite having much to struggle through, you were able to die before you die and allow everyone to see what it meant to be awaken. You really pulled it with that one there. Yeah I caught the 25 bit. HeHeHe.
On a more up beat note. I am getting clear though. I understand what Gurdjieff meant when he said “Until man realize in what way he is a machine and like a machine he is program, he can never be free. I believe recent clarity in this regard plus a massive push to get clear is what allowed me to sense you enough to feel the impulse, Just. You already know. I love you. I keep you in my heart. I have read much of what has been written. Actually I met a 2nd connect a while ago when I knew I had to do the work that you went to China. Conversation lead to name dropping. I was wowed at how small the world is. But I immediately ran into my cave afterwards. I get out. I been getting out a lot more since Khalil was born. Its a force outing. If I had my choice, I would stay in my little cave still trying to suppress the abilities I felt until today unworthy of. Yeah I know enough is enough of that. Thank you. HEHEHEHe Yeah, I been a tease. Man do I make a impact when I do step out. I am laughing at the similarity of the paths and interest to. Connection may have not been direct, but the influence is there- the work needing to be done is getting done. I know you know. Back to my baby though, I am praying he lives up to his name sake and truly become a friend of humanity as well. I am so proud of you.
I been wondering which to leave, but yeah I think I will leave this one. Love you and hugging you.
Idries Shah tales of the Sands
A stream, from its source in far-off mountains, passing through every kind and description of countryside, at last reached the sands of the desert. Just as it had crossed every other barrier, the stream trie
d to cross this one, but it found that as fast as it ran into the sand, its waters disappeared.
It was convinced, however, that its destiny was to cross this desert, and yet there was no way. Now a hidden voice, coming from the desert itself, whispered: “The Wind crosses the desert, and so can the stream.”
The stream objected that it was dashing itself against the sand, and only getting absorbed: that the wind could fly, and this was why it could cross a desert.
“By hurtling in your own accustomed way you cannot get across. You will either disappear or become a marsh. You must allow the wind to carry you over, to your destination.”
“But how could this happen?”
“By allowing yourself to be absorbed in the wind.”
This idea was not acceptable to the stream. After all, it had never been absorbed before. It did not want to lose its individuality. And, once having lost it, how was one to know that it could ever be regained?
“The wind,” said the sand, “performs this function. It takes up water, carries it over the desert, and then lets it fall again. Falling as rain, the water again becomes a river.”
“How can I know that this is true?”
“It is so, and if you do not believe it, you cannot become more than a quagmire, and even that could take many, many years; and it certainly is not the same as a stream.”
“But can I not remain the same stream that I am today?”
“You cannot in either case remain so,” the whisper said. “Your essential part is carried away and forms a stream again. You are called what you are even today because you do not know which part of you is the essential one.”
Here’s to knowing which part of you is the essential one.
Love,
Suzanne
Dear Suz & Dave,
Today I’m sitting here feeling Davis’s warm smile and the mischievous sparkle in his eyes. Makes my heart open and my breath catch.
As you know, I have had his portrait, started just days after his passing on my drawing table for years now, unable to ‘finish’ it. I’ve looked at it almost daily for so long – with every good intention of finishing it. Yet something inside just couldn’t budge.
Last week as I visited a the JFK University (realized only today it was on Sept 5) checking into their program ‘Art & Consciousness’, I took a step toward a new horizon & claiming self expression through art. Later as I shared with Craig the overwhelming joy I felt from this new set of possibilites, we happened to be standing by Davis’s portrait. Craig looked at it and said for the first time ever, “I think it would be really good for you to finish this now for moving forward.” Inside, I sorta brushed his comment off…
A couple of days later, I felt a strong urge well up inside to finish the portrait. Truth be told, I’d had some ideas about finishing it bubbling inside but just couldn’t quite see the outcome… So right then and there, I took out blank paper, brushes and water colors; did a breathing exercise & asked Davis to help me open up to my creative joy and step forward into the unknown facing the blank white page.
What happened was wonderfully fun & playful. The painting that emerged was a surprise of color and movement. I love it. (Don’t think I’ve ever said that about any art I’ve created before.) And, to me, it feels like Davis’s energy ‘signature’ somehow. Can’t wait to share it with you both. So today, I have finally finished the portrait with great love, celebration, and affection. I feel deepest gratitude for the gift Davis is – ever in my life. And unspeakable gratitude and love for both of you my dear friends. Much love, Reva
Dearest Reva,
This gives me joy to read what you have done. I feel honored for your sharing this great and moving heart and soul opening in your life, here, on the website. I am very happy for you, and know that the painting of Davis is the capturing of his essence with your incredible gift you’ve been given as an artist. I am so relieved to know that you are celebrating your gift(s) in this way and with your beautiful bonding with Davis. I feel let in on a mystery of the universe that is beyond the simple wording I am able to express here.
Davis’ love bonds us in the deepest and most artistic of ways. It takes art, our soul’s art to make the connections. I’m really glad to hear of your moving on into listening to your inner gifts, and your full awareness of how important it is to you with such peace.
I know he is smiling from his heart as am I.
Reva, I continue to be reminded of how important it is for us to give our gifts back to God in full expression of gratitude for their presence in our lives. Wow, what a beautiful step you have taken in furthering this in your life. Again, I am honored by your sharing this, here, on the website, and being privy to your reciprocal love that you and Davis share. I look forward to sharing more with you of your awesome art. I love it! I can’t wait to hear what’s next. The world so very much needs your incredible artistic gifts. I love you,
Suz
Hi Guys,
Davis visited me in a dream last night. Don’t ask me why but me and a bunch of friends, one of which turned out to be Davis, were having a race down a long carpeted hallway. The thing with the race was that you couldn’t run on your feet, you had to run on your knees. I was in fourth place or so and I remember chuckling about how all my friends up ahead looked like midgets because it was kind of dark and i couldn’t see the lower part of their legs extending back toward me, only the silhouette of bunch of normal sized torsos and short legs. I got tired of racing so I curled up on my friend’s lower legs, which were extending back behind him, again, because he was kneeling. Davis looked back at me like a gentle kind beast willing to carry me the rest of the way. At the end, he feel from being tired and we lay on the floor giggling. The main memories of feelings from the dream are: Davis is strong, davis is capable, and this is fun. We giggled like friends do together, way too much for what had just happened. Just kept giggling on the floor at the end of the hallway. We stayed there a while doing it.
Miss him and happy he visited me.
Mark
Dear Mark,
I just read your communication to me and David out loud. We both laughed with you and Davis. We have no doubt he was with you, racing and giggling, and no doubt he was with us laughing with us at your sharing of the dream with us. Wow, it’s so palpable, his presence, isn’t it? We are so happy to hear all the dreams you share with us. He visits us, occasionally, in dreams, too, like he visits you. Suzy and several others as well.
What a great experience and wonderful vibration!!!!!!!!
I love hearing y’all’s dreams. When I read this, I remembered your last dream, too, as well as what you shared at the memorial service of your last adventure, together, a few months earlier, and all the laughing. So wonderful!! I laugh out loud so often being in the moment with memories of his silliness, impishness, and uncontrollable humor–his and mine, his and David’s, his and yours and all that his friends have shared with us, knowing now more than ever how astoundingly creative he was dealing with the pain of the arthritis and addiction. The arthritis inspired as much or more humor and creativity than the pain of it carried. When I act out our silliness, he is right there. When I am gifted by others to be on the other end of their sharing their stories of dreams they’ve had of his visits, or their sharing of feeling his presence or a memory, I am aware that we don’t have to wait till we die to see him, again. That shows me I don’t have to die to know God, either. This separation thing that we have been conditioned to see and live in is such a giant trick, and the undoing of it brings so much relief, joy, and peace.
I am so honored you wrote us and shared with us, Mark. You know we love you. Love to Hannah, too. Best of fortune in Law School. We’re very happy for you and proud of you pursuing your dreams.
You know that Sammy is getting married in Costa Rica in about two weeks?
Love you so much,
Suzanne
I have never seen this site before. This is really cool, and a great way to spark great memories. I frequently think about Davis, whether its telling stories to people about memorable events that consisted of Davis and I, or through dreams, or even in daily life. I know their is a wonderful adventure ahead of all of us after this life, and I believe we get to pick the right times to contact/appear in the mind of people we knew well. The love is there all the time, and We all know the love is being felt from him as well. Davis I married a wonderful girl and I know you can see her and know her through me. You would have loved her and I am greatful for this. I can just imagine how you would tell me that I found the right one. I appreciate the fact that I know in my heart how you feel about her.
Ahh, The memories,
Sammy
Suzanne – chances of you remembering me are very remote, but we were childhood friends through Jr. High. I moved to Dallas and lost touch with all the girls I grew up with in Midland. However, I came across this site by chance. I have to tell you that your dear son must have been the most incredibly wonderful child, because I have never read such an outpouring of genuine love from friends and family. I am so sorry that you had to suffer a terrible loss, but I sincerely hope that life is being good to you. It’s been exactly 50 years since I left Midland, but I remember all the sweet friends that I had there and always wished I could have finished school with you all. God bless and keep you now and always.
Cameron (Akins) Menard
Cameron – Thank you for your gracious reply. I remember you well. I remember going to your house after school one day and playing Red Rover with you and your sister and a few friends on your block.
I’m really grateful to hear from you. Your sadness and loss is mine, too. I loved visiting with you the week you wrote this lovely response. May your holidays be all that you want, and that you can connect with your beloved friend who passed as he is now.
love,
Suzanne
Hi Davis. Happy thanksgiving son. Today I’m filled with gratitude for you, your incredible work with us and others, and the wonderful openings your presence allows me to receive. Thank you.
Hi Son. I’m filled tonight with a sense of the Cosmic Weave that connects us all. And still I miss you.
There are so many days, Davis, that I am aware of your presence with me. Today is one of those days! I love you so much, and when I feel connected like this, I am fulfilled. I love you. I am very grateful to all who share this awareness of love’s presence with me, too. Thank you for coming, and still I miss you.
Davis and David and Suzanne,
Today, my officemate at my new law job (yes, davis, I’m a lawyer now!) in NY got news that his cousin with whom he was very close passed away from an overdose. Memories of all the feelings I had when you passed away, Davis, came back. The sadness, frustration that I couldn’t do anything to change the situation, my compassion for you and for you, David and Suzanne, my regret for the ways I was not the best of friend all the time to you, Davis, and all the immense feelings of gratitude for how incredibly unique and strangely beautiful you were.
I shared with my officemate that I had a very good friend who passed away in similar circumstances and shared with him those feelings. He teared up (not something you see in the office of a big law firm in NYC often) and shared some of his. It’s hard in this environment to find any obvious sources of compassion and empathy (even though most people are in fact very kind–they’re just not that familiar with sharing their feelings). I just wanted you all to know that my story with Davis, and Davis’s story in general, and all that he meant to me, served someone today. And served me, as I didn’t know what to say–memories of davis visited me and I suddenly felt empowered, capable, and big enough to contain the really intense moments after my officemate found out.
In other news, my wife Hannah, whom I married in 2011, and I just had a little girl, who was born at home in our apartment in Brooklyn on Feb. 4. Her name is Juniper Tuesday Emlyn Franke. She is amazing. I know you all would love to snuggle up with her, and I wish Davis could meet her.
Miss you mr. kaboodle and lots of love to you and your beautiful parents.
Dearest Mark, Hannah, and baby Juniper Tuesday Emlyn,
I am inspired and expanded in the heart at hearing from you, Mark, connecting with you through the amazing and beautiful story of the gentleman in your office, your new career in NYC as a lawyer, and the birth of your and Hannah’s daughter, Juniper, Tuesday Emlyn. My sincerest loving and joyful congratulations to all three of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so thrilled for you and with you!!!
I have so much to say to you all, and some will have to wait. I will write to you at a different x because right now I have Pink Eye, and my eye is slightly hurting. So, there is one thing I know I want to say to you before I close this response and reconnect with you next week when my eye is well. I don’t know if I already told you this, and if I did, please forgive me for repeating myself. If I haven’t already told you this, I’m so happy to tell you.
What I have to tell you is in response to your comment above regarding your regret that you were not the best friend to Davis all the time. My response is with a story Davis told me. Y’all were together a few weeks before his death, connecting on a deep and rich, heart level, laughing into the night and being creative with your comedic and silly fun loving ways that you and Davis and your friends did often, together. Do you remember??? I bet you do. I want to offer you this amazing piece of grace that he shared with me regarding that evening, and what I heard underneath his sharing.
He came in the next morning after y’all spent the evening together visiting and “playing” into the night.
Being his mom, with him living at home at that time in when he was recovering from the illness and addiction,
he shared with me at moments which both surprised me, and I was quite gleeful about. His recovery was a piercing nightmare at moments, and at other moments a miraculous surprise, as miracles can often be. That morning after being with you and reuniting with you, laughing and healing together, he cam home realizing that love is never lost, nor is it ever over.
He had touched base with the infinite that evening realizing your friendship was forever and ever, and no matter what you had gone through together, your relationship was stronger for it.
He was beaming, Mark, when he said, “Mom, guess who I was with last night?” Any number of friends came into my awareness because he was, now as I look at that time, dealing with completing
relationships before he died. I knew that on an intuitive level that wasn’t conscious to me at the time. I had been experiencing his regret, also, at not having been a better friend to you, and many others, because he would have moments where he would share with me out of nowhere and express his sadness and pain about it. When I said I didn’t know, he said, “Merk!” with a big smiling frog grin like a frog that just caught his dinner and was very happy about it. He was proud, Mark, that the loving friendship y’all had had since high school was not over. It was empowered and expressing joy into the universe. He told me his version of what you shared at his memorial service. Very silly. Very funny. Very nonsensical to me, but not to him. It was Very Full of God’s Loving Presence and Guidance. The whole time he shared with me, the frog smile was engaged and making us snort with laughter as he rolled his eyes mimicking the night’s actions.
Then he said, “Mom, we’re cool. We’re okay.” That moment summed up to me, Mark, the infinity of your loving friendship and many of his friendships and the experiences y’all had together, regrets and miracles. He then relaxed and so much light beamed from his beautiful smile, no longer frog smiling, but Davis smiling. I feel, Mark, Merk, that he learned from that experience with you that real love is forever. He didn’t worry anymore the way he had before the two of you reconnected.
I saw much for me through his relationship(s) that he shared with me that summer that I find coming through and gracing my life, daily. There is no match for the light. Darkness cannot touch it. The teeniest tiniest bit of light will resolve the greatest biggest darkness by just being there. And, it’s always there. Whatever darkness each of you had, fearing the separation you felt, sometimes, was just a lie, a teeny weeny nothing, not even worth mentioning lie, except to be embraced by the light which y’all did. You both were remarkable in listening to your hearts and souls and following guidance.
I know I was healed by it. The same love that healed me was flowing through us all. Every time you reach out and write to Davis, David, and me, I am healed. I have no doubt that David and Davis and you are, too. If love is forever, which I know with all of me, how could having a body or not change that? He knows your heart and you beyond the body, now. He knows you’re a forever dude.
Love you so much Merk, Hannah, and Juniper Tuesday Emelyn,
Suzanne
Dearest Suzanne and David,
You have just left our beautiful gardens made even more beautiful by your being there. I am filled with sad AND glad……sad that I missed a relationship with that extraordinary Davis….and so glad that I have been left with a full experience of him that you both prescenced. There will never be another dragonfly citing that I won’t think that Davis wants to visit me and leave me with something special. Thank you for our friendship and all the healing energy you continue to bless our planet with. I love you both, Susan
Hey Davis,
I love and miss you so much. Thank you for everything you brought to my life. Your impact on me still reveals itself in ways that ripple into my present, as though you never left. I think about you all the time. I’m so grateful to have had you in my life in the flesh as long as I did, but continue to reap the benefits from those seemingly countless, yet, somehow still limited, moments we shared way back when. I miss you brother, and I love you loudly.
-Jacob
It’s Mother’s Day, tomorrow. I’ve found that writing, here, on this site created by Suzy in your memory, is one of the few places I am able to go and write about my grief and healing process. It’s been a long time since I’ve come here to write. I spiraled into the depths of depression and ill health when I stopped writing and meditating and doing InStill movement. It was a lesson that is forever learned by me. I didn’t just stop coming to this site to write. I stopped writing, period. I am writing, now, again, and I am finding healing, hence, coming here to this site to see what gifts I may receive and share.
Maggie is helping me write a book. It began as my need to share my love for you with others. This was an extension of Moving Love. Your presence in my life has been beyond what I could have imagined in teaching me how to love others, myself, too, trust life and myself and others, and forgive myself and others and life. You have given me so much and each Mother’s Day, your birthday, your feast day, Christmas, Thanksgiving, and all holidays for that matter, are opportunities to go deep and get present with the loss that I am finding I can heal from.
I love you, Davis. Your dad and I are going to our family’s Mother’s Day brunch, tomorrow. My sincerest intention is to go and be with the family, celebrate this important day, remembering your grandmothers and my momma and Davey’s momma, the new mommas who have stepped up over the years and have brought such amazing power, imagination, grace and creativity to being Mothers. I will celebrate them with my deepest gratitude for their commitment to loving their children as I have loved you, NOW and ALWAYS.
I leave you with the lyrics to a HildeGirls song that I learned in years past that has been in my heart and on my mind, today: “All I ask of you is forever to remember me as loving you.” The tune is beautiful, like our experiences we shared over the years. You are my Squeet Beet Boodle Beet Beet,
Mom
Good morning, Suzanne,
Have waited for the perfect, beautiful sunny Sedona day to read your Mother’s Day letter to Justin and to respond. We have not been in touch for awhile but nonetheless I think of you, David and Justin often. The dragonflies are beginning to flit about and he loves our garden!
You continue to hold Justin so close to your hearts and I love how you both have never wavered in your love and relationship with him. And though of course you miss seeing and hearing him, his spirit lives so brightly in both of your lives. You are brilliant to have created him being with you always.
Hope to see you both someday soon again in Sedona. We are busy with our couples’ intensive weekends and are well and happy.
Love,
Susan
Hi Susan,
What a gift to hear from you. You have illuminated my day, as people do when they connect with me via this site. Love you, Susan. Thank you. Hope to see you, soon.